One Year On...
Exactly one year ago AM gave her her first order. Without asking, of course. And was told she did not have to follow it if she did not want to.
But she did follow it and told him this the day after. He proceeded to give her some more orders that day which she again chose to follow, despite nothing being exclusive or spoken about between them.
Now, if someone were to try and give her an order, unowned or owned, that person would likely get told where to go. So why did she choose to follow the ones he gave?
Because she had wanted him for a while. Years in fact. He later told her he had also wanted her too for much of the same time. But whenever both of us were free we somehow missed each other, or weren't aware the other was available and looking.
We'd never really discussed how we felt when we did talk as we talked sporadically and never for long. Most of when we did talk consisted of him being a jerk to her.
But since she has a type of sarcastic twats she enjoyed this and gave back as good as he gave. (She did, don't listen to him when he says she did not.)
And what she saw of him in chat or on threads, she liked. He was intelligent and funny, the first two traits she looks for in a partner.
So a couple of days passed and we were starting to talk more than we usually did and she was following the orders that he gave her.
But she was unsure of what exactly was happening as it hadn't been spoken about. She doesn't like not knowing what is going on, so naturally she put him on the spot and asked if he wanted casual or more, if he wanted her just now or fully.
She was so nervous asking him this as she already knew that she wanted more than casual from him and she really hoped that he didn't give her the 'wrong' answer.
He didn't give her an answer at all. He didn't even ASK her to be his. He TOLD her, "I don't ask. You are now mine." Sheese, so demanding and rude of him!
(Okay, when he told her that it made her smile so big and feel so happy, but let's not tell him that.)
So...without actually discussing it in detail we'd decided to give serious a go instead of casual. Time passed and we got to know each other better as the days went on. He started to give her more rules, more tasks. She followed as best as she could. She was beginning to trust him fully so quickly that it scared her a little.
She doesn't trust easily. She can count the number of people she fully trusts on one hand and have fingers left over.
But he was always understanding, always willing to listen, always ready to help if she needed it. Even if she didn't ask or said there was no need he would insist.
At the start of our relationship, she was still in early recovery from anorexia. Things she could easily do now with no problem exhausted her then for days. One time, she didn't tell him a task was too much for her until she had no choice to a few days later when she still wasn't recovered.
He was glad she had told him, not so glad she hadn't told him immediately but the thing that stuck out the most to her was...he listened.
She explained the issues and why she had them and he didn't run away. He didn't tell her what to do in regards to food and exercise. He just sat there and listened while she got everything out to him.
When she told him she had been afraid to tell him it was too much for her to handle because we had only just started our relationship and she didn't want him to think that she wasn't worth it, that it was too much of a problem...first he told her not to be so silly.
Then he lectured her on these thoughts. (His lectures seriously suck balls.) And then he made sure she knew he thought she was worth it and that she had to be open with him so he knew what was going on.
She was absolutely floored at his reaction. It was the last thing she had expected from him. She had expected that he would decide they weren't suitable because of her issues. Things were still so very new with us, so she wouldn't have been surprised if he had walked away.
So his actual reaction...well, it moved her so much that she was in tears about it. And it was just another reason that she trusted him just a little bit more after that discussion.
More time passed, things got more serious. She decided she was going to break her limit of camera for him. She has spoken about this before, how he constantly checked in, made sure she wanted to continue, let her know she could turn it off at any time and it was okay. And his behaviour during this first camera call made her even surer she had made the right decision to go on for him.
Soon after, limits came up and his comment of she didn't have them for him. At that time, she still had firm limits but the way he approached her and guided her, how he dealt with her feelings and thoughts, how he always encouraged and guided her...all of that helped her to make the decision of attempting to let those limits go for him.
Without even realziing it she had come to trust him unconditionally. She knew he would never harm her or put her in danger so there was no need for limits with him anymore. She wanted to give him everything she possibly could.
And so one limit after another was slowly experienced together and although some of them were incredibly difficult to do... she has never regretted doing it with him, for him, for us.
