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How PM dares and add threads work for me

Posted 07-29-2020 at 05:20 AM by Cassandra

Inspired by knorke's blog post. Many thanks for the perspective.

More often bottom than top, I go through phases of submission, domination, and not much desire for kinky play at all. That's why I have been unable to keep up a long-term BDSM partnership, in what role whatsoever. For me, the most important aspect of my tasks is to do it for others, due to others, "forced" or better spelled decided by others. I love to please and satisfy people. That works better when I get to know people, so I like to continue and repeat play with the same people.

But there's always the first time, when you don't know others, maybe don't even know yourself that much. My PM dare lists, Likes, Limits, and toys have changed so much over time. So how do I know what that stranger I meet online is capable and willing to do. What of the actions which suit them are easy and which are hard for them? What are the good amount of repetitions? Which details make the dare easier or harder, and how much so?

When people ask for a dare, task, or punishment (though they actually mean funishment), given they provide links to the according information on them, I have to
  • Read and understand their Likes and Limits
  • Read their Dislikes, Hates, Soft Limits, Haven't tried yet, Curious about, Loves
  • Read their list of toys and clothes (if dressing might be involved)
  • Read their reports, especially most recent ones
  • Read about their health issues and read and identify other physical attributes to consider, for example genitals
  • Read their relationship status, living situation, legal situation in their country (for example regarding public dares), culture differences to mine

And then there still might be something I may have overlooked or a detail that wasn't there to read.

That all is finally solvable with a good communication, from initial dare, to a reply, back and forth, and finally the detailed report on dare. Even better if that leads to the next dare, since the depth of detail exchange increases, and no more effort for acquiring the basic knowledge. I just have to remember those facts.

PM dares

Given those efforts, I was quite happy when I discovered PM dares. They seemed easy to use and trigger making others do what I had chosen. Some trigger one specific action, some give me options like amount (to a maximum), implements, colors, toys etc. to use with the task, up to combining some PM dares. And then there were I open PM dares like "and I am your slave" "you give me a custom dare". Some PM dares even were interactive, and every once in a while I still users being very creative with what a PM dare can do.

Long story short, I learned to love PM dares so much I wrote about them.

When I am not in the mood, I switch off my PM dares. When I develop or get new toys, I set up new PM dares, change old ones. They are an offer what to possibly do (for or due to others), but whoever triggers them decides what I do, the options I have given, and basically when to do them (except for the delay on my side). For example, I could deepthroat my favorite dildo any time. But it doesn't feel the same way as whenever gives me the task to do certain amounts of deepthroats. It's just not the same and so I don't do it on my own.

Add threads

I don't remember when exactly I discovered add threads. There are similar yet different from PM dares. Still, in an add thread one or more person give a frame what they are willing to do, and let others decide what and how much, from a fixed amount per post, to a task and amount being chosen to add, up to keywords and stretch goals.

Add threads are more surprising for me, since you never know how much attention the thread gets in the given time, and how many people of which preference regarding keywords join. It's more a big project since you only give the end date and time once, committing to whatever comes (basically, safety and health first always!). You can create your own, or join an established ongoing add thread open for everyone like this one.

Both PM dares and add threads are also great to get in contact with playful people, chat and message with them, and start playing.

Whatever your preferred and possible ways of interaction with others users are, have fun and stay safe. Stay awesome as well!
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Total Comments 1


  1. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    I'm glad you like your PM dares. I understand that it is difficult to dare people if they don't know the person, so these are a great help.

    The only downside is that -at least in my experience- not many people spontaneously give them.
    Posted 07-30-2020 at 08:12 AM by Jaro Jaro is online now

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