Poop.
Anyone that read Sophie's last blog is now aware we have several conversations about poop and have no barriers whatsoever.
This was further proven tonight during a conversation we had when I decided to text her and inform her I was pooping and then when I returned to skype she said that was far too quick, how do I poop so quickly when it takes her 20 minutes.
I told her in those five minutes I had also washed my hands and face and drank my vitamins and she was adamant it wasn't possible to do all of this in the time frame because pooping should take longer.
So she asked me to write her an essay about my poop so she could understand how I am able to go so quickly.
Without further ado:
My Poop.
Sometimes, as is natural if you are a homosapian, I often need to go and empty my bowels. This is more commonly known as going to poop. Or if you are allowed to swear, you're going for a shit.
Now, my bestie seems to think I poop far too quickly and this makes me wonder why...of course when I take a book or kindle with me I do get distracted and end up sitting on the toilet for hours. But when I don't, I am usually done in 3-5 minutes.
She questions how this is possible. Well, I shall tell you. I'm lazy. Very lazy. And I wait until the last possible moment before running to the bathroom and then the poop just plops out in seconds. I don't have to squeeze or convince it to come out it's more than ready by the time I get to the bathroom. And after those few seconds I stand up and wipe myself a few times until I am satisfied I am clean again and then flush and wash my hands. This usually takes about 5 minutes maximum. Then I repeat the process next time I need to go and shit.
The end.
This was further proven tonight during a conversation we had when I decided to text her and inform her I was pooping and then when I returned to skype she said that was far too quick, how do I poop so quickly when it takes her 20 minutes.
I told her in those five minutes I had also washed my hands and face and drank my vitamins and she was adamant it wasn't possible to do all of this in the time frame because pooping should take longer.
So she asked me to write her an essay about my poop so she could understand how I am able to go so quickly.
Without further ado:
My Poop.
Sometimes, as is natural if you are a homosapian, I often need to go and empty my bowels. This is more commonly known as going to poop. Or if you are allowed to swear, you're going for a shit.
Now, my bestie seems to think I poop far too quickly and this makes me wonder why...of course when I take a book or kindle with me I do get distracted and end up sitting on the toilet for hours. But when I don't, I am usually done in 3-5 minutes.
She questions how this is possible. Well, I shall tell you. I'm lazy. Very lazy. And I wait until the last possible moment before running to the bathroom and then the poop just plops out in seconds. I don't have to squeeze or convince it to come out it's more than ready by the time I get to the bathroom. And after those few seconds I stand up and wipe myself a few times until I am satisfied I am clean again and then flush and wash my hands. This usually takes about 5 minutes maximum. Then I repeat the process next time I need to go and shit.
The end.
Total Comments 12
Comments
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She poops far too quickly. Since she wrote a mini essay about her poop, it's only fitting I do the same. So here it is:
I also do get distracted when I go poop if I take my phone with me, but I still poop for like 20 minutes albeit it's slow and steady. Very rarely does my poop plop out when I sit down, usually I have to wait or give it a helping a hand by pushing yano. I usually wait till I'm certain I have nothing left to poop out then I clean myself and get up. That usually takes like 15/20 minutes. I really have no idea how she does it in 5 minutes or less! Then ofc flush the toilet and wash my hands. It takes me another few minutes to wash my hands/dry them cause I have a very specific way to wash them. And then I'm done.
How she does all that in 5 minutes or less is beyond me and no we're not exaggerating the times here, we've actually looked at skype times to see when we leave/come back to time how long we take!
Comment down below on how long it takes youse to poop, lets compare our pooping times HAHAHAHA.Posted 04-17-2016 at 02:26 PM by FrozenWolfGirl 
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Sophia poops like an accountant. She sits and works it out wth a pencil.Posted 04-17-2016 at 02:30 PM by AbusiveMaster
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I do not! I just take my time with it! How long do you take then?Quote:Originally Posted by AbusiveMaster
Sophia poops like an accountant. She sits and works it out wth a pencil.Posted 04-17-2016 at 02:33 PM by FrozenWolfGirl
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Honestly? If I am sitting for 45 seconds before wiping then I am annoyed at how slow it is.
Posted 04-17-2016 at 02:37 PM by AbusiveMaster
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I agree with Sophia, 5 minutes is way way too little time to poop. It's not possible!Posted 04-17-2016 at 03:42 PM by LitDarkness
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Omg. Thank-you. Seriously thank-you for agreeing with me!!Quote:Originally Posted by TheKidWithSkills
I agree with Sophia, 5 minutes is way way too little time to poop. It's not possible!
See I don't know how they do it in 5 or less minutes!Posted 04-17-2016 at 04:27 PM by FrozenWolfGirl
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I don't know either. Maybe they're super heroes.Quote:Originally Posted by Sophia
Omg. Thank-you. Seriously thank-you for agreeing with me!!
See I don't know how they do it in 5 or less minutes!Posted 04-17-2016 at 04:53 PM by LitDarkness
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I want to be a superhero too. Jen make me a superhero too please bae!
Posted 04-17-2016 at 05:01 PM by FrozenWolfGirl
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5 minutes to poop?! That's insane! For me it's usually AT LEAST a 15-20 minute process. And that doesn't include the clean up time afterwards.
(Also, if 5 minute pooping is your super power I think you got ripped off)Posted 04-17-2016 at 07:56 PM by pet monkey
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Eww, poop!
But it should be kept under 5 minutes if possible. No need to make it a big production.Posted 04-18-2016 at 12:18 PM by LittleDory
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They did get ripped off but they seem to be okay with it.Quote:Originally Posted by colosubguy
5 minutes to poop?! That's insane! For me it's usually AT LEAST a 15-20 minute process. And that doesn't include the clean up time afterwards.
(Also, if 5 minute pooping is your super power I think you got ripped off)
See, the monkey agreed with me.
And we're discussing times to poop.....Posted 04-18-2016 at 03:01 PM by LitDarkness
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You poop like an engineer. Efficiency is expected
)Posted 04-26-2016 at 04:11 PM by alesub79
