"accidental/coincidental" relationships Vs the traditional

Star Shadows · 05-18-2010, 02:24 PM

Accidental?
stroke of luck?
fate?

“A twist of fate makes life worthwhile”

Some people say we are masters of our own fate, creators of our own luck, some people say that it’s all part of a greater plan for us... regardless it seems more and more successful s/M relationships are being formed by ‘accident’ or coincidence. People who are not necessarily vocally searching for someone but find each other anyway and it works well.

So maybe we are moving away from the ad sought relationship? I mean, you don’t advertise in your local newspaper for girl/boyfriends so why do it here looking for a relationship. So what are the advantages of searching by ads, and what about the accidental kind? And how do you make sure that you’re going about it the right way?

One of the key advantages of the accidental or coincidental relationship is that it is natural. By not being a collision of “I WANT A DOM/SUB NOW!!!!!”-ness like can be the case in the ad section it allowed you to grow your relationship and trust in that person and without the pressures of needing trust for it to be ‘right’. You have time to acclimatise to one another without necessarily realising that is what you’re doing.
There is also the likely hood that an ‘accidental’ or more appropriate ‘coincidental’ will stand the test of time longer than others, and is more fulfilling, again because you have time to get to know THEM, their personality, there life and what they are like in general not just the kink and the pure s/M of things. Again making a relationship more wholesome.

However a lot of people want a ‘quick fix’ and for them a relationship such as this is not right for them. They just want someone without having to wait for Mr/Mrs right. It would seem that writing an ad is the quicker solution, and for many people the easier of the two. What you may find though in these relationships is that they do not last as long [DISCLAIMER: in my opinion and experience]

I think though, from what I have heard and experienced, that non ad relationships seem to be more light hearted, once the real work is done you go back to being friends. Of course I can’t speak for everyone.

sweetsong · 05-18-2010, 07:09 PM

I agreeeeeeee. Two thumbs up.

I think because I'm not a 24/7 anything, I like when I have someone and we discover we have the same interests and move from there. So our relationship isn't based on our mutual likes/kinks/desires but it grows because of it. (:

You know how, the more things you have in common with someone and the more things you like to do together, the closer you get.

Mere · 05-18-2010, 08:27 PM

Kind of agreed. The relationships which start from "ads" are generally short termed. What I feel is, the "ad" always remains between them. I don't know if that makes sense to you. I mean, the "base" is always the ad.
Accidental relationships. Certainly that is according to the fate and probably the best. But from other people's view, I would say, people can't just "wait" for ever.
I can say things till forever, but I think what I said is enough.
There has to be some explanation to this, people can't "wait forever."

Dutch · 05-19-2010, 05:31 AM

I agree and I find myself quite unable to respond to ads, or use traditional dating websites. Its not me I suppose.

Right now im in a wonderful relationship (and not looking anymore, LOL) with someone I would have never expected it, and certainly not plan it. But its wonderful because it's completely accidental and started with a warm friendship and slowly grew for there.
I think the fact that it started out with a friendship is a very strong base for the relationship to grow on - at the risk of over thinking things. I simply love the fact that we've gone from friends to good friends and now to boyfriend and girlfriend.

Nixie · 05-19-2010, 05:36 AM

Like. Personally I never look at the ads. Unless someone points them out to me to giggle at. But other than that. I don't even bother with them.

Leopard · 05-20-2010, 12:25 PM

I think that both can work. I agree that "accidental" often work better and last much longer, but there is value to ads - if for no other reason that to let it be known that you're looking, and to have a bit about you that someone can read. They may see you around later on and get to talking (as in Chloe's example with that M guy I forget the name of.) When you're actively looking for a dom or submissive, you're marketing yourself, and so you want to make yourself as visible as possible (within reason, without being an ass about it, of course.)

Oh and as for looking at ads, I'm far more likely to actually pay attention to someone if they have a bunch of posts that I can look at to get a better feel for the person beforehand. But I also like the idea that people don't just come on the site to post an ad, that they actually participate in the community.

