[Fiction] The den dare challange game

[Star Shadows]

Ok so this is my First thread, talk about starting easy fortunately it I'snt my first writing venture so it shouldn't be too bad.
Comments are graciously welcomed hope you enjoy.

tada, and the story begins
So we were all standing in 'the den ', a garage type building in the bottom of Jonas' huge garden. It had everything in it from bathrooms to kitchens and sleeping stuff in the loft part so we had turned it into a dare den for us to use and safely hide all the toys parents would find strange as they had left it for Jonas' to look after himself to make him 'More Responsible' (didn’t work). So the point is that Lilli, me Kane Damien Jonas and Rochelle were all in the den after Rochelle and Jonas delivered us a suspicious text.

Get to the den
You have 20 minutes
Your challenge awaits.

When we were summoned like this with so little time or information it was generally a bad. Well bad at the time anyway.

"So why exactly are we here Jonas?" I asked almost dreading the answer.
"All in good time, sit have a drink." Ok so now I knew it was bad if he was acting like this.
"No just tell us." Lilli almost ordered trying to keep her voice calm, it was Rochelle that broke the suspense.


"He, Jonas, has planned a game, girl vs. boy in truth or dare related rounds, 3 dares each then a truth then 2 days of being dare slave to the opposing side."
"What’s in it for us?" Kane asked.
"Apart from humiliating Lilli and Cloe?" this was going to be a disaster.
"£50 each for the winning team made up from dare money, bets and blackmail." the boys faces lit up clearly now excited by the game.
"I want rules then." Lilli demanded. Understandably. We both have done stupid things because of dares before.
"Ok, fair enough sit down and we can discuss rules.
We all sat down.

"What rules do you want then?" Jonas asked.
"Nothing I will get arrested for." I said looking directly at Kane.
"What that was once and it was so funny." he smiled winking. "All I dared you to do was handcuff yourself naked to a lamp post and see how many people would kiss you."
"Yea and I got arrested for sexual harassment and indecent exposure."
"Ok so nothing illegal because you are all now at an age where u will actually end up in prison." Kane frowned.
"No long-lasting or permanent damage." Damien pointed out this one we all agreed to. the final rule was that no-one else was to be told about what happened, at least not in the dare bit, we all liked public humiliation slave tasks on other too much to save ourselves from them. So the game began.

[dareing G]

This could be a great story keep it going

[Komodo Jones]

OK I'm going have to against daering G on this one and just say a few things. I tell this to a lot of writers and I cannot stress it enough, please please, please read over your stories before submitting them. The whole first paragraph was almost a complete run-on sentence. When I is alone or in a contraction (i.e. I'll) it is always capatalized. I noticed a lot of spelling errors and mechanical errors. As a result of this, I couldn't really understand the whole of what was going on. You also should describe what the characters look like. In order to make this story good you need to work on mechanical and spelling errors. It may not annoy some people but for me it's just ugh.

[Star Shadows]

[QUOTE= please please, please read over your stories before submitting them. The whole first paragraph was almost a complete run-on sentence. When I is alone or in a contraction (i.e. I'll) it is always capatalized. I noticed a lot of spelling errors and mechanical errors. As a result of this, I couldn't really understand the whole of what was going on. You also should describe what the characters look like. In order to make this story good you need to work on mechanical and spelling errors. It may not annoy some people but for me it's just ugh.[/QUOTE]


Ok I have made changes but I was actually planning to describe the characters in the next bit (plus my descriptions on characters tend to be a tad iffy and listlike,) I am so sorry my horrific spelling made for an unpleasant read I didnt realise it was as bad as yourself and microsoft word kindly pointed out.

[Star Shadows]

We all drew lots as to who drew first, pushing his black fringe out of his eyes Jonas held out four straws of different lengths; First to Lilli who seemed to jump back and glare at them with her deep blue eyes as if they weren’t actually straws but venomous snakes. Once she drew her straw it was Damien’s turn, he stopped playing with his blonde hair and looked at the straws calculating with his cold grey eyes which was likely to be the longest.
Everyone was deadly silent so much so I was positive that my heartbeat could be heard from under my long brown hair, so nearly short pink hair. Jonas then turned to Kane, leaving me last, probably as some punishment for a dare I had given him.
“This is to decide who goes first in each round.”
Finally we all looked at our straws; I had the shortest causing Jonas’ green eyes to turn to me.
“Ok, so Cloe will go first then.” He smiled winking, he had set me up, and somehow they knew which was which. I didn’t know whether to be happy or terrified about being first in the firing line, they wouldn’t be extra mean for revenge but they would be full of new and evil ideas.
We all moved back to the wooden chairs. There was a big armchair at the top end for Jonas and Rochelle and the wooden chairs were in pairs facing each other. It was like a lazy person faceoff.
“Shake hands.” Jonas prompted us, we all just laughed, it was all in the name of fun and we only hated each other until we were able to get revenge, and that we did.
“Who’s giving the first dare then?” I asked hoping aimlessly that Damien would go first, he wasn’t as...mean, well it wasn’t mean; he wasn’t as... no mean fits it best. Let’s just say that I always preferred Damien’s dares, always.
My heart sank as Kane put his hand up. “I dare you to take an extra day as dare slave.” I almost swore but instead decided to plead with the judges.
“Is he even allowed to do that?” I questioned frantically.
“He is, and he has so you either accept the dare or get another day as forfeit.” Jonas smiled what an option.It was obvious now that he had planned this from the second he heard Jonas' proposition, catch 22, exactly what I was worried about.
“Fine.” I sighed this was going to be hell. At least I would have a chance for revenge but it was Lilli's dare next and she looked terrified, weather of the whole game or weather it was being put in the same situation as me all her colour had gone from her usually tanned face, I was almost certain she was safe though, kane just hated me when it came to dares, I was, in his words, 'his favorite little victim.' Damien put his hand up for her dare and she didn't even try to hide her relife.
"THANK GOD."
"don't be so quick to assum." he started, meaning it wasn't a good thing, or that Kane had intimidated him with his unfair dare.

[Popcorn]

this is good, i like it

[Star Shadows]

shame it will now take a while cos i forgot all my ideas

[Star Shadows]

Can a mod please deleat this cos i am not sure weather i can and it is just littering