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  1. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar

    Why I won't ever force you ...

    Yep! Although there's also consensual non-consent. But that too needs to communicate well and up front and should only be done by people who know and trust each other so well.
    Posted 12-14-2021 at 09:22 PM by Jaro Jaro is offline
  2. Old Comment
    MarkNDoubt's Avatar

    Why I won't ever force you ...

    Nice pragmatic post and full of truth!

    Mark
    Posted 12-13-2021 at 02:04 PM by MarkNDoubt MarkNDoubt is offline
  3. Old Comment
    MarkNDoubt's Avatar

    Why I won't ever force you ...

    Amazing post

    Mark
    Posted 12-13-2021 at 02:03 PM by MarkNDoubt MarkNDoubt is offline
    Updated 12-13-2021 at 02:05 PM by MarkNDoubt
  4. Old Comment
    Lemuricon's Avatar

    Kink: unfairness/being bullied/bully

    I can also agree from the receiving side. someone taking away the control and bullying the plan into something "worse" can be a really amazing experience.

    Also, beware of perkygirlie XD or try to ignore she is around XD
    Posted 10-04-2021 at 02:08 AM by Lemuricon Lemuricon is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Manarus's Avatar

    Breaking point

    Absolutely!

    (gD says my message is too short, I however think it is quite the right length)
    Posted 10-03-2021 at 01:14 PM by Manarus Manarus is offline
  6. Old Comment
    FrostbittenSoul's Avatar

    Breaking point

    Every thread looking for tasks ... punishments ... or dares should always include a safe word just like in the real world ... and when it becomes too much ... that safe word should be uttered without the fear of punishment or retribution.

    When it all comes down to it ... the sub/slave is responsible for their own safe ... you always have a safe word even if you're with someone you trust ... why wouldn't you also have it when giving up control to a hoard of strangers?

    A safe word is something we all understand and respect ... (or at least we all should).
    Posted 10-03-2021 at 09:55 AM by FrostbittenSoul FrostbittenSoul is offline
  7. Old Comment
    SissyDiaper<3er's Avatar

    Breaking point

    You used the magic word. The most important thing in any Dom/sub relationship: "Care"

    Beautifully exposed and explained. Thank you very much

    Have fun, stay safe, and take care.
    Posted 10-03-2021 at 09:32 AM by SissyDiaper<3er SissyDiaper<3er is offline
  8. Old Comment
    perkygirlie's Avatar

    Kink: unfairness/being bullied/bully

    ^^This.^^
    I love being a bully in add threads or coming up with evil/mean tasks for people who post requests for "no limits" dares. I also love to be part of a smaller group dedicated to bullying each other, and everyone else.

    I never really had that experience in school, or at least not a lot. I was always more of an outsider; one of the kids who hid under the bleachers.
    Posted 10-02-2021 at 09:22 AM by perkygirlie perkygirlie is offline
    Updated 10-02-2021 at 09:25 AM by perkygirlie
  9. Old Comment
    SilverBlue's Avatar

    Mental health

    Mental health is very important to your quality of life. It's also so often overlooked, because it's often invisible, and people are told to "harden up". With my anxiety, often people dismiss it and say it's nerves or whatever, but it's like depression - there's a difference between just feeling sad and being depressed. People don't always understand and that makes it harder to get the help you need.
    Posted 10-01-2021 at 08:04 PM by SilverBlue SilverBlue is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Cassandra's Avatar

    Mental health

    Thanks for the all the lovely comments and advice. My brother is on the way of recoery, and so are my family and I mentally.
    Posted 09-27-2021 at 02:36 AM by Cassandra Cassandra is offline
  11. Old Comment
    SilverSwitch's Avatar

    Mental health

    Sorry to hear about your brother. And, I hear you on the realizing that family members are not as well put together as they may seem.

    I hope things do open up soon so that you can start meeting with the groups again.