05-18-2010, 02:24 PM	#1
Star Shadows Prodigy Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Uk Posts: 4,707 Blog Entries: 13	"accidental/coincidental" relationships Vs the traditional Accidental? stroke of luck? fate? “A twist of fate makes life worthwhile” Some people say we are masters of our own fate, creators of our own luck, some people say that it’s all part of a greater plan for us... regardless it seems more and more successful s/M relationships are being formed by ‘accident’ or coincidence. People who are not necessarily vocally searching for someone but find each other anyway and it works well. So maybe we are moving away from the ad sought relationship? I mean, you don’t advertise in your local newspaper for girl/boyfriends so why do it here looking for a relationship. So what are the advantages of searching by ads, and what about the accidental kind? And how do you make sure that you’re going about it the right way? One of the key advantages of the accidental or coincidental relationship is that it is natural. By not being a collision of “I WANT A DOM/SUB NOW!!!!!”-ness like can be the case in the ad section it allowed you to grow your relationship and trust in that person and without the pressures of needing trust for it to be ‘right’. You have time to acclimatise to one another without necessarily realising that is what you’re doing. There is also the likely hood that an ‘accidental’ or more appropriate ‘coincidental’ will stand the test of time longer than others, and is more fulfilling, again because you have time to get to know THEM, their personality, there life and what they are like in general not just the kink and the pure s/M of things. Again making a relationship more wholesome. However a lot of people want a ‘quick fix’ and for them a relationship such as this is not right for them. They just want someone without having to wait for Mr/Mrs right. It would seem that writing an ad is the quicker solution, and for many people the easier of the two. What you may find though in these relationships is that they do not last as long [DISCLAIMER: in my opinion and experience] I think though, from what I have heard and experienced, that non ad relationships seem to be more light hearted, once the real work is done you go back to being friends. Of course I can’t speak for everyone. __________________ Do not ask me for to be your slave, your mistress, or to give you truths or dares. You're wasting your time. Informative threads: Anonymous S/M advice service Threads of note PM MEGET S/M ADVICE WORSHIPS RACHIE**

05-18-2010, 07:09 PM	#2
sweetsong getDare Succubus Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: ♥ In your dreams ♥ Posts: 1,733 Blog Entries: 98	I agreeeeeeee. Two thumbs up. I think because I'm not a 24/7 anything, I like when I have someone and we discover we have the same interests and move from there. So our relationship isn't based on our mutual likes/kinks/desires but it grows because of it. (: You know how, the more things you have in common with someone and the more things you like to do together, the closer you get. __________________ . siggy made by stellz [03:54:06 PM] jamness: ‹@G.J.› She... kisses and stuff... shes weird. [03:54:39 PM] G.J.: ‹@jamness› That seems like normal Sweets to me XD

05-18-2010, 08:27 PM	#3
Mere Account Banned Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: On her throne.. Posts: 1,221 Blog Entries: 74	Kind of agreed. The relationships which start from "ads" are generally short termed. What I feel is, the "ad" always remains between them. I don't know if that makes sense to you. I mean, the "base" is always the ad. Accidental relationships. Certainly that is according to the fate and probably the best. But from other people's view, I would say, people can't just "wait" for ever. I can say things till forever, but I think what I said is enough. There has to be some explanation to this, people can't "wait forever." __________________ Chloe's Threads of Note! I dominate. ♔ .. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]♔

05-19-2010, 05:31 AM	#4
Dutch getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Somewhere below the sea Posts: 255	I agree and I find myself quite unable to respond to ads, or use traditional dating websites. Its not me I suppose. Right now im in a wonderful relationship (and not looking anymore, LOL) with someone I would have never expected it, and certainly not plan it. But its wonderful because it's completely accidental and started with a warm friendship and slowly grew for there. I think the fact that it started out with a friendship is a very strong base for the relationship to grow on - at the risk of over thinking things. I simply love the fact that we've gone from friends to good friends and now to boyfriend and girlfriend. __________________ Adopt a Pokemon! 24, male, switch. If you have to ask my likes / limits, chances are you will never know. First, important threads: Advice to the Doms and subs out there An exit out of a bad M/s relationship And the fun threads: My ask me anything thread The music guessing game Love is...

05-19-2010, 05:36 AM	#5
Nixie getDare Devil Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Where the wild things are Posts: 1,077 Blog Entries: 44	Like. Personally I never look at the ads. Unless someone points them out to me to giggle at. But other than that. I don't even bother with them. __________________ Leo:YOU HARLTOT Simple Tips

05-20-2010, 12:25 PM	#6
Leopard Truth or Dare Enthusiast Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 2,522	I think that both can work. I agree that "accidental" often work better and last much longer, but there is value to ads - if for no other reason that to let it be known that you're looking, and to have a bit about you that someone can read. They may see you around later on and get to talking (as in Chloe's example with that M guy I forget the name of.) When you're actively looking for a dom or submissive, you're marketing yourself, and so you want to make yourself as visible as possible (within reason, without being an ass about it, of course.) Oh and as for looking at ads, I'm far more likely to actually pay attention to someone if they have a bunch of posts that I can look at to get a better feel for the person beforehand. But I also like the idea that people don't just come on the site to post an ad, that they actually participate in the community.