Would you have an affair or cheat on a long term partner?

[Star Shadows]

Originally Posted by sweetsong

I would simply leave. I have just simply left. It's not in my personality to tolerate such things. I have "too much self respect" to think that I would be better off with an abusive person than "alone" which is often the fear I hear from my friends and acquaintances who have abusive partners.

Same. I'd rather be abused than the punching bag of someone who claimed once to love me.

[florida87x]

Well, here we differ. I have never had one of the people I knew who was in an abusive relationship say that they were worried about being alone. Nor did I feel that way myself when I was in one.

Every one of us could tell you how good an influence we were on that person. How the drinking/drugs/whatever the fuck that was screwing up their life was an anomaly and we were helping them get through it. We could tell you all about the good things this person did with there life, how they had so much potential and we were really helping them do good things.

One friend of mine, who dated a drug dealer for three years, didn't keep going back to him because she thought she'd end up alone. She stayed with him because he kept going through clean period, he would get off drugs when she really hounded him. She stayed with him while he gradually isolated her from her friends because he was brilliant a brilliant teacher of MR and autistic children. She stayed with him when he belittled her and forced drugs on her because in her mind, she was his one shot at a happy, drug free life.

When she left him, she didn't feel any sense of relief that her ordeal was over. She felt depressed that she was ruining the happiness of someone she thought could be a good man.

Sorry to rant, but it kind of offends me that people respond to the idea of this so flippantly, as if it is always a clear cut and easy thing. A lot of responses I encounter make it sound as if a person is weak for not getting out of an abusive relationship immediately. But how is wanting to help someone they care about weak?

[sweetsong]

Originally Posted by florida87x

Sorry to rant, but it kind of offends me that people respond to the idea of this so flippantly, as if it is always a clear cut and easy thing. A lot of responses I encounter make it sound as if a person is weak for not getting out of an abusive relationship immediately. But how is wanting to help someone they care about weak?

You have taken the thread completely in another direction away from the question...

The OP asked for what we personally would do, I personally answered for myself every time. Do I need to apologize that I'm not exactly like you?

I know that a person is not going to change for the better unless they have the motivation and drive within themselves; I am unable to be anyone's savior. And because that is my mindset, I'm really not attracted to "drug dealers", etc.

So yes, I know that I personally would never be in a place where I needed to "cheat" because I "couldn't" leave my drug dealer abusive boyfriend.

If you're gonna ask a question about what people would do personally, you must be prepared for the fact that they will do things differently than you do.

P.S. I also believe you can help people you care about without dating them. In fact, it's a much better idea not to be dating them.

[sweetsong]

Originally Posted by Star Shadows

Same. I'd rather be abused than the punching bag of someone who claimed once to love me.

Haha I think you meant.... "I'd rather be 'alone'...", no? :P

[Star Shadows]

Originally Posted by sweetsong

Haha I think you meant.... "I'd rather be 'alone'...", no? :P

Indeed I did- this is what happens when you are typing drunk in the dark on an ipod. Things stop making sense.

What I meant was:
"Same. I'd rather be alone than the punching bag of someone who claimed once to love me."

and yea even if it wasn't a case of being scared of being alone i wouldn't be able to stay in an abusive relationship: I have too much self pride in this respect. Not to say that those who are in an abusive relationship have no self pride.

[Captain Harkness]

irrespective of the timescale you should never cheat. There will be other alternatives to it like talking through any issues etc etc. it hurts to be done to and if you really want to you should break up with them. I had a girlfriend once, we lasted 14 months and anyways throughout the entire time she always said i was allowed to cheat if i wanted. My moral compass told me the obvious correct thing was to never cheat. Found out a month afterwards she had cheated on me at least twice. Quite possibly more.

[CollaredBlondie]

Originally Posted by BettyBoop

I never would, unless it's a really odd situation like the ones that have been mentioned above I don't understand why people cheat. I'd rather someone left me than cheated on me.

This. If my partner cheated on me, I'd leave when I found out. And I always find out.

[honeyness]

I couldn't cheat on somebody, no matter the amount of time I had dated them for, to get into a relationship is making a promise and a commitment to that one person. I am not one to break my promises, so I couldn't do it. I'm also likely to feel immense guilt that would prevent me even thinking about cheating before.

I find it interesting how people class as cheating, for example a ex-long term boyfriend I found out after the relationship was over that he had been having sexual conversations and playing stripping games with someone online. For me, because of the other person involved it felt as if he had cheated, yet to a lot of people that wouldn't seem bad.

[CollaredBlondie]

Originally Posted by honeyness

I find it interesting how people class as cheating, for example a ex-long term boyfriend I found out after the relationship was over that he had been having sexual conversations and playing stripping games with someone online. For me, because of the other person involved it felt as if he had cheated, yet to a lot of people that wouldn't seem bad.

I know exactly what you mean Honey. I'm exactly the same. It's one of the main reasons I won't give or take dares. I see it as cheating and I won't do it.