SM advise?! Please help

hanginginthere · 08-14-2011, 07:17 PM

Hi Everyone so i need advise (obviously :P)

so anyway i have this really great Master and he's a great guy he protects me he cares for me he loves me, he'd do everything for me (so it seems). But really hes just super great and i love him so much. But he wants me to be a totally blown out slut. which is super weird for me because i guess i can say i grew up and am still growing up in a bubble. I want to be able to please him but i dont know if i can. Ive been given a task, one which im really nervous to do and ive been stressing ALOT over it. (he wants me to suck a couple guys (that i dont know)) and really ive only given 2 bj's my whole life so im super nervous and he knows this.

But i have been questioning myself and my motives to be with him. Do i really want to change my morals. i know ive always looked down upon sluts. Do i really want to be one. if not do i want to be with my Master. I want to be with him but i dont know if i want to be his slut or if im ready to be his slut. we're taking a break until i figure out what i want because he doesnt want to be causing stress. I also dont want to leave him because i dont want to be a slut he's really amazing. I don't know what to do...

D25 · 08-14-2011, 07:23 PM

Have you brought up the specifics of this with him or just that it's stressing you out? If you bring the specific issues to his attention and why it makes you feel that way, dialogue is opened and a good solution can be found.

If you have already done this and he hasn't budged on the issue and you haven't budged on the issue either, I reccomend you take this time to examine why you want to stay with him and why you've looked down on sluts. Was it really a moral you held or was it something done to fit in somewhere? Sometimes the answer is right in your face and you don't see it without some outside help.

Sorry I'm not more help, but it's something.

lilysmaster · 08-14-2011, 07:34 PM

As a Master it is okay to push your sub's limits to a point. You should voice your discomfort with the task and if he continues to push you into it then maybe you should not trust him as a Master.

hanginginthere · 08-14-2011, 07:38 PM

He knows im uncomfortable with it i have told him before and i have tried again today and he pretty much told me i dont have morals Im a slut. I have aloso told him about me not wanting to be passed around the town several times and he pretty much has told me i have no choice over it and that he owns me

db25 · 08-14-2011, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hanginginthere

Hi Everyone so i need advise (obviously :P)

so anyway i have this really great Master and he's a great guy he protects me he cares for me he loves me, he'd do everything for me (so it seems). But really hes just super great and i love him so much. But he wants me to be a totally blown out slut. which is super weird for me because i guess i can say i grew up and am still growing up in a bubble. I want to be able to please him but i dont know if i can. Ive been given a task, one which im really nervous to do and ive been stressing ALOT over it. (he wants me to suck a couple guys (that i dont know)) and really ive only given 2 bj's my whole life so im super nervous and he knows this.

But i have been questioning myself and my motives to be with him. Do i really want to change my morals. i know ive always looked down upon sluts. Do i really want to be one. if not do i want to be with my Master. I want to be with him but i dont know if i want to be his slut or if im ready to be his slut. we're taking a break until i figure out what i want because he doesnt want to be causing stress. I also dont want to leave him because i dont want to be a slut he's really amazing. I don't know what to do...

Ultimately the master/sub relationship is built on trust and mutual respect. You need to tell him you're not sure and really not comfortable doing this because of your values and morals. If he truly loves you and values you as his sub, he will also respect and protect your limits. If he doesn't, it's time to find a new master.

D25 · 08-14-2011, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hanginginthere

He knows im uncomfortable with it i have told him before and i have tried again today and he pretty much told me i dont have morals Im a slut. I have aloso told him about me not wanting to be passed around the town several times and he pretty much has told me i have no choice over it and that he owns me

And that's where it becomes not OK. As lilly said, it's time to start thinking about whether it's a good idea trusting him as a Master then.

lilysmaster · 08-14-2011, 07:39 PM

Then now would be a good time to inform him that you are no longer property of him if he can not respect you and your limits(morals).

hanginginthere · 08-14-2011, 08:19 PM

I think i will try to tell him one more time and see what happens... I really like him :/

D25 · 08-14-2011, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hanginginthere

I think i will try to tell him one more time and see what happens... I really like him :/

It's hard sometimes. It's better to separate and be a little hurt than keep going in an unhealthy relationship and be majorly hurt.

