Puns! Puns! Puns! - Page 2

Shibari · 04-28-2014, 05:34 AM

I've go some awful ones ive made up..

If he's a sadist, and shes a masochist... Its a painfully good relationship

Let me show you the ropes later, I guarantee you'll be tied up in the situation

apparently theres a new coffee shop, and dam it must be good coffee cause the shop is called "subspace coffee"

Christian jokes..
I was reading the book of Numbers the other day and noticed I didn't have yours
Let me show you how the holy spirit enters
Do you need prayer? 'cause I'll lay my hands on you

An_Jon · 05-06-2014, 06:18 PM

Thought I'd try and revive this:

My dog's tough. I've been interrogating him all morning but he still won't tell me who's a good boy.

I've recently starting playing the triangle in a reggae band. I just sit at the back and ting.

What's the difference between a King Edward and your mother? One's a potato and the other one's a whore.

Komodo Jones · 05-06-2014, 08:28 PM

What has four legs, two ears, two eyes, a tail, a pink nose, is furry, meows, and is full of cement?

Oh yeah the answer is a cat, I just added cement to make it hard...

Ultimate pick up line to use on women:
Screw me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga?

If you don't get either of these read them over again slowly, you may get them later.

An_Jon · 07-02-2014, 12:46 PM

I'm thinking about setting up a joke shop at the edge of the earth...

I dunno though, that might be taking the joke too far.

XD

Mumbles91 · 07-05-2014, 11:03 AM

What do you call someone else's cheese?
Nacho cheese

r0ver · 07-05-2014, 11:16 AM

John Lennon was a huge fan of wordplay. As he once sang 'Happiness is a worn pun'

An_Jon · 11-09-2014, 05:27 PM

Might revive this as people have seemed to stop asking me for puns recently, which makes me sad. I was writing loads per day at one point, which made me very happy

Here are 5 I wrote about cats recently:

Ever heard of the vampire-scaredy-cat? Count Meowt.

Some people say I have the eyes of a cat. I like to think that my eyes look piercing and mysterious; others probably think it's because I like to lie down in the middle of busy roads.

I went to a Cat-bar and ordered a pint of beer. The barman told me that'll be £3.00, so I said "just put it on my tabby!" (sorry).

Someone played a really cruel prank on me with some baby cats. I thought: "you've gotta be kitten me!"

I have an ancient and legendary Japanese sword which kills people with it's cuteness: the Catana!

Jah Brother · 11-10-2014, 01:40 AM

So a hamburger walks into a restaurant and orders a steak. The waitress says, sorry we don't serve food in here.

Azatoth · 11-17-2014, 03:52 AM

Any fans of Jimmy Carr here?

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her. So I said, "Alright fatty."

mashachan · 11-17-2014, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azatoth

Any fans of Jimmy Carr here?

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her. So I said, "Alright fatty."

hahah
*i laughed way to hard about this..i will burn in hell*

a roman walks into a bar and ask for a martinus-
"you mean martini?" the bartender asks ?!
the roman replies "if i wanted a double, i would have asked for it !"

Azatoth · 11-17-2014, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mashachan

hahah
*i laughed way to hard about this..i will burn in hell*

a roman walks into a bar and ask for a martinus-
"you mean martini?" the bartender asks ?!
the roman replies "if i wanted a double, i would have asked for it !"

Haha, classic :P

Here's another one:

"My wife...it's difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells at the seashore"

An_Jon · 11-17-2014, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azatoth

Haha, classic :P

Here's another one:

"My wife...it's difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells at the seashore"

Heyy! I've already posted that one! :P

I was offered a job as a wind turbine at a rival football club recently, but I had to decline as I'm not a big fan.

qt31415926 · 11-17-2014, 11:59 AM

I'm not a doctor but I have somr patience.

What do you call two blonds that graduate from medical school? A paradox

a classic: why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 8 9

Azatoth · 11-17-2014, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by An_Jon

Heyy! I've already posted that one! :P

I was offered a job as a wind turbine at a rival football club recently, but I had to decline as I'm not a big fan.

You have? Never saw it :P
Okay, here's another one:

"Now matter how much money you give to a homeless for tea..you'll never get that tea"

Wordsmiff · 11-27-2014, 07:43 AM

Prepare yourself for the funniest joke in the world...

Get a needle and some thread ready because when your sides split, you may have to sew them up again.

Ready?

Okay!

Why did the relationship between the Biology teacher and the Physics teacher break up?

Because there was no Chemistry between them.

04-28-2014, 05:34 AM	#16
Shibari getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: England Posts: 399 Blog Entries: 10	I've go some awful ones ive made up.. If he's a sadist, and shes a masochist... Its a painfully good relationship Let me show you the ropes later, I guarantee you'll be tied up in the situation apparently theres a new coffee shop, and dam it must be good coffee cause the shop is called "subspace coffee" Christian jokes.. I was reading the book of Numbers the other day and noticed I didn't have yours Let me show you how the holy spirit enters Do you need prayer? 'cause I'll lay my hands on you __________________ Submissive freak . Rope, Shibari/kinbaku. I kiss my enemies lips, while I dance in the flames of the devil, worship the Dominant that guides while I suffer at His feet.