    Also, thanks for sharing, this and your many other posts.
    Posted 09-26-2021 at 10:51 PM by SilverSwitch SilverSwitch is offline
  12. Old Comment
    Sexyplant's Avatar

    Mental health

    Honestly, it took me years to get my own therapist; in fact, I only got one in March. You know that song "Somebody I Used to Know" where they had that line, "You get used to a certain kind of sadness?" Well, I see depression that way. It's hard for a lot of people, including myself to see a life outside of depression, especially as many of us have faced it and looked it in the eye for decades.

    However, I would say, as hesitant as you may be to 1 on 1 therapy, at this point, if you are getting desperate, give it a try. But, I suggest, doing some research on the therapists if you can, and on the clinic. Like, before I approached the clinic I'm at now, I actually searched by location, then by specialty. For example, there are many different types of therapy (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy are just the tip of the iceberg). Then, if you can, make the call.

    I'd say, I would keep with the coaches in the meantime if you can, especially as they seem to be helping you very well, and hold out for the group therapy, but with a step in place for 1 on 1 just in case. The key is getting yourself the help you need, and it's okay and perfectly valid to use different resources to build up your armor to fight against a monster such as depression is.

    I don't know as much about mental health treatment in your country, but one thing you can try, if finances aren't an issue, is Better Help. Or possibly see if there are some charities that can help you/offer therapy services. You'd be surprised what you can find with an internet search.

    Some other useful tips that have helped me, and may help you. Bullet journaling/journaling. I have noticed that it's hard for me to talk to my doctor or even my therapist about issues, especially as they fall out of my head as soon as I enter their office or even join the virtual meeting. However, having a bullet journal (typed up in my case, though it could be written in yours) has been very helpful. It allows me to track things such as ideation, depressive dives, summaries of the week. Why do I do this? Because it helps my therapist or doctor tailor treatment that is best for me. It also allows me to look back and track my growth.

    You just have to find what works best for you. <3 Please take care of yourself. Fighting depression is never easy, and progress is never a straight line. Practice some self care if you can and remember that you have people who care about you both on and offline. It's hard at times to remember that in our darkest hours.

    And once again, thank you for sharing this. It has always been a pleasure to read your blog entries, and I have always learned something new from them.
    Posted 09-23-2021 at 12:45 PM by Sexyplant Sexyplant is offline
  13. Old Comment
    MarvHarvey's Avatar

    Mental health

    I am sad to hear that you are feeling the pressure.
    Take care of yourself.

    Find some kind of outlet - and 1 on 1 can be very very useful once you get past "hello." It is their daily work to help people take that step.

    It is different in every country, but I know a couple of colleagues who found online (Zoom/Skype) counselor (one was only to direct to other resources) and group sessions in a few days. The group sessions can of course be anywhere when they are online!
    Posted 09-23-2021 at 07:10 AM by MarvHarvey MarvHarvey is offline
  14. Old Comment
    Cassandra's Avatar

    Am I a boy?

    Just some more quote from -you guessed it- scientists:

    The article: Sex redefined: the idea of 2 sexes is overly simplistic on scientificamerican.com

    Quote:
    According to the simple scenario, the presence or absence of a Y chromosome is what counts: with it, you are male, and without it, you are female. But doctors have long known that some people straddle the boundary—their sex chromosomes say one thing, but their gonads (ovaries or testes) or sexual anatomy say another. Parents of children with these kinds of conditions—known as intersex conditions, or differences or disorders of sex development (DSDs)—often face difficult decisions about whether to bring up their child as a boy or a girl. Some researchers now say that as many as 1 person in 100 has some form of DSD.

    When genetics is taken into consideration, the boundary between the sexes becomes even blurrier. ...
    Quote:
    "The main problem with a strong dichotomy is that there are intermediate cases that push the limits and ask us to figure out exactly where the dividing line is between males and females," says Arthur Arnold at the University of California, Los Angeles, who studies biological sex differences. "And that's often a very difficult problem, because sex can be defined a number of ways."
    Quote:
    For many years, scientists believed that female development was the default programme, and that male development was actively switched on by the presence of a particular gene on the Y chromosome. In 1990, researchers made headlines when they uncovered the identity of this gene, which they called SRY. Just by itself, this gene can switch the gonad from ovarian to testicular development. For example, XX individuals who carry a fragment of the Y chromosome that contains SRY develop as males.