Invisible · 08-14-2011, 08:48 PM

Yeah I agree totally with Lilysmaster and D25. In my view this is not something that you should be asked to do and certainly not required. This shows a complete lack of respect for you.

sweetsong · 08-14-2011, 09:08 PM

He sounds like a selfish asshole.

Don't ever compromise who you are for a boy. A boyfriend or even a "master." You'll only regret it in the end.

You have to answer to yourself above all other people.

Riley Taylor · 08-14-2011, 09:13 PM

You're allowed to have your own beliefs about right and wrong. If you think sexual acts with people you don't know well are wrong, or even just wrong for you, then dom or no, he doesn't have the right to make you do something you don't feel is for you. There's a difference between carefully and slowly pushing limits and making someone do something he or she is ethically against.

Does he just want you to do it, or has he kept pressuring you despite your saying you don't want to and explaining the reason? If you just said you didn't really want to, he might think you're nervous and that's it and that he's going to be there to help you overcome your nervousness. If you explained why, and that it would genuinely hurt your self-esteem and make you think negatively about yourself because you compromised your morals, and then he insisted, he's a complete douchebag and you should drop him. There's a big difference between being dominant, and having no respect for someone you're supposed to care about.

yours_slave · 08-14-2011, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hanginginthere

so anyway i have this really great Master and he's a great guy he protects me he cares for me he loves me, he'd do everything for me (so it seems). But really hes just super great and i love him so much.

This and,

Quote:

Originally Posted by hanginginthere

But he wants me to be a totally blown out slut. which is super weird for me because i guess i can say i grew up and am still growing up in a bubble.

This. Those two things really doesn't match. Do they? 100% agree with lilysmaster and sweetsong. If this one is your first master, you may not know about other masters. I know, there are tons of assholes who claim their selves as masters. But to not forget that still there are lot of good masters out there. It's really good that you trust, love and respect your master very much. We don't want to end your relationship by any mean. Don't get us wrong. But as others said, I think it's time for you to look for a new master.

Star Shadows · 08-15-2011, 02:11 AM

I think what other users have said is right, if he isn't listening to your concerns and respond to these accordingly then you really do have quite a serious problem. As much as you do like your Dom if he is unwilling to give you choice or compromise on this then you may be better off walking away. It isn't a positive sign in a relationship.

hanginginthere · 08-15-2011, 08:55 AM

Thanks everyone for all your advise

Its really helping.. I'm still going to try and talk to my Master one more time about this and if he doesnt do anything about it ill find someone else.

08-14-2011, 07:17 PM	#1
hanginginthere Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 9	SM advise?! Please help Hi Everyone so i need advise (obviously :P) so anyway i have this really great Master and he's a great guy he protects me he cares for me he loves me, he'd do everything for me (so it seems). But really hes just super great and i love him so much. But he wants me to be a totally blown out slut. which is super weird for me because i guess i can say i grew up and am still growing up in a bubble. I want to be able to please him but i dont know if i can. Ive been given a task, one which im really nervous to do and ive been stressing ALOT over it. (he wants me to suck a couple guys (that i dont know)) and really ive only given 2 bj's my whole life so im super nervous and he knows this. But i have been questioning myself and my motives to be with him. Do i really want to change my morals. i know ive always looked down upon sluts. Do i really want to be one. if not do i want to be with my Master. I want to be with him but i dont know if i want to be his slut or if im ready to be his slut. we're taking a break until i figure out what i want because he doesnt want to be causing stress. I also dont want to leave him because i dont want to be a slut he's really amazing. I don't know what to do...

08-14-2011, 07:34 PM	#3
lilysmaster getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: In that there hole in the ground Posts: 439 Blog Entries: 8	As a Master it is okay to push your sub's limits to a point. You should voice your discomfort with the task and if he continues to push you into it then maybe you should not trust him as a Master. __________________ *Tumblr - Ad - Fetlife* getDare Radio Thread Are you a story writer? Do you need someone to edit your stories? gD Editing Services Thread or PM me.

