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getDare Survival Guide

Posted 06-18-2017 at 03:38 PM by CSasha
Updated 12-23-2017 at 04:26 AM by CSasha

Eyes bigger than the mouth. Do you know that moment when you desire more than is good for you, when you bit off more than you can chew, or when something surprisingly turns out to be quite different than you thought? Happens all too often, to all of us. It's fine.

Today I encountered several current and past bigger examples of this issue, here on getDare: People, who started quite ambitious, nearly as much as to make me worry by their planned burden, only to be more or less clearly overwhelmed by it. Mentioning this, here's my full respect for everyone starting a bigger project, aiming for a record or just challenging themselves. It's good, and I wish you the best luck, success, brain, heart, and support.

For all of us no matter what tasks we are going to challenge, here are some wishes of mine:

1. Watch your step, mind your balance, take care of yourself! Acknowledge, respect and satisfy your needs. It's all too easy to be distracted from this, but you cannot dance, serve, or help anyone when you fall yourself or when you are on the ground. This is a mostly online community, so no matter how much we sometimes want to rush to your side and give you a hug and help you up, we can't. You are going to find much more partners and friends if you are stable by yourself.

These are the things you have to do under any circumstances, and very frequently: breath in and out, piss, shit, drink, sleep, eat, keep yourself clean, dry and warm, notice that your existence is meaningful no matter who you are, what you did and what you do. That's it!
Everything else is optional. You may want and like to have or do plenty of other, additional things, way too many to have and do them all. That's also fine. Reach for the stars, lovely. But never despair when you fail (or despair and cry, then relax and recover, then get up and continue with what looks best).
This is just another necessary step towards your goals, NOT the end of the world. Never exchange care of yourself for pursuing your dreams, because it was doomed. You can only have both: Yourself and your dream.

2. We all had this moment: Failure. But what to do about it? Admit failure! There's no (good) way around it. Admit it to yourself, admit it to others. And then draw the consequences. Maybe your project was way too ambitious. Or you hadn't anticipated the results of your rules or the support of others to raise your goals. Or you just forgot to set a limit. No problem. Identify the problem, then fix it. You are not on a space flight (and even if you were: same procedure). Have feelings, express them to relieve yourself, then go on. We are all just Humans.

3. Remember: You are lovely! Yes, you! I don't care how low you think of yourself. You might need a master, mistress, dom, dommes, top or any partner to recognize it, or just some friends, but sometimes you are the one who has to step up for this inevitable truth. It may be a special issue in relation to our fetishes and kinks, looking to be a sub or slave, serving others, being humiliated and degraded, used and abused, being hit and hurt senseless. Hell yeah. But in the end, you have to admit these are big fantasies, fed by powerful sexuality and self-aggression, potentially healthy in my view, and whatever you strive for, it is some kind of possibly uncommon appreciation and meaning. You don't get that by always and fatally destroying yourself. Never lower yourself out of the world. Especially if you are a sub or slave, it's not your right to judge or break yourself. That's other people's privilege. (And those people care for you, too. Never break your toys or you can't use them anymore.)

4. Communicate! I have no problem with anybody who admits a mistake and stays in contact. I have much more problems with people disappearing from one day to another without a single word. That said, I have no more issues with any people reappearing. You are back? Awesome! You definitely have more problems with it yourself, fear of rejection, guilt and shame, all kind of burdens. Everything between you and me (and others), we can talk about. All problems get solved by ... Communication! (at least as soon as we are a couple of various people with experiences, skills, talents, tools, beliefs)

Hope to see you (again!)

Have fun and take care
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Total Comments 10


  1. Old Comment
    Grand.Master691's Avatar
    Great post, Cassandra, there are people who really need some guidelines and I hope it will help them in the future.
    Posted 06-18-2017 at 11:20 PM by Grand.Master691 Grand.Master691 is offline
  2. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Many thanks for your compliments.
    Posted 06-18-2017 at 11:31 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  3. Old Comment
    little pet's Avatar
    You've put list of very useful advice in here. Great job!
    Posted 06-19-2017 at 07:37 AM by little pet little pet is offline
  4. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Thank you so much, Sub.lucy.
    Posted 06-20-2017 at 03:57 AM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    What a very nice post. I still hate you, but this is a very very nice post!
    Posted 06-20-2017 at 09:20 AM by Jaro Jaro is offline
  6. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Thank you, dear worm. I hope you love to hate me, at least.
    Posted 06-20-2017 at 10:49 AM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    I think this is pretty sound advice. The first point definitely resonated with me. I have a habit of taking on projects that have good intentions but are WAY too big for one person. I have had to admit defeat a few times and it stings, but I have learned that I am important. My health and happiness are important!
    Posted 06-20-2017 at 01:00 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Sexyplant's Avatar
    I love this survival guide. At the end of the day, we can't expect to dom or submit to others if we aren't taking care of ourselves. We can't expect playtime either or healthy connections either.

    It has taken me some time, but I have finally come closer to acknowledging that I matter a lot and so does my health and happiness. Goals I am reaching for with each day.
    Posted 03-27-2020 at 11:51 AM by Sexyplant Sexyplant is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Geo T's Avatar
    An excellent post! I wish more people would acknowledge the utter wisdom in it and live by it.
    To me, it clearly shows you're a real Human.
    Posted 04-14-2023 at 09:24 AM by Geo T Geo T is offline
  10. Old Comment
    The Otter Jackie's Avatar
    Excellent post. I'm glad I saw your signature with the nice welcome packet of information. Thank you.
    Posted 11-30-2023 at 02:34 AM by The Otter Jackie The Otter Jackie is offline

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