One of the things that Asslvr and I talked about doing most when we were together, was waking up beside each other and being able to cuddle. And after being able to do it, I really do have to say that it is going to be one of the biggest things that I miss. That time in the morning when the sun hasn't fully risen, and you can lay there sleepily in bed, in each others arms, or reaching out and touching each other, all warm and cuddly in the blankets, almost feeling as though you are a part of the bed...

As a lot of you know, I flew across the country recently to meet my amazing Dom, Asslvr. I have had a lot of people wanting to hear some of the details of our trip, so I decided to write a series of (hopefully) short blog posts about different things that happened. If you have any other questions, please free to pm either one of us, and if there are enough, I would happily do a blog answering all of your questions.

Now to the juicy bits:

To say that I was nervous about...

Today, at this moment, it marks exactly 3 months since the day that Asslvr sent me his first message, that absolutely changed my world.

I was sick at the time, I had the flu, but we spent the first few days just talking. It felt like we learned almost everything about each other in those first few days, and almost none of it related to D/s. We talked about our families, relationships, our past, our hobbies, absolutely EVERYTHING!

It is so hard to explain to somebody the...

I have realized recently that I have been very very unhappy in many aspects of my life. In the past month, I have realized that I deserve better.

I have thought a lot about a lot of things, and I have finally made some decisions. Tomorrow I am starting the ball rolling on the biggest of these changes.

I am scared ... I don't like the unknown. I don't like the uncertainty of not knowing where I will be a year, 2 years, 5 years from now.

But at the same time,...

The other day I was overwhelmed with this sense of awe and amazement at this website. It wasn't one particular thing I read, or message I received ... it just kind of came out of the blue, but I realized how at home I felt here at GD and how it really did feel like a community.

It isn't just a website, but it is a group of very like minded people who support one another.

I have been a lurker off and on for over a year now. Every now and then I would come on and take a...

***Sorry in advance for this very off topic blog post. It is just relevant to my life right now, and needed a sounding board for my feelings***

I hate funerals. I mean, nobody likes funerals, but I hate them more than most. In my 25 short years, I have had to attend 15-20 with half of those being people who were extremely close to me.

I am an emotional person. I believe that wearing my heart on my sleeve has hurt me in the past, but as much as I try, and against my better...

I like to be in control of my life, unless I exclusively give that control to another person. I am a planner. I make a meal plan each week, and a list of groceries I will need. I make hotel reservations week or months ahead of time. I like to have a basic schedule or itinerary when going on trips. I like knowing what to expect tomorrow, next week, or 5 years from now.

So for me, when giving up control to another person, one thing that has always been a struggle for me, is the unknown....