One of the most incorrect statements I've ever heard.
Posted 03-10-2014 at 01:22 PM by IceMaiden
"It's easier to be a Dominant than a submissive."
I read this earlier and was somewhat speechless after doing so. One of the points highlighted suggested that it was easier to be a dominant because all a Dominant has to do is give orders.
What the fuck?
That is NOT what being a Dominant is about at all.
Of course, a Dominant will give orders and should expect them to be carried through and should administer discipline if they aren't and when necessary.
Does that mean a Dominant's sole purpose is to blindly assign orders and there is nothing else involved?
No. It most certainly does not.
On the surface it may look like a Dominant has it 'easier.' But that's so far from the truth.
I consider myself a switch, so from the perspective of my Dominant side, I can say without a doubt that it is so much more than just giving out orders. You have to really know your submissive, you have to trust your submissive, you have to respect your submissive. Just because you're the one in control doesn't make it easier. You have to know how far you can push, you have to know how far is too far and when to stop. You have to know that sometimes your limits will be higher than your submissives and respect and adhere to those of your submissives. You have to know how to care for them after a session and you have to know when no really does mean no.
There might be times during a session that I'm crying out for Pupil to stop, or constantly telling him no when he asks if I want to continue. He has to know exactly when that "no" becomes an actual no and not a "I'm saying no but don't stop really." It's hard work and mentally exhausting at times. As a Dominant, you have to know your submissive inside out, and really understand the way their mind works. You have to be able to peel away the layers and the outer walls of a submissive until you finally reach the stage where the submissive trusts you absolutely. It's not something easy to achieve, in fact I'd say it's probably one of the most difficult things.
You have to be creative and be on top of things at all times. So many times I've heard from other submissives that they have acted out on purpose in the hopes of being held accountable, to see how their Dominant will react, to reassure themselves that their Dominant is taking things seriously.
Hell, I've done it myself. And whilst Pupil has and does hold me accountable for it, he had to figure out the reasons why I was doing this, he had to sit me down and push and prod and poke me until I really opened up and stated what I wanted. So many of us have kinks, fetishes, fantasies that we keep hidden for a number of reasons, and it's up to the Dominant to figure out what those are, to bring the submissive out of their shell so to speak, and figure out what, if anything, should be done about it.
I get bored very quickly. I will try something new, and if I decide it isn't for me I might even leave it unfinished. Sometimes I'll try 17 different things simultaneously and then become stressed because I can't give each specific attention. Pupil then ends up dealing with my aggravation and short attention span and has to decide how to act accordingly without making me feel like I've done something wrong or failed something. I imagine that is a full time job all on its own.
I'm very disorganized and continually put things off that I shouldn't. I dislike making decisions that aren't fun, and that leaves it to Pupil to constantly check I'm actually doing as I should, administering discipline when and if needed and eventually if needed making the decision for me. But he has to find a way to do that wont make me resent him for it or feel like I'm stupid for not doing it myself. Another full time job.
Now, let's go back to the fact I get bored easily. Very, very easily. So that causes Pupil yet another job-to be creative continuously, no slacking. He works hard to keep my interest in rules, tasks etc. I bet that's exhausting both intellectually and emotionally.
So no...a Dominant isn't just someone who "blindly gives out orders." It's hard work and a lot of effort. If done correctly, it's also very rewarding.
For those that believe Dominant's do nothing more than blindly give orders, or if you are one of these so called dominants...fuck off and get a real hobby.
I read this earlier and was somewhat speechless after doing so. One of the points highlighted suggested that it was easier to be a dominant because all a Dominant has to do is give orders.
What the fuck?
That is NOT what being a Dominant is about at all.
Of course, a Dominant will give orders and should expect them to be carried through and should administer discipline if they aren't and when necessary.
Does that mean a Dominant's sole purpose is to blindly assign orders and there is nothing else involved?
No. It most certainly does not.
On the surface it may look like a Dominant has it 'easier.' But that's so far from the truth.
I consider myself a switch, so from the perspective of my Dominant side, I can say without a doubt that it is so much more than just giving out orders. You have to really know your submissive, you have to trust your submissive, you have to respect your submissive. Just because you're the one in control doesn't make it easier. You have to know how far you can push, you have to know how far is too far and when to stop. You have to know that sometimes your limits will be higher than your submissives and respect and adhere to those of your submissives. You have to know how to care for them after a session and you have to know when no really does mean no.
There might be times during a session that I'm crying out for Pupil to stop, or constantly telling him no when he asks if I want to continue. He has to know exactly when that "no" becomes an actual no and not a "I'm saying no but don't stop really." It's hard work and mentally exhausting at times. As a Dominant, you have to know your submissive inside out, and really understand the way their mind works. You have to be able to peel away the layers and the outer walls of a submissive until you finally reach the stage where the submissive trusts you absolutely. It's not something easy to achieve, in fact I'd say it's probably one of the most difficult things.
You have to be creative and be on top of things at all times. So many times I've heard from other submissives that they have acted out on purpose in the hopes of being held accountable, to see how their Dominant will react, to reassure themselves that their Dominant is taking things seriously.
Hell, I've done it myself. And whilst Pupil has and does hold me accountable for it, he had to figure out the reasons why I was doing this, he had to sit me down and push and prod and poke me until I really opened up and stated what I wanted. So many of us have kinks, fetishes, fantasies that we keep hidden for a number of reasons, and it's up to the Dominant to figure out what those are, to bring the submissive out of their shell so to speak, and figure out what, if anything, should be done about it.