One year ago, she couldn't even look in the mirror without crying in anger and frustration at her reflection. And now? Now she has no issue and doesn't think twice about changing in front of him. She's sent pictures to him that not only has he requested but of her own accord. She has sent video recordings without being asked. She's sang live to him (She can't sing at all and is the first to admit this but just the act of being comfortable enough with him not to laugh at her doing so says everything she never could.) She complains if camera are off for too long between them. He has slowly nurtured and guided her, made her believe in herself so much.
When she makes sarcastic comments saying things like, "yes I know I am awesome." and the such...it isn't always sarcastic now. She believes in herself more than she ever has. And he is the one who made that happen.
He has been there through the worst and not once did he even think about walking away from her and she will love him more than he will ever be aware simply for that sole reason.
One year online is like three in real life and she is so beyond grateful to have him in her life. He is her Master, her daddy, her friend, her mentor, her guide, her protector and so much more.
There aren't enough words in the English language to convey to him just what he means to her.
So...to AM:
Will you spend another year with me?
But she did follow it and told him this the day after. He proceeded to give her some more orders that day which she again chose to follow, despite nothing being exclusive or spoken about between them.
Now, if someone were to try and give her an order, unowned or owned, that person would likely get told where to go. So why did she choose to follow the ones he gave?
Because she had wanted him for a while. Years in fact. He later told her he had also wanted her too for much of the same time. But whenever both of us were free we somehow missed each other, or weren't aware the other was available and looking.
We'd never really discussed how we felt when we did talk as we talked sporadically and never for long. Most of when we did talk consisted of him being a jerk to her.
But since she has a type of sarcastic twats she enjoyed this and gave back as good as he gave. (She did, don't listen to him when he says she did not.)
And what she saw of him in chat or on threads, she liked. He was intelligent and funny, the first two traits she looks for in a partner.
So a couple of days passed and we were starting to talk more than we usually did and she was following the orders that he gave her.
But she was unsure of what exactly was happening as it hadn't been spoken about. She doesn't like not knowing what is going on, so naturally she put him on the spot and asked if he wanted casual or more, if he wanted her just now or fully.
She was so nervous asking him this as she already knew that she wanted more than casual from him and she really hoped that he didn't give her the 'wrong' answer.
He didn't give her an answer at all. He didn't even ASK her to be his. He TOLD her, "I don't ask. You are now mine." Sheese, so demanding and rude of him!
(Okay, when he told her that it made her smile so big and feel so happy, but let's not tell him that.)
So...without actually discussing it in detail we'd decided to give serious a go instead of casual. Time passed and we got to know each other better as the days went on. He started to give her more rules, more tasks. She followed as best as she could. She was beginning to trust him fully so quickly that it scared her a little.
She doesn't trust easily. She can count the number of people she fully trusts on one hand and have fingers left over.
But he was always understanding, always willing to listen, always ready to help if she needed it. Even if she didn't ask or said there was no need he would insist.
At the start of our relationship, she was still in early recovery from anorexia. Things she could easily do now with no problem exhausted her then for days. One time, she didn't tell him a task was too much for her until she had no choice to a few days later when she still wasn't recovered.
He was glad she had told him, not so glad she hadn't told him immediately but the thing that stuck out the most to her was...he listened.
She explained the issues and why she had them and he didn't run away. He didn't tell her what to do in regards to food and exercise. He just sat there and listened while she got everything out to him.
When she told him she had been afraid to tell him it was too much for her to handle because we had only just started our relationship and she didn't want him to think that she wasn't worth it, that it was too much of a problem...first he told her not to be so silly.
Then he lectured her on these thoughts. (His lectures seriously suck balls.) And then he made sure she knew he thought she was worth it and that she had to be open with him so he knew what was going on.
She was absolutely floored at his reaction. It was the last thing she had expected from him. She had expected that he would decide they weren't suitable because of her issues. Things were still so very new with us, so she wouldn't have been surprised if he had walked away.
So his actual reaction...well, it moved her so much that she was in tears about it. And it was just another reason that she trusted him just a little bit more after that discussion.
