Did someone say chocolate?

Always up for chocolate and giggles! You know where to find me gorgeous! Xx

This is a lovely post Butterfly and I really love how Mr D is looking after you so well!

I love your points as well, I think they are really important in any relationship as well as a D/s.

I have to say I struggle with point number 5. I like to think I listen and ask follow up questions, not because I have to but because I really do care and am really interested. I think the part I struggle with is not giving advice unless it's asked for. As a typical bloke I know I can be too quick to suggest solutions and advice when it may not be needed. I get that I should just be listening, but I do find this hard and try my best to keep my mouth shut.

That actually does make sense as it could be a red flag or an indicator of some extra work. Even a Dom(me) could make a mistake that would lead me to leave and find another person. I personally have a 3 strike rule for a Dom(me) and will leave at the 3rd unless we have had some time together or they are honest mistakes that are not related. Also, it is about perspective as honest mistakes are very different from blatant disregard for the other person. Like when I had a Dom blackmail me and then I left as a result. Then an honest mistake like someone asking me to do something that was a limit and then instantly taking it back.

Thank you sooooo much for the clarification and hope I didn't upset you or anything. Though I tend to worry myself to death.

-little alexis

Okay, I'm a bit late to the party here it seems. As usual Butterfly, you have a superb handle on the theme you write about! I agree with pretty much everything you say and my outlook on punishments mirrors yours totally. I actually dislike giving them and like you said if a sub is willfully disobedient then there's probably something a little deeper under the skin of the relationship that needs addressing/talking about.

The only thing I would add is a punishment doesn't always have to be the act of doing something it can also be the act of removing a pleasure for a set time too.

Great post as always, sorry I'm so late in responding!

X X X

Wonderful blog post, Butterfly. I read everything and didn't know about the variety of emotions during a denial phase and edging.
I'm currently in such a phase exploring my new submissive world. If you like, you may read my denial diary blog. This is all quite new for me and I feel like an adventurer in an unknown world. Your blog helped a lot in finding my own way. Thank you!

I fully agree with your writeup and feelings towards the topic.
Breakin rules intentionally is not a good wait to fish for play.
If you want to push domme a bit, there is always bratting etc ...

This is beautiful. I think we need to clarify the meaning of the word “punishment” in this community, and you’ve described it perfectly.

It is so interesting how our bodies react differently and can even change over time. What is fun for me is a real punishment for others.

I can attest to Miss Butterfly being very fair and just when it comes to punishments.
She rarely punishes me and when she does, I really do deserve it.

We do do funishments sometimes but we don't call them that. I get spanked because it's fun!

Great blog Miss!

Very sexy to read. You have this firmness with your tone that it so hot. Anyway great blog as usual. People getting punishments on purpose are some of my early red flag warnings.

Insightful! I'm still new to all of this, or, rather, newer than I had assumed. As a consequence, this was very much what I needed to read. Thank you for it! Especially the part on feeling like you failed your Dom and that being punishment enough, so that the consequence is a penance that helps with the guilt! Yes! So much yes!

Thank you for writing this!

Connie

bleh the line on aftercare is pretty spot on, don't know how many times that's broken up a hot session after the fact. It's a pretty rough psychological warp to do dirty things and then to just sit and feel weird after.

PeachBaby, she does seem like she is amazing in both regards.

And yes, don't set up your sub to fail, that is never going to turn out well.

No one likes failing.

Even though we seem to have some diffrent domming styles on this, (I will excuse real life without any consequences in most cases for example.) I think this is a good blog to learn from.

Wow this is very well stated! I enjoy the topic as well! I agree you should never set a sub up for failure and give them an unreasonable task!! Seems like you’re an amazing Sub and Domme ♥️

Life lesson 9811 paragraph 2: If you're sucking on your girlfriend's nipples, "oh mummy" is the wrong thing to say. Always.-
Nothing wrong with this

Sorry, I just wanted to say how lovely it was to read your blog. Thank you for sharing as you do and I hope that your anticipation for events in the future - pregnancy(?) and Jaro's visit - match, is lower than the reality provides.

Connie

I'm glad you do have support. And having feelings of your own isn't selfish.it is completely normal for something that can be a reminder to make you sad.

I do hope you end up getting pregnant and like Jaro wish you luck with it.

And for the other stuff, it takes time go heal and take all the time you need.

Awch butterfly, you have so much on your plate. It must be really tiring.

It sounds like you are really feeling the loss of the relationship and dynamic though, and that's exactly what to do - let yourself feel it. It needs to be mourned. Afterall, the only way to get off the roller-coaster is to continue riding the ride. I wouldn't feel bad about making it about you. This is just part of the process, and feeling anger is totally natural and to be expected.

With local kink, in my experience, my first few times I was quite concerned with people liking me, and netting myself a fancy lady *eyebrows eyebrows*. But I think I should have just totally focused on getting myself comfortable with the environment, the faces, the voices. I think some regularity with it would have helped (he says, having not attended his local munch in two months) . But yeah, at least at my local munch I think there's quite a few people who only come for one or two munches ever and then leave. I have no doubt that you will dazzle them with your charm once you get comfortable.

But honestly, it sounds like you're doing all the right things (letting yourself feel the feels!), just gotta ride this suck out and focus on the things that you appreciate in the moment. You got this.