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Ten facts I wish all knew (about gender and sexuality)

Posted 02-06-2018 at 10:46 AM by Cassandra
Updated 09-21-2021 at 09:44 AM by Cassandra

1. There are not just two genders
Naturally, nature works. In fact in detail, everything is quite complicated. But to stay sane, we Human beings need to simplify things. Like tables generally have four legs and a plate. Or most often. Or at least they are made to put stuff on them and sit around them on chairs. Or stand in front of them and do stuff with things on them.
Take a closer look at bees and ants. Or go look up Humon Animal lives. Or Schizophyllum.

2. Genders are complicated
There are men without a penis, women without a vagina and/or breasts, and many more detailed differences between widely spread thinking and the facts. DNA is complicated, hormones are, physionomy is complicated. There is no simple male or female. We generally all have all hormones. Their levels are different, but vary to extreme degrees with partly significant consequenes, and partly not. Even society's image of what is the proper or expected behavior of women and men differs.

3. Your gender is yours, and yours alone
The only person knowing your gender best is yourself. You know how you feel and what you think, and if you are comfortable with the gender you are treated as. Hence, you have every right to determine it yourself. It is the most basic respect to accept everyone's self-determination. Same with your name.
And you can change any of these any time. Just care not to do it too often and confuse your fellow Human beings.
You may also be unsure about your gender.
The same is true about what your gender means. You can be male, and not love Soccer/Football, while others claim every man should or does.
Also, you decide whom you tell which gender you are. It's your private thing.

4. You don't know anyone's gender for sure until you get their answer
You can think. You can guess. You can politely ask which pronouns the other person is comfortable with, or just listen to how they react when you use those fittong your guess.
You may not look or grab into other people's pants without their consent, and even then you don't know.
You only know anyone else's gender after they told you. And they can change it later.
You may mistake anyone's gender or be stuck in old habits, perception, names and pronouns. But accept their choice and adapt as good as you can.

Did I forget anything related to gender?

5. There are all flavors of ice cream
Really, any kind of, including the ones you don't think of and will cringe in disgust. Because some people like it, or even prefer it. If it exists (Internet rule 34). And that's alright. You don't have the right to intolerate or insult anyone's sexuality. You may dislike it, but sexuality is everyone's own.
Your kink is different but your kink is okay. And so is everybody else's.

6. Sexuality isn't a choice
You like what you like. And you may try to control your thoughts, but you don't control when your body or mind gets aroused or not (not even when being raped, and yes, your body can get aroused while you are totally not and even want to avoid it).
Just accept it. It may even change over time, slowly, or in the case of abrosexual people even pretty quickly.

7. Sexuality is no excuse
You still are responsible for all your actions, no matter how horny you are. Stay legal, safe, sane and consensual. Your sexuality is yours, your sex is your choice, but other people's sex is theirs, even if it is with you. And it's everybody's personal choice with whom to share their sexual identity, voice, pictures, videos, clothes, state of arousal, and sexual acts themselves.
Don't be a dick, no matter how horny you are (unless the dicked person agreed to be treated like this).

8. Sue likes (some!) chocolate
Sue loves chocolate. Maybe she likes it sweet, or only bitter and dark. Maybe with rosins are her favorite ones, or one of the few she enjoys. Maybe she prefers chocolate when it rains, but never eats it during Summer. Maybe Sue even pukes from chocolate though she loves it.
Nevertheless, everybody including Sue says that she likes chocolate. It's a simplification.
Just because you are a chocolate, and Sue likes chocolate, it doesn't mean she likes you. And it certainly doesn't mean that she owes you anything. You also don't have any debts or duties to people loving chocolate, and vice versa.
That Sue likes chocolate only makes it more likely that she might like you if you are a chocolate. That's all. She might not like you anytime. Or she might not like you at all though she likes chocolate in general. That doesn't make you a bad chocolate or Sue a lyer.
As a chocolate you don't have to like every chocolate eater and vice versa. Just accept that everyone of us has their own rightful preferences whatever those are.
Everyone is different for good reasons.

9. Enable to disagree
Have you ever seen a couple asking if they agree to kiss every time before making out? They usual don't. But they make sure it's still consensual by giving their partner the opportunity to disagree. Make sure your partner can abandon play any time. You don't want to pour tea in another person's mouth without making sure FIRST that they have enough reasonable, practical option, knowledge, and space to object. If you don't, then you are a rapist.

10. There are plenty of dead virgins and abstinent monks
What you are and what you like doesn't mean you want or get it at all. Don't blame anyone for having a certain sexuality or preference, even if the according acts are illegal. What matters is if they perform illegal acts, and nothing else. Not if they might, could, or you think they were going to, only if they do.
Remember never to punish anyone twice for the same crime. That was injustice.

Did I forget anything important related to sexuality?
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  1. Old Comment
    tigerSissy's Avatar
    "I think, therefore I am" <--- This is the only thing people need to know and understand.

    I am Human/Alive/Inteligent

    I HAVE a body/Arms/Legs/genitals/organs/etc...

    What I have does not define what/who I am
    what/who I "am" will change 100's of times a day, depending on who/what I am interacting with.

    Personally, for the "Gender" concept, I have settled with a somewhat 55F/45M split. Hence me referring to myself as Sophia I used to hate not "being" Sophia most of my life, but once you begin to understand "life" and how much none of this even matters, then the body is no longer an obstacle

    Sorry if I've said too much, I'm currently thinking and planning a blog post on this subject
    Posted 03-12-2020 at 04:06 PM by tigerSissy tigerSissy is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Cassandra's Avatar
    No reason to be sorry. Your comment is a big contribution.

    Now I am looking forward to your blog post.
    Posted 03-12-2020 at 04:13 PM by Cassandra Cassandra is offline
  3. Old Comment
    use-me's Avatar
    There's a youtube video which hits your number 9 pretty much: "Tea and Consent"
    Posted 12-15-2020 at 12:19 PM by use-me use-me is offline
  4. Old Comment
    techie.subbie's Avatar
    This is a great blog post.

    Since you asked if you forgot anything important for sexuality, in #6, you say sexuality doesn't change much or quickly, but that isn't the case for abrosexual people, which is basically "genderfluid" but for sexuality.
    Posted 09-21-2021 at 09:38 AM by techie.subbie techie.subbie is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Cassandra's Avatar
    Many thanks for pointing out. I adjusted #6. Hope it fits now.
    Posted 09-21-2021 at 09:45 AM by Cassandra Cassandra is offline

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