    By the turn of the millennium, however, the idea of femaleness being a passive default option had been toppled by the discovery of genes that actively promote ovarian development and suppress the testicular programme—such as one called WNT4. XY individuals with extra copies of this gene can develop atypical genitals and gonads, and a rudimentary uterus and Fallopian tubes. In 2011, researchers showed that if another key ovarian gene, RSPO1, is not working normally, it causes XX people to develop an ovotestis—a gonad with areas of both ovarian and testicular development.
    Quote:
    These discoveries have pointed to a complex process of sex determination, ... "It has been, in a sense, a philosophical change in our way of looking at sex; that it's a balance," ...
    Quote:
    According to some scientists, that balance can shift long after development is over. ... "That was the big shock, the fact that it was going on post-natally," ...
    Quote:
    But beyond this, there could be even more variation. Since the 1990s, researchers have identified more than 25 genes involved in DSDs, and next-generation DNA sequencing in the past few years has uncovered a wide range of variations in these genes that have mild effects on individuals, rather than causing DSDs. "Biologically, it's a spectrum," says Vilain.
    Quote:
    Many people never discover their condition unless they seek help for infertility, or discover it through some other brush with medicine. Last year, for example, surgeons reported that they had been operating on a hernia in a man, when they discovered that he had a womb. The man was 70, and had fathered four children.
    Quote:
    Biologists may have been building a more nuanced view of sex, but society has yet to catch up. True, more than half a century of activism from members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community has softened social attitudes to sexual orientation and gender. Many societies are now comfortable with men and women crossing conventional societal boundaries in their choice of appearance, career and sexual partner. But when it comes to sex, there is still intense social pressure to conform to the binary model.
    Quote:
    So if the law requires that a person is male or female, should that sex be assigned by anatomy, hormones, cells or chromosomes, and what should be done if they clash? "My feeling is that since there is not one biological parameter that takes over every other parameter, at the end of the day, gender identity seems to be the most reasonable parameter," says Vilain. In other words, if you want to know whether someone is male or female, it may be best just to ask.
    Posted 09-22-2021 at 08:03 AM by Cassandra Cassandra is offline
  15. Old Comment
    Cassandra's Avatar

    Am I a boy?

    Thanks for the recognition of gender identification. That's a big one for me.

    I won't discuss perceptions either. But you haven't booked neither facts nor science, reason, and logic for yourself. It looks to me that you didn't keep up with the scientific news. How reasonable is that?

    But maybe I just picked up a minority opinion within the mass of research scientists. In that case, you could help me by posting the most recent scientific articles you have read. That's how truth is debated and agreed on by the standards I know. You can use a search engine to find them, most easy those published in established magazines online. Just try out different keywords like "science there are only 2 genders" and then see what you find. Any news supporting the many articles I find are bullocks?
    Posted 09-22-2021 at 01:50 AM by Cassandra Cassandra is offline
  16. Old Comment
    Dragoste's Avatar

    Am I a boy?

    I am not going to debate perceptions or data taken out of context or I will only say that there are theories and scientific truths just as they can both clarify with the theory of evolution and the scientific truth of that the earth is round (egg-shaped for purists) genes are so important that I don't see as a non-binary that rejects biological gender and be male by chromosome having a baby.

    I respect the declaration of identity and I recognize the rights of everyone to enjoy the short time of existence on this planet in the way they want without harming others, I do not even comment with the intention of convincing anyone but I do appeal to reason and logic.
    Posted 09-21-2021 at 08:27 PM by Dragoste Dragoste is offline
  17. Old Comment
    Cassandra's Avatar

    Am I a boy?

    Thanks, ScarletMaid. I'd like to underline your last sentence. Well said.

    Unfortunately for me, I often read the argument of the biological sex as an excuse for not accepting the individual self-determination of your own gender. And when I look up the biological facts to the best current knowledge, they contradict what those people say.