I get bored very quickly. I will try something new, and if I decide it isn't for me I might even leave it unfinished. Sometimes I'll try 17 different things simultaneously and then become stressed because I can't give each specific attention. Pupil then ends up dealing with my aggravation and short attention span and has to decide how to act accordingly without making me feel like I've done something wrong or failed something. I imagine that is a full time job all on its own.
I'm very disorganized and continually put things off that I shouldn't. I dislike making decisions that aren't fun, and that leaves it to Pupil to constantly check I'm actually doing as I should, administering discipline when and if needed and eventually if needed making the decision for me. But he has to find a way to do that wont make me resent him for it or feel like I'm stupid for not doing it myself. Another full time job.
Now, let's go back to the fact I get bored easily. Very, very easily. So that causes Pupil yet another job-to be creative continuously, no slacking. He works hard to keep my interest in rules, tasks etc. I bet that's exhausting both intellectually and emotionally.
So no...a Dominant isn't just someone who "blindly gives out orders." It's hard work and a lot of effort. If done correctly, it's also very rewarding.
For those that believe Dominant's do nothing more than blindly give orders, or if you are one of these so called dominants...fuck off and get a real hobby.
Total Comments 11
Comments
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I have to agree with it, taking care of a submissive is actually a very hard job, especially with a submissive like you
Posted 03-10-2014 at 01:27 PM by Athanael 
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I agree its not easy, there is lots of things to remember about your sub that they like don't like. If they mentioned how something made them feel at one time, or hinted they would like to try it in the future. I am constantly thinking of ways I can use something someone says that I give tasks to or play with against them in a future task. Like the task frosty is doing that I created for rose, she had never told me she hated the loss of music but she did mention it during her contest with frosty so it became something that I knew she would be a little upset at losing. Anyone can make tasks for you, but a real dom will find a way to get inside your mind and not only give you a fun challenging task that might be right at the edge of omg can I really do this and wow this sounds so exciting I have to do this!Posted 03-10-2014 at 01:42 PM by Shadowice
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I cant speak from experience, but i always imagine being dominant is easier than being submissive in the same way as organic chemistry is easier than quantum physics.
IT DOESNT WORK THAT WAY!!! THEY ARE BOTH FREAKING HARD, some people just enjoy one or the other more, which makes it easier for them personally.Posted 03-10-2014 at 01:52 PM by OneMoreTime
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Completely agree, both are difficult and for different reasons. The point I was trying to make was the misconception of "you just give out orders"Quote:Originally Posted by OneMoreTime
I cant speak from experience, but i always imagine being dominant is easier than being submissive in the same way as organic chemistry is easier than quantum physics.
IT DOESNT WORK THAT WAY!!! THEY ARE BOTH FREAKING HARD, some people just enjoy one or the other more, which makes it easier for them personally.
I plan to write from the submissive POV soon, when I can be bothered
Posted 03-10-2014 at 02:04 PM by IceMaiden
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Being a shitty dominant is easy. Perhaps that's all that person had experienced?
Or, if they find being a good dominant comes completely naturally to them and have lucked out in findings subs that match them perfectly... HehPosted 03-10-2014 at 02:19 PM by Alexis Rune
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I have struggled to sleep on many occasions worrying about a sub. I've stayed up all night talking to them if they need me. However one phrase I agree with is, "it takes a strong man (or woman) to dominate but it takes a stronger man (or woman) to submit.'Posted 03-10-2014 at 02:23 PM by TheBitchofBitches
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You know I read the first statement in this entry and just laughed, more scoffed really. Totally agree with everything you said in this entry. I think creativity is one of the most difficult things I have to do when I am a dominant. And I also think the reason that this person may have said this statement is because of, what I think anyway, the distortion of what many people think a D/s relationship is. Do this or I'll punish you and that's it. That's not it. I say this all the time the key word in that phrase is D/s RELATIONSHIP. Not all of us view our submissives as just playtoys nor should we.Posted 03-10-2014 at 02:40 PM by Komodo Jones
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Quite frankly, back when I participated in online D/s relationships, and yes, they were in fact RELATIONSHIPS, I found it much easier to be submissive. I did the best I could to please Dravot, and I enjoyed writing my reports. I found it quite easy to follow orders!
As for being dominant, wow! That was quite a challenge. The creativeness was very natural to me. But it takes so much time and effort! With the exception of one person I dommed, I was always friends with them as well. To me, the friendship was the first and most important thing of the D/s relationship in general. And finding a good balance between friendship and being dominant over them takes a good bit of effort.
You want to make sure the sub enjoys their submission, but still 'fear' (obviously, not truly fear) displeasing you.
So yea, for me, subbing was much easier (perhaps because I enjoyed it more?). I'm sure it's different for everyone.
I could go on and on I'm sure, but Lover, seriously, DAMN good blog postPosted 03-10-2014 at 03:57 PM by Rose_Angel
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Very nicely written article, and I definitely agree. No one is right at all times- a dominant has to be. He can never allow himself to be tired, or in a bad mood, or angry. If that's easy, I don't know what is hard.Posted 03-10-2014 at 04:39 PM by Sindrato
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This is fantastic. As a sub who is kind of looking for a master, this is so reassuring that this much thought and effort goes into being a dom. I hope this helps subs be more honest and open, because I have done guessing games with people and they are maddening. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!Posted 03-10-2014 at 10:56 PM by naughtylittlegirl
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This is a beautiful blog post, frosty, as always; I've missed this!Posted 03-11-2014 at 02:02 AM by StrawDog
