An ACTUALLY Embarrassing Questionnaire

[pet monkey]

1. Have you ever peed your pants in school? Yes, In a very early year of school, like 1st or 2nd grade. I vividly remember sitting in the front of class and really having to pee but for some reason, either I couldn't get permission or just couldn't get the teacher's attention, I wasn't able to leave class. At first I thought 'Well, I'll just let out a little', but yeah, by the end there was a puddle under my desk.

2. Have you ever ACCIDENTALLY peed yourself as an adult? Not accidentally, no.

3. Have you ever been caught naked by your parent(s)? Yes. When I got my first computer in my room and I was old enough to get my very own credit card. It was like a perfect storm, I could finally sign up for a real adult site and read all the juicy sexy stories on the site. So one evening I'm sitting at my desk, naked, reading... something... stiff as a teenage male can get and my dad just opens the door, looks at me, trying to sink into my chair, says whatever he came to say and left.

4. Have you ever caught your parent(s) naked? No

5. Have you ever had your sexuality or kink outed to a family member? Kinda... Shortly after I joined the board and started subbing to HappyMe I got a collar. One evening I was in my room playing with her and wearing it when there was a knock on my door. I scrambled to get dressed and scoot anything 'incriminating' out of the way before I opened the door. My sister stood on the other side with a gift for me. But, she was looking at me kind of oddly, no, not at me, but at my neck, and she kind of makes a 'OK' sound. That's when I noticed I was still wearing my collar. I calmly accepted the gift (a bag of fun size snickers), closed my door and collapsed in panic.

6. Have you ever had sex with someone, only to learn you were related? No

7. Have you ever had sex with someone, only to learn they were married? No

8. Have you ever been caught having sex or masturbating by your parent(s)? Not as such... but I was getting ready to (SEE Question 3)

9. Have you ever caught your parent(s) having sex? Not physically, but I used to sleep in the room right below theirs so I could always hear when they were scratching that particular itch.

10. Have you ever been caught farting in a public (polite) area? No

11. Have you ever had an upset stomach on a date that ended in diarrhea, gas, or vomiting? No

12. Have you ever been called out for having smelly gas? Yes, we used to live with a private nurse. At one point after a particularly stinky one she told me I should get checked because no stench that bad should come from a healthy colon.

13. Have you ever had a credit card declined and/or had to endure the "Walk of Shame" while returning your items because you can't buy them? Yes, I have had debit cards declined before, some because of a bank error and some because I just didn't have enough money. I'd usually play it off in the same way, "Oh, let me just run out to the car/home and grab my other card/money" and leave

14. Have you ever fallen down a flight of stairs in the company of others? No

15. Have you ever sent an AWFUL drunk text, or drunk-dialed someone? No, I typically am not a big drinker

16. Have you ever been caught talking behind someone's back, by the person you're talking about? No

16. Have you ever accidentally sent a scathing text message about someone to the person it's about? Not a scathing message. But once when I worked nights I sent a joke I found online to a friend, (This one I think) except, no, I didn't send it to my friend, I sent it to my boss, a devout Jewish fellow from Israel. I froze, thinking my time there was done. Luckily, he's a pretty cool guy and sent me a response indicating that he found it funny and I was able to breath again.

17. Have you ever accidentally sent a "sext message" to an unintended contact? No

18. Have you ever clogged a toilet after pooping? Yes, numerous times

19. If you experience periods, have you ever bled through your clothes? N/A

20. If you died right now, what would be the most embarrassing thing someone would find in your house? Well, seeing as how almost everyone I know already knows about my Lego habit, I mean hobby, I would have to say either my sex toy collection (if they can find the key to the safe they are in) or the contents of my computer - screw incognito, it's my system!

21. Are there any unwanted nude photos of you floating around the internet? No

22. Have you ever fallen prey to an internet scam? No

23. Have you ever made an idiot of yourself in front of a crush? No

24. Have you ever argued with an authority figure only to find out you were VERY wrong? Yes, in third grade I got into an argument with my teacher over the spelling of the word cockatoo (or cockatiel I really can't remember which). She had to resort to looking it up in the dictionary to convince me I was wrong.

25. Have you ever been in jail? Yes, I spent a couple of hours in a cell once due to a 'Failure to Appear' warrant

26. Have you ever come to the realization that you've been walking around with your pants zipper down, or with a hole in your pants? Yes, I used to have a pair of work pants that developed a hole right in the crotch. But, they looked just like another pair of pants that I own. So, one day at work as I'm sitting at my desk I notice something doesn't feel quite... right down there. I subtly reach down and realize I am wearing the crotch hole pants.

27. Have you ever accidentally walked in on someone in the bathroom? Yes, in a public restroom, one of those that are a one person thing, but I didn't know it when I went in, and they didn't lock the door.

28. Have you ever accidentally told someone you loved them? No

29. Have you ever accidentally called someone mom or dad? No

30. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No

31. Have you ever had a crush on/fantasized about a cartoon character? Not a crush per se, but some of them are pretty attractive I suppose

32. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant only to find out the bill was WAY more than you could pay? No

33. Have you ever spilled drink or food at a restaurant? Yes, numerous times

34. Have you ever been denied a kiss on a first date? I'm too shy to go in for one, so... no?

35. Have you ever been caught trying to cheat, scam, or steal? Yes, when I was younger I stole all the time from stores, until we got caught

36. Have you ever set off a store alarm while trying to exit? No

37. Do you get zits in noticeable places? Not so much anymore, but tons when I was younger, like all over my face

38. Have you ever had your pubic hair get snagged by your clothes? No

39. Have you ever gotten a REALLY bad itch on your genitals while in public, so you couldn't scratch it? Yes, but I just scratch it when it itches

40. Have you ever finished on the toilet only to find out that there's no more toilet paper, then have to do the "Walk of Shame" to the closet (or, if in a public bathroom, to the next stall) to find some? Yes, that or having to call out to family members to bring me some, which then turns into the 'awkward hand through the door technique' waving a roll of TP at me.