Psychological Punishments within BDSM

[Star Shadows]

Psychological punishments within BDSM

Background
Psychology is a massive part of the BDSM/S/m lifestyle far more than some people may consider. Not only does it affect why one person might be dominant, while another is submissive and others are vanilla, but it can also give us great insight into how to teach, punish and play. Domination and submission (also known as D&s, Ds or D/s, or on this site more commonly s/M or M/s) is a set of psychosexual behaviours, customs and rituals relating to the giving and accepting of dominance of one individual over another in an erotic or lifestyle context- stimulated and encouraged by a variety of hormones produced within the body, and certain thoughts and emotions.

Dominance and submission, and the inner conflict and surrender connected to these are enduring themes in human culture and civilization as well as human sexuality and can manifest even outside of the S/m environment, examples can be seen in both the animal kingdom and everyday life, pack mentality and trying to get the upper hand at work to name just a few. So while some have tried to argue such activities as being sexually deviant bordering on pathology (psychological abnormality) it is important to understand that what you feel is normal.

A slight disclaimer: these punishments are designed largely as a replacement to physical punishment; they are based on thoughts and emotional impacts rather than physical pain or punishment. As such they will not work on all slaves and submissives, and will work better on some than others so it would be recommended to try them and see and just not use them if they aren’t effective.


Some examples of psychological punishments:
- “I am disappointed in you”
This is the most simple of the psychological punishments really and is one of the ones that either works brilliantly or not at all. Many submissives and slaves can be more afraid of the knowledge that they have disappointed their dominants/masters than they are of the punishment itself. For those which this is the case this punishment you can jump upon this fear by telling them that they have disappointed or displeased you. This will cause them to feel very guilty and truly distraught so for many of the above mentioned submissives would be devastating enough to take more of an effect than a physical one. [I know submissives that would remain resilient trough pain but would cry if they were told they had disappointed their dominants.]

- Don’t shout at them, don’t even speak.
Again this is a one that only works on some submissives, for many I have talked to it can be incredibly effective. A scenario for you... how unnerving is it when you do something wrong as a small child, something that you are sure your mam or dad would shout at you for, and instead they don’t say anything, they are just scary quiet? This is partly the idea behind this. Rather than shouting or getting angry and upset with your submissive instead do not say anything outside of letting them know they have done something wrong- but keep it short. This pairs together the idea of the eerie quiet and the guilt and that can be found in the silence, where in some cases the chastisement of your own head can be worse than anything anyone else can say.

Another method that works well is the idea of using these first two in conjunction with one another firstly expressing your disappointment with them, before then not speaking to them for a short amount of time to let this settle in. Just make sure you settle things with them after as it could be very upsetting for them otherwise.

- Naughty step
The naughty step/naughty corner works in a similar way to the method of not talking to them. In sending them away to go and sit somewhere with no distractions, just sitting, it allows them to reflect on what they have done wrong. This again gives them no way of avoiding the chastising of their own head. Even used as an incredibly short duration punishment this is incredibly effective to use the submissives guilt against them. However again this may not work on some and works better on some than others.

(Some more to come)
AGAIN READ THIS BIT OR LEAVE DO NOT EVEN BOTHER TRYING THESE- LEAVE YOUR KIT AT THE DOOR AND WALK AWAY FROM THE LIFESTYLE(you shouldn’t be doing anything to a submissive without knowing the risks after all .. but you’re a big strong Dom and already know that ). Do not be so naive as to think that psychological punishments can be safer than a physical one, while the human mind can be very strong and adaptive it does not take a lot to knock its complex workings out of synchronisation and cause severe damage. Importantly while the damage of physical punishments are quite visible those of psychology are not- they can rest under the surface and eat away at someone until the very nature of their personality is changed beyond recognition. Be safe and extremely cautious with these punishments; do not continue them any longer than absolutely necessary to punish.

Additionally if you are going to use one of these punishments, then you must must must make sure that you have all the time you need to stay with your submissive and comfort them once it is over. If you cannot do this then psychological punishment should not be used. If in the unlikely event that you are called away from your submissive it is YOU the MASTER’S responsibility to have someone else available, a friend of your submissive, who you both trust, and explain to them what has happened. This way even though you are gone you will not have left your submissive unattended, and they will have help and comfort at hand. Leaving an upset and psychologically punished submissive alone is reprehensible and risks exacerbating their situation; quite possibly resulting in your initial damage being multiplied drastically.