05-06-2014, 06:18 PM	#17
An_Jon Distinguished Member Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Uk Posts: 603 Blog Entries: 71	Thought I'd try and revive this: My dog's tough. I've been interrogating him all morning but he still won't tell me who's a good boy. I've recently starting playing the triangle in a reggae band. I just sit at the back and ting. What's the difference between a King Edward and your mother? One's a potato and the other one's a whore. __________________ Hi, I'm Jon! I like talking to new people. Come and say hello if you'd like to get to know me 26 \| M \| UK \| Bisexual \| Switch \| Punmaster About Me \| My Blog \| BDSM Test Come and play with me: My AMA My KIK - and rules on using it!

05-06-2014, 08:28 PM	#18
Komodo Jones getDare Succubus Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: in your fantasies...it's ok you can admit it Posts: 1,755 Blog Entries: 97	What has four legs, two ears, two eyes, a tail, a pink nose, is furry, meows, and is full of cement? Oh yeah the answer is a cat, I just added cement to make it hard... Ultimate pick up line to use on women: Screw me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga? If you don't get either of these read them over again slowly, you may get them later. __________________ KJ 38/male/partially bi/switch D/s Status: Protector, Dom and Daddy of pixie.dust I love meeting new, nice, smart people. I communicate through Discord mainly. What are my limits/likes/supplies? Click here! Check Out my Literary Works Targeting the Ignored [Fiction] Some Stuff I've Done (Non-Fiction)

07-02-2014, 12:46 PM	#19
An_Jon Distinguished Member Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Uk Posts: 603 Blog Entries: 71	I'm thinking about setting up a joke shop at the edge of the earth... I dunno though, that might be taking the joke too far. XD __________________ Hi, I'm Jon! I like talking to new people. Come and say hello if you'd like to get to know me 26 \| M \| UK \| Bisexual \| Switch \| Punmaster About Me \| My Blog \| BDSM Test Come and play with me: My AMA My KIK - and rules on using it!

07-05-2014, 11:03 AM	#20
Mumbles91 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 162 Blog Entries: 4	What do you call someone else's cheese? Nacho cheese __________________ How about you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart. Owned by the Dark Potato Lord - Saddi

07-05-2014, 11:16 AM	#21
r0ver getDare Addict Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Scotland Posts: 2,385	John Lennon was a huge fan of wordplay. As he once sang 'Happiness is a worn pun'

11-09-2014, 05:27 PM	#22
An_Jon Distinguished Member Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Uk Posts: 603 Blog Entries: 71	Might revive this as people have seemed to stop asking me for puns recently, which makes me sad. I was writing loads per day at one point, which made me very happy Here are 5 I wrote about cats recently: Ever heard of the vampire-scaredy-cat? Count Meowt. Some people say I have the eyes of a cat. I like to think that my eyes look piercing and mysterious; others probably think it's because I like to lie down in the middle of busy roads. I went to a Cat-bar and ordered a pint of beer. The barman told me that'll be £3.00, so I said "just put it on my tabby!" (sorry). Someone played a really cruel prank on me with some baby cats. I thought: "you've gotta be kitten me!" I have an ancient and legendary Japanese sword which kills people with it's cuteness: the Catana! __________________ Hi, I'm Jon! I like talking to new people. Come and say hello if you'd like to get to know me 26 \| M \| UK \| Bisexual \| Switch \| Punmaster About Me \| My Blog \| BDSM Test Come and play with me: My AMA My KIK - and rules on using it!

11-10-2014, 01:40 AM	#23
Jah Brother Distinguished Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 620 Blog Entries: 3	So a hamburger walks into a restaurant and orders a steak. The waitress says, sorry we don't serve food in here.

11-17-2014, 03:52 AM	#24
Azatoth Member Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Greece Posts: 61	Any fans of Jimmy Carr here? My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her. So I said, "Alright fatty." __________________ 24/M/Dom Looking for 18-30/F/Sub Click above to see my ad

11-17-2014, 11:59 AM	#28
qt31415926 Distinguished Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: CST Posts: 661 Blog Entries: 2	I'm not a doctor but I have somr patience. What do you call two blonds that graduate from medical school? A paradox a classic: why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 8 9 __________________ 50/M LIKES/LIMITS TORTURE ACADEMY GRADUATE Red team: RvB (4-0) Boys vs Girls (2-0) Holding games (2-0)

11-27-2014, 07:43 AM	#30
Wordsmiff Distinguished Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Birmingham, UK Posts: 654 Blog Entries: 3	Funniest Joke In The World Prepare yourself for the funniest joke in the world... Get a needle and some thread ready because when your sides split, you may have to sew them up again. Ready? Okay! Why did the relationship between the Biology teacher and the Physics teacher break up? Because there was no Chemistry between them.