More time passed, things got more serious. She decided she was going to break her limit of camera for him. She has spoken about this before, how he constantly checked in, made sure she wanted to continue, let her know she could turn it off at any time and it was okay. And his behaviour during this first camera call made her even surer she had made the right decision to go on for him.
Soon after, limits came up and his comment of she didn't have them for him. At that time, she still had firm limits but the way he approached her and guided her, how he dealt with her feelings and thoughts, how he always encouraged and guided her...all of that helped her to make the decision of attempting to let those limits go for him.
Without even realziing it she had come to trust him unconditionally. She knew he would never harm her or put her in danger so there was no need for limits with him anymore. She wanted to give him everything she possibly could.
And so one limit after another was slowly experienced together and although some of them were incredibly difficult to do... she has never regretted doing it with him, for him, for us.
One year ago, she couldn't even look in the mirror without crying in anger and frustration at her reflection. And now? Now she has no issue and doesn't think twice about changing in front of him. She's sent pictures to him that not only has he requested but of her own accord. She has sent video recordings without being asked. She's sang live to him (She can't sing at all and is the first to admit this but just the act of being comfortable enough with him not to laugh at her doing so says everything she never could.) She complains if camera are off for too long between them. He has slowly nurtured and guided her, made her believe in herself so much.
When she makes sarcastic comments saying things like, "yes I know I am awesome." and the such...it isn't always sarcastic now. She believes in herself more than she ever has. And he is the one who made that happen.
He has been there through the worst and not once did he even think about walking away from her and she will love him more than he will ever be aware simply for that sole reason.
One year online is like three in real life and she is so beyond grateful to have him in her life. He is her Master, her daddy, her friend, her mentor, her guide, her protector and so much more.
There aren't enough words in the English language to convey to him just what he means to her.
So...to AM:
Will you spend another year with me?
Total Comments 5
Comments
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No. I won't spend another year with you. There is no power on earth that will make me even consider limiting the time I spend with you to anything as small as just another year.Posted 07-16-2016 at 04:16 PM by AbusiveMaster 
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This is so sweet and heart warming. I am so glad that you have been able to overcome so much over the last year with his help. Learning to love and accept yourself is so hard (I am still working on it myself) but it is made so much easier when you have the unconditional support of somebody you trust completely.
Congratulations and good luck in your future together.Posted 07-16-2016 at 11:59 PM by Butterfly
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True True True!!
i did read wit great pleasure
Thanks for the blog
And thanks for the regular updates on the "going on 50". That one is a truely ridiculous, impossible, daredevelish action. I enjoy every episode of it (well, some are more my kink than others
, but still)
I wish you soooo much luck in the next 10 years (guess going for 1 extra year is not really a challenge)Posted 07-17-2016 at 01:34 AM by sir stefan
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You're now offically stuck with me forever.Quote:Originally Posted by AbusiveMaster
No. I won't spend another year with you. There is no power on earth that will make me even consider limiting the time I spend with you to anything as small as just another year.
Thank you!! <3 It does get easier I promise. You'll get there eventually.Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
This is so sweet and heart warming. I am so glad that you have been able to overcome so much over the last year with his help. Learning to love and accept yourself is so hard (I am still working on it myself) but it is made so much easier when you have the unconditional support of somebody you trust completely.
Congratulations and good luck in your future together. If I can, anyone can!
Thank you!Quote:Originally Posted by sir stefan
True True True!!
i did read wit great pleasure
Thanks for the blog
And thanks for the regular updates on the "going on 50". That one is a truely ridiculous, impossible, daredevelish action. I enjoy every episode of it (well, some are more my kink than others, but still)
I wish you soooo much luck in the next 10 years (guess going for 1 extra year is not really a challenge)
Hahaha yeah it feels never ending at times!Posted 07-17-2016 at 04:36 PM by IceMaiden
Updated 07-17-2016 at 04:39 PM by IceMaiden -
Well I mean of course it feels never ending ... you are stuck with AM!Quote:Originally Posted by IceMaiden
Thank you!
Hahaha yeah it feels never ending at times!
Posted 07-17-2016 at 04:38 PM by Butterfly