    I still doubt the meaningful application of the binary sex model down to an individuell level. It might be useful in biology or even other sciences as long as only majorities are concerned.
    Quote:
    For Thierry Hoquet, philosopher of science and professor at the Université Jean-Moulin Lyon, it is clearly impossible to deny “the reality of the ‘two sexes’ as evidenced by the binary nature of the gametes.” However, attempting to shoehorn all humans “into two hermetically sealed boxes (men and women)” is highly reductive at best and takes no account of biological realities.
    from this article as well as
    Quote:
    Until recently, the overarching assumption was that babies are born as girls because they do not possess certain male genes, and that the Y chromosome play a crucial role in sex determination.
    When people refer to science as argument, maybe we should look up what the most recent science research tells us, not necessarily what it did decades ago.
    Posted 09-21-2021 at 04:16 PM by Cassandra Cassandra is offline
    Updated 09-21-2021 at 04:26 PM by Cassandra
  18. Old Comment
    ScarletMaid's Avatar

    Am I a boy?

    The problem is that there are biological gender and psychological gender
    So many people made gender about how it affects you mentally and socially that having people that don't want to be mixed with those stereotypes and behaviours they expect from them.

    Some women want the freedom men have. Some men want the sexual atraction women have.

    It's all about what you want and picking and. Chosing what you want to be

    In other words. Just live and let others fuck as they wish. Or behave as they wish, or identify as they wish. Or be who they want to be
    Posted 09-21-2021 at 03:39 PM by ScarletMaid ScarletMaid is offline
  19. Old Comment
    Cassandra's Avatar

    Ten facts I wish all knew (about gender and sexuality)

    Many thanks for pointing out. I adjusted #6. Hope it fits now.
    Posted 09-21-2021 at 09:45 AM by Cassandra Cassandra is offline
  20. Old Comment
    techie.subbie's Avatar

    Ten facts I wish all knew (about gender and sexuality)

    This is a great blog post.

    Since you asked if you forgot anything important for sexuality, in #6, you say sexuality doesn't change much or quickly, but that isn't the case for abrosexual people, which is basically "genderfluid" but for sexuality.
    Posted 09-21-2021 at 09:38 AM by techie.subbie techie.subbie is offline
  21. Old Comment
    Cassandra's Avatar

    Am I a boy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Dragoste View Comment
    Techie biológical gender is simple, not perfect but simple as day and night and light off and on, not becose we have eclipses or cloud days we are gonna ignore the scientific fact that the earth is round and the sun come by the east making a binary sistem of day AND night, the survival of the species aré Grounded in the female and male chromosomes and although there are mutations in the chromosomes and we are constantly evolving you can't ignore this fact, one thing is what we wish for and another is what life put us ahead
    I am open to discuss everything, and actually eager to. You seem to be in lack of some foundations though. Facts don't change but our knowledge, awareness, and mutual agreement on facts change. I don't know your opinion about creationism and evolution but Darwin was ignored, laughed at, and in worst case despised for his theory of natural evolution for years before it was accepted and became popular opinion. Same for the model of a flat Earth and the Earth as a sphere, circling around the Sun of our star system. My biology teacher still taught me that the Human brain does not create new brain cells during adulthood, and rightly so. Now for years we can know that the brain does produce new brain cells quite regular, and even roughly how much. But even many practicing doctors are not aware of that fact yet.
    So in short, facts may be facts and no argue about them, but our awareness of what is currently known and scientifically proven versus what might not is very likely to differ. By the way, that's common practice until hundreds of experiments and gained knowledge is further applied in practice. No one argues that the laws of classical physics are not sufficient for guiding rockets in space, at least once you have to do it with millions of Euros at stake.

