Get Out, Part 2.
AM wrote a blog recently, about how you need to get out of certain relationships. Whilst he glosses over some of the reasons I thought I could add to it because of the fact I've lived through it twice.
So:
"If anyone raises a hand to you in anger, get out. They may be allowed to spank you, they may be allowed to discipline you, they are not allowed to punch you.
Get out."
Yes, you might allow them to spank you, to hurt you consensually. But it isn't okay when it becomes normal for them to raise a hand in anger, when you're constantly tip toeing around them in fear of being lashed out at, when they use your d/s as a reason why it is okay, when you're afraid to be left alone with them. I repeat: Get the fuck out.
"If they isolate you, try to turn you against your friends, or your friends against you. If they try to seperate you from family. "
This can include guilt tripping and making you feel badly that you want to spend time with your family and friends or even just have some 'me' time. It can include forbidding you from seeing specific people, or everyone you care about and limiting your time with them or demanding to come with you so they can monitor you. It can include bringing your friends into your disagreements and speaking badly about you to them and trying to influence their opinions on you.
"If they begin emotional blackmail, which can take MANY forms. From "you cant survive without me" to "who else would ever love you?" to "woe is me, why does everyone hate me?" Which is frankly irritating, to "I am going to kill myself" which is really disturbing."
Although all the things AM lists are reasons to RUN I feel this is one of the major ones. This not only lessens your self confidence and esteem but has you, at best, feeling negative, guilty, bad for not caring enough, not being able to help (or even not wanting to) and at worse, can cause anxiety, depression, self blame, feelings of worthlessness...which are all so far from the truth.
You CAN survive without them, you did it before you met them, you can and will do so again. You don't need them at all.
Others WILL and DO love you. Your family, your friends...they loved you before this relationship was in your life and wanted what's best for you. They will support you in ridding yourself of this abuse and they will always love you even during it.
Do NOT pay attention if they get to the woe is me, why does everyone hate me stage. If that is genuinely true, then that person needs to look in the mirror and figure out why he/she is the common denominator in everyone hating/disliking them. It is NOT your fault. All you've ever done is support and love them, it is NOT your fault others have an issue with them. That fault is THEIRS. And something THEY need to rectify, not you.
If they pull out the big guns with "I'm going to kill myself" and the such...then frankly, they need professional help and that is something you are not qualified or required to give.
Everyone in the entire world deals with loss, anger, pain and all those negative emotions. But so few respond this way and this is because to do so isn't normal or healthy. To respond this way to the person you are supposed to love is ABUSE and EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL. An abusive relationship doesn't have to be violent. It can be mental and emotional too and this is one of the ways it can be. If they tell you this, then advise them to get help and cut contact.
Now, that may make me seem like a cold hearted bitch...but if someone were to threaten that to me if I didn't listen, obey, give another chance etc...then I'm sorry but you need help and it isn't my place to do so. Do NOT let yourself be emotionally blackmailed back into their web of deciet!
"If you are being harassed, stalked, intimidated. If all the joy is being sucked out of your life. If you are miserable.
Get out."
"Above all else do NOT engage with them any more. "
I thought I would put those two quotes together as the former can ONLY be solved by the latter.
harassment
Also found in: Dictionary, Thesaurus, Medical, Wikipedia.
harassment
(either harris-meant or huh-rass-meant) n. the act of systematic and/or continued unwanted and annoying actions of one party or a group, including threats and demands. The purposes may vary, including racial prejudice, personal malice, an attempt to force someone to quit a job or grant sexual favors, apply illegal pressure to collect a bill, or merely gain sadistic pleasure from making someone fearful or anxious.
Of course, if it gets to the point of violence, being threatened, stalked or intimidated etc then REPORT THEM to the relevant authorities. They are not allowed to control your life! They only control it if you LET THEM.
Please, to anyone in these situations: STOP letting them. You're worth more than this. Help is available and out there. You CAN break free from this.
All of these points may seem so obvious and easy to avoid, but these people draw you in and slowly break down your self worth until in the end you have nothing to rely on but them. This is what they WANT. And they are not worth doing this to yourself.
Get.The.Fuck.Out.
*If anyone ever needs to talk, you are more than welcome to send me a PM that will remain confidential.
So:
"If anyone raises a hand to you in anger, get out. They may be allowed to spank you, they may be allowed to discipline you, they are not allowed to punch you.
Get out."
Yes, you might allow them to spank you, to hurt you consensually. But it isn't okay when it becomes normal for them to raise a hand in anger, when you're constantly tip toeing around them in fear of being lashed out at, when they use your d/s as a reason why it is okay, when you're afraid to be left alone with them. I repeat: Get the fuck out.
"If they isolate you, try to turn you against your friends, or your friends against you. If they try to seperate you from family. "
This can include guilt tripping and making you feel badly that you want to spend time with your family and friends or even just have some 'me' time. It can include forbidding you from seeing specific people, or everyone you care about and limiting your time with them or demanding to come with you so they can monitor you. It can include bringing your friends into your disagreements and speaking badly about you to them and trying to influence their opinions on you.
"If they begin emotional blackmail, which can take MANY forms. From "you cant survive without me" to "who else would ever love you?" to "woe is me, why does everyone hate me?" Which is frankly irritating, to "I am going to kill myself" which is really disturbing."
Although all the things AM lists are reasons to RUN I feel this is one of the major ones. This not only lessens your self confidence and esteem but has you, at best, feeling negative, guilty, bad for not caring enough, not being able to help (or even not wanting to) and at worse, can cause anxiety, depression, self blame, feelings of worthlessness...which are all so far from the truth.
You CAN survive without them, you did it before you met them, you can and will do so again. You don't need them at all.
Others WILL and DO