Psychological punishments are very powerful devices indeed - be aware of their force and even more so that you run the risk of inadvertently triggering a change in the very nature of your subs character and that this change may leave your submissive nothing like they originally were; there is a great potential that you may not like the end result at all.

[Pet Phoenix]

Excelent points, tools never to be understimated, especially if your relationship with your sub is of the kind where headspace and the phsycological effect of things is very important to you both.

Things like this should never be forgotten while devising ever more diverse and complex physical punishments and excellently explained and presented stars, thank you

[Wasn't_Me]

I recieve mostly physical punishments, which work to an extent of course. But there is a part of me that truly does crave all the sensations that come with a physical punishment. Which inevitable means that I will simply misbehave if I begin to feel the need for such a punishment.
It really is a need as well, I go into a pure state of desperation. I have trouble thinking about anything besides how exactly I am going to get myself spanked next. It may be silly, but its the truth.

Now there is something I never want to hear. And you put down the exact words, "I am disappointed in you." It absolutely crushes me, being spanked and sent to the corner is of course bad but at the same to rids me of the guilt immediately. That single line is enough to bring me back into a state of total submission. Its ridiculous!

Anywho, I guess that was an overly long way of saying: Good Advice

[Star Shadows]

More ideas- continuation.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

This punishment is based on repression and can be very frustrating. The principle of this punishment is to forbid the submissive from apologising for their wrongs. They should not be allowed to say sorry, apologise, or anything to that effect. The end result of this is that you forbid them from gaining forgiveness, even though, in your heart, you have already given it.

You have the possibility to see how this would work looking to the submissives who will apologise repeatedly so the prevention of this is very frustrating for a submissive and can teach them not to do things wrong to avoid the lingering guilt.

This punishment should be strictly timed; be merciful in your punishment and do not forbid apology for extended periods as it can be demoralising and very upsetting if left unattended. Forgiveness is an essential component of all relationships and they are unlikely to last without it.

Psychological punishments are effective but you do not want to psychologically damage your submissive so again use caution and your own discretion based on the knowledge of your submissive to decide how long this is appropriate for - if you don’t yet have that knowledge then start with lower goals to learn, or do not use them at all. If you don’t know anything about your submissive you can risk hurting them and your reputation.


Forgive me, Master, for I have sinned.

The objective of this punishment is for your submissive to explain, in detail, what they did wrong, why they did it, why it was wrong, and what they wish to do to rectify and learn from this infraction. In doing this submissive is forced to dig deep and come to terms with what they did, and as a result face the guilt that comes with it.

Firmly express that nondescript, ambiguous answers like “I don’t know” will not be tolerated and, if used, will be punished further. Ultimately the submissive will try and fish for the things that they think their master is looking for, and in doing so will admit to other, lesser wrongs in the hope of finding the right one.

This is not so much a punishment that can be used on its own but it could be incorporated into writing lines or repetitive mantra as a means of rote learning and learning through repetition, or alternatively used in conjunction with corner time to ensure that they are reflecting upon their misdeeds, which they must then report back to you later.

I think, but I no longer am.


This idea seeks to TEMPORARILY degrade the submissive to a form which is less than they typically deserve as a means of reasserting their position that while in play situations they are “lesser” than you. As always, remember outside of these times your submissive should be your equal.

For a short amount of time prohibit them from using first person pronouns, in severe cases you have the option to prohibit them from using their very own name with it instead being replaced by a word that your submissive would find uncomfortable using themselves. However it is important to discuss this as there may be words that evoke particular bad memories or negative effects that should really be avoided to prevent latent damage.

for example::
“I am hungry, could i go get a snack” may be changed to
“Sub is hungry, could she go and get a snack”

When this is used across a period of time it takes a lot of concentration meaning they have to think about doing it and why they are doing it, and it lowers the view of self to degrade them a little- humbling them back to their rightful place in play so to speak.