    Your awareness of sex assignment and determination seems highly simplified when I see you comparing it to day and night. I am not sure you know your chromosomes but a significant number of men and women would wake up to the fact that their chromosome sex determination doesn't match their identification. And besides the facts, they might still live a very satisfying live with their current identification. Would you want to be forced to change your official gender if you found out?
    In this blog entry I wrote down my opinion in more detail, if you like to get into details. I merely touched the topic of biological gender and am still doing more research to understand, but here's a Forbes article on that topic in case you dare to challenge your current opinion. You don't need to read it as facts but it might give you an interesting perspective. As you said yourself,
    Quote:
    there are mutations in the chromosomes and we are constantly evolving


    Besides, don't like to spoil your fun, but the fact with the sun, actually, that's just your perception. I suppose you do know how complicated the course of solar objects is in fact, as well as their forms, magnetic fields which give us directions like the East you mentioned. And that they change quite frequently indeed. Don't worry, because most often you get along just fine, but there are scenarios in your life knowing more about the details might give you the necessary edge to survive. Besides, that kind of adaptation is the way we survive and evolve as a species.
    Posted 09-21-2021 at 08:12 AM by Cassandra Cassandra is offline
  22. Old Comment
    Cassandra's Avatar

    Am I a boy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by techie.subbie View Comment
    I've heard of two-spirit and as a "third" gender, but "gamma" is a new one for me. Is that something that you came up with? I wasn't able to find anything with a quick google search. Either way, I think its a cool idea. (Just don't forget about us non-trinaries )
    Oh no, it's really from a sexist fantasy of mine with three genders, not any less inhuman than our current world if not way worse.
    Alphas are the most in numbers, three quarters of all born. They are only second tallest physically strongest on average. They suckle the babies. They have all the rights.
    Betas are only born three out of sixteen. They are the physically tallest and strongest on average.
    And gammas are only one of sixteen born. They are the physically weakest on average. They bear the children, after being impregnated by Beta semen mixing with their own, and later impregnated by an Alpha egg. They have nearly no rights.
    As I said, very sexist. Should have mentioned a BDSM fantasy.
    Posted 09-21-2021 at 07:43 AM by Cassandra Cassandra is offline
  23. Old Comment
    Dragoste's Avatar

    Am I a boy?

    Techie biológical gender is simple, not perfect but simple as day and night and light off and on, not becose we have eclipses or cloud days we are gonna ignore the scientific fact that the earth is round and the sun come by the east making a binary sistem of day AND night, the survival of the species aré Grounded in the female and male chromosomes and although there are mutations in the chromosomes and we are constantly evolving you can't ignore this fact, one thing is what we wish for and another is what life put us ahead

    You think my comment is homophobic when it's scientific, and that way you pigeonhole me into a binary system because I'm either homophobic or not, bad taste? .... i I give you that. But as you said, we all have a biological gender and we cannot deny it from there if they like to call themselves third gender if they like to use to identify with babies or horses or furniture Damn thats why we are here not to judge and accept those differences only always without losing contact with reality.
    Posted 09-21-2021 at 05:11 AM by Dragoste Dragoste is offline
    Updated 09-21-2021 at 05:17 AM by Dragoste
  24. Old Comment
    techie.subbie's Avatar

    Am I a boy?

    I've heard of two-spirit and as a "third" gender, but "gamma" is a new one for me. Is that something that you came up with? I wasn't able to find anything with a quick google search. Either way, I think its a cool idea. (Just don't forget about us non-trinaries )
    Posted 09-20-2021 at 10:27 PM by techie.subbie techie.subbie is offline
  25. Old Comment
    techie.subbie's Avatar

    Am I a boy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Dragoste View Comment
    I think Chromosomes can give you the answer on how to differentiate female from human males
    This is naďve at best, transphobic at worst. Sure, you might be able to look at chromosomes to determine whether someone is "chromosomally male" or "chromosomally female" most of the time, but biology isn't perfect. Even ignoring that some people are born with a missing or an extra sex chromosome, so called "biological sex" is a lot more complicated than just looking at the chromosomes; it's not a simple binary.

    But, even more importantly, biological sex is not the same as gender identity. Many people experience their gender differently than what was assigned to them at birth. This includes trans men and women and those that feel that their gender doesn't fit into those two "neat" categories (non-binary people).
    Posted 09-20-2021 at 10:05 PM by techie.subbie techie.subbie is offline

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