Need advice from elite Masters

[Anjelen]

Why thank you, Sweetsong. I myself hope he does, as well - upon rereading it i must admit i'm slightly worried about having hit TL;DR territory. :P

[SubMissChievous]

Thanks for the clarifications. I do understand a lot better your dynamic and issues and I see Anjelen has already made an excellent and helpful post here. So I will simply add here from a sub's perspective.

Originally Posted by wifizoo

I've noticed she is ok with the slave idea when she's horny, but other times when I told her what do to she said she doesn't like this stuff non-stop as it's becoming annoying for her ad she's not a slave.

Even though I usually avoid the whole «slave vs. sub» comparisons because both terms can have somewhat different meanings to each and everyone, I will have to go along what Anjelen said to you. I will because your sub said herself that she's not a slave. If she has made it clear to you that she enjoys it «only in the bedroom» then you'll have to respect that. Of course, you can ask her why she doesn't enjoy to be controled in other ways as well as explain from your side what appeals to you about controling someone «outside of the bedroom». That way you will at least understand each other better. However, just one advice here: if you are to explain to her your side and what you would enjoy from controling other aspects of her do so in a very neutral manner. And avoid lines like «I would like it if you were more submissive...» Even if you don't mean it bad or negative. I know from experience that female subs are usually very sensitive to stuff like that and it can have a really nasty impact on some...

But in the end, it's HER CHOICE. You simply can't take something she's not willing or not comfortable enough to give to you.

Originally Posted by wifizoo

She is definitely a sub by default, but so far I wasn't dominant enough, I was more like her friend and didn't boss her around or stuff.

Hmm.. not really sure I understand what «sub by default» means but I think you need to understand and be aware that just because she isn't willing to let you control other aspects of her aside from sexual stuff does not mean you're not dominant enough or doing it wrong. It is simply a matter of having different interests and/or needs.

You know... in your two last posts you certainly did clarify very well your situation but if I read through your lines I get the feeling that you're questioning yourself a lot... As if you were failing at being a good Dom because she won't go into a more 24/7 dynamic with you. Or more specifically, because you can't make her want it... Don't blame yourself for that. No one can make someone else dive into such a dynamic if they don't want to.

Originally Posted by wifizoo

Now since she is my long time gf, I know I don't have to play the master/slave thing with her all the time, but then again, being too friendly would diminish my authority and she'll be less likely to accept orders from me.

Again I agree with what Anjelen already told you on this. There is nothing that says you can't retain any form of authority by being friendly or close to your girlfriend. And as it already been said: in a D/s dynamic, the authority that you have over your sub is given to you. You can't take more by changing your tone of attitude. Take me for example: I am in a dynamic where a lot of other non-sexual things are being controled. I have given that control because I WANT to. And yet my Dom is the friendliest that I've had. Some may enjoy a more stricter uber-serious approach but a lot of others feel actually more inclined to submit when they feel closer to the person who they submit to. Again, like for how and when to submit, this is also a matter of preferences.

Originally Posted by wifizoo

So when I asked her to clean up her own room and she replied she will do it when she will want to, now what a good Dominant would do in this particular situation?

Same answer as Anjelen (again): Respect her wishes. Insisting, even in the most subtle and clever way, won't do any good in my opinion as she already said she found this type of control annoying.

Originally Posted by wifizoo

She said she's okay with it in the bedroom but not 24/7.
However her personality is very submissive 24/7 and she always was. She is shy and she really enjoys doing favors for others as long as they are not disrespectful.

Enjoying doing favors for others, wanting to help, being friendly and nice... all these are not necessarily submissive traits. In fact I do know quite a few Dominants who fit exactly those qualities in their social life. If she says she's okay in the bedroom but not 24/7 then it's sounds pretty clear to me. You can't interpret her social behavior as being more «slave-like». I think you should listen more to what she says than to how she acts with others in her every day life.

Originally Posted by wifizoo

That's why I'm now thinking to become more authoritarian and start bossing her around but in a subtle way that she wouldn't mind.

wifizoo... please re-read what you've just said here... You're saying that you are considering becoming more authoritarian... Sounds to me like you're saying «I will change how I am in order to change how she is». You do realize that you're complicating things? Oh and I'm afraid that if she really doesn't want to be bossed around in general that she would mind if you try it in a «subtle» way... Like I suggested previously, you really should start thinking of having a clear and honest discussion (and probably more than one) about what you BOTH need out of D/s before even considering opting for a different approach to D/s.

All I can think of adding here is that no matter how submissive one can be 24/7 is not for everyone. For some this could rapidly feel suffocating and insisting won't change a person's character and preferences. If she really isn't into it, insisting, no matter if it's in a subtle way or not, will most likely drive her away from it all.

Just a little sidenote...

Originally Posted by sweetsong

What do you mean your "authority over her"? You have no authority over her. This is the 21st Century. Women are not property.

sweetsong, I understand what you mean and, in a general / more traditional context I would 100% agree with you, but in this context the OP and his girlfriend are currently in a sort of D/s dynamic. So, yes, he does have a certain control (in the bedroom) and may have some sort of authority that has been consensually given to him. So it's not really a matter of whether it's okay or not but more «how» and «when» in this particular case

Oh and some modern 21st Century gals don't mind being property (look under my username ). It's all fine as long as one consent and is happy with this of course

[sweetsong]

Originally Posted by Chloe

sweetsong, I understand what you mean and, in a general / more traditional context I would 100% agree with you, but in this context the OP and his girlfriend are currently in a sort of D/s dynamic. So, yes, he does have a certain control (in the bedroom) and may have some sort of authority that has been consensually given to him. So it's not really a matter of whether it's okay or not but more «how» and «when» in this particular case

Oh and some modern 21st Century gals don't mind being property (look under my username ). It's all fine as long as one consent and is happy with this of course

It's all good. (: He just sounded like he had some "right" to be in authority over her all the time because she likes to be submissive in bed... That was all. (:

And I'd give your post 5 stars too.