THE IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER AND WARNING. READ IT!!!!!
While i have mentioned this a number of times already do not use this punishment over a long period of time- more so than the others this can cause serious damage that can take a great deal of time, pain and effort to undo. Messing around with people’s psychology always has consequences make sure you are aware of them before you begin and do not underestimate the fact that just because you cannot see physical scars like bruises and cuts does not mean that damage has not been caused. FOR SHIT SAKE BE CAREFUL WITH THIS and do not do anything that you do not know how to undo.

For those with more than one submissive:
- watch others submit to you.

If you have another submissive who agrees to this you can create a rather effective punishment for some (this may not work for all as for some watching their Dom give attention to another person and not them can be very erotic- never understood that one personally) Simply enough force your submissive watch you play with another submissive, this will create great envy while demonstrating what they are missing out on. Make sure that you specify that you’re submissive is not to play with themselves in any way during your time playing with the other submissive- if necessary have two cams running at once- one to watch them and one to watch your other submissive. Again though make sure the viewed submissive is consenting to being watched otherwise you will lose their trust.



AGAIN READ THIS BIT OR LEAVE DO NOT EVEN BOTHER TRYING THESE- LEAVE YOUR KIT AT THE DOOR AND WALK AWAY FROM THE LIFESTYLE(you shouldn’t be doing anything to a submissive without knowing the risks after all .. but you’re a big strong Dom and already know that ). Do not be so naive as to think that psychological punishments can be safer than a physical one, while the human mind can be very strong and adaptive it does not take a lot to knock its complex workings out of synchronisation and cause severe damage. Importantly while the damage of physical punishments are quite visible those of psychology are not- they can rest under the surface and eat away at someone until the very nature of their personality is changed beyond recognition. Be safe and extremely cautious with these punishments; do not continue them any longer than absolutely necessary to punish.

Additionally if you are going to use one of these punishments, then you must must must make sure that you have all the time you need to stay with your submissive and comfort them once it is over. If you cannot do this then psychological punishment should not be used. If in the unlikely event that you are called away from your submissive it is YOU the MASTER’S responsibility to have someone else available, a friend of your submissive, who you both trust, and explain to them what has happened. This way even though you are gone you will not have left your submissive unattended, and they will have help and comfort at hand. Leaving an upset and psychologically punished submissive alone is reprehensible and risks exacerbating their situation; quite possibly resulting in your initial damage being multiplied drastically.

Psychological punishments are very powerful devices indeed - be aware of their force and even more so that you run the risk of inadvertently triggering a change in the very nature of your subs character and that this change may leave your submissive nothing like they originally were; there is a great potential that you may not like the end result at all.


In response to your replies so far.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pet Phoenix
Excellent points, tools never to be underestimated, especially if your relationship with your sub is of the kind where head space and the psychological effect of things is very important to you both.

Things like this should never be forgotten while devising ever more diverse and complex physical punishments and excellently explained and presented stars, thank you

Exactly. I feel that the powers of psychology in both teaching and punishment in this lifestyle are vastly underestimated- but hand in hand so are the dangers. This sort of punishment can be far more successful in some cases than physical ones can be. And thank you very much for your positive feedback.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Wasn't_Me
I receive mostly physical punishments, which work to an extent of course. But there is a part of me that truly does crave all the sensations that come with a physical punishment. Which inevitable means that I will simply misbehave if I begin to feel the need for such a punishment.
It really is a need as well; I go into a pure state of desperation. I have trouble thinking about anything besides how exactly I am going to get myself spanked next. It may be silly, but it’s the truth.

Now there is something I never want to hear. And you put down the exact words, "I am disappointed in you." It absolutely crushes me; being spanked and sent to the corner is of course bad but at the same to rids me of the guilt immediately. That single line is enough to bring me back into a state of total submission. It’s ridiculous!

Anywho, I guess that was an overly long way of saying: Good Advice

Thank you again this is very much the situation in which these are most suited. For some submissives physical punishments are craved defeating the point of it being a punishment at all- these are a way of getting around that. (And I’m exactly the same with the “I am disappointed in you” thing. it’s totally devastating.)

Also NOT special thanks to my daily hassle Philosophical / Mark for helping me edit the thread.

[subgirl1993]

Bravo StarShadows, amazing post. i know specifically the first two on your original post would be absolutely horrible for me.

i look forward to seeing what else you have.