08-14-2011, 07:39 PM	#7
lilysmaster getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: In that there hole in the ground Posts: 439 Blog Entries: 8	Then now would be a good time to inform him that you are no longer property of him if he can not respect you and your limits(morals). __________________ *Tumblr - Ad - Fetlife* getDare Radio Thread Are you a story writer? Do you need someone to edit your stories? gD Editing Services Thread or PM me.

08-14-2011, 08:48 PM	#10
Invisible getDare Sweetheart Join Date: May 2011 Location: New Zealand Posts: 413 Blog Entries: 3	Yeah I agree totally with Lilysmaster and D25. In my view this is not something that you should be asked to do and certainly not required. This shows a complete lack of respect for you. __________________

08-14-2011, 09:08 PM	#11
sweetsong getDare Succubus Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: ♥ In your dreams ♥ Posts: 1,733 Blog Entries: 98	He sounds like a selfish asshole. Don't ever compromise who you are for a boy. A boyfriend or even a "master." You'll only regret it in the end. You have to answer to yourself above all other people. __________________ . siggy made by stellz [03:54:06 PM] jamness: ‹@G.J.› She... kisses and stuff... shes weird. [03:54:39 PM] G.J.: ‹@jamness› That seems like normal Sweets to me XD

08-14-2011, 07:23 PM	#2
D25 Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Irrelevant Posts: 13	Have you brought up the specifics of this with him or just that it's stressing you out? If you bring the specific issues to his attention and why it makes you feel that way, dialogue is opened and a good solution can be found. If you have already done this and he hasn't budged on the issue and you haven't budged on the issue either, I reccomend you take this time to examine why you want to stay with him and why you've looked down on sluts. Was it really a moral you held or was it something done to fit in somewhere? Sometimes the answer is right in your face and you don't see it without some outside help. Sorry I'm not more help, but it's something.

08-14-2011, 07:38 PM	#4
hanginginthere Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 9	He knows im uncomfortable with it i have told him before and i have tried again today and he pretty much told me i dont have morals Im a slut. I have aloso told him about me not wanting to be passed around the town several times and he pretty much has told me i have no choice over it and that he owns me

08-14-2011, 08:19 PM	#8
hanginginthere Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 9	I think i will try to tell him one more time and see what happens... I really like him :/

08-14-2011, 09:13 PM	#12
Riley Taylor getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 304 Blog Entries: 1	You're allowed to have your own beliefs about right and wrong. If you think sexual acts with people you don't know well are wrong, or even just wrong for you, then dom or no, he doesn't have the right to make you do something you don't feel is for you. There's a difference between carefully and slowly pushing limits and making someone do something he or she is ethically against. Does he just want you to do it, or has he kept pressuring you despite your saying you don't want to and explaining the reason? If you just said you didn't really want to, he might think you're nervous and that's it and that he's going to be there to help you overcome your nervousness. If you explained why, and that it would genuinely hurt your self-esteem and make you think negatively about yourself because you compromised your morals, and then he insisted, he's a complete douchebag and you should drop him. There's a big difference between being dominant, and having no respect for someone you're supposed to care about.

08-15-2011, 02:11 AM	#14
Star Shadows Prodigy Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Uk Posts: 4,707 Blog Entries: 13	I think what other users have said is right, if he isn't listening to your concerns and respond to these accordingly then you really do have quite a serious problem. As much as you do like your Dom if he is unwilling to give you choice or compromise on this then you may be better off walking away. It isn't a positive sign in a relationship. __________________ Do not ask me for to be your slave, your mistress, or to give you truths or dares. You're wasting your time. Informative threads: Anonymous S/M advice service Threads of note PM MEGET S/M ADVICE WORSHIPS RACHIE**

08-15-2011, 08:55 AM	#15
hanginginthere Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 9	Thanks everyone for all your advise Its really helping.. I'm still going to try and talk to my Master one more time about this and if he doesnt do anything about it ill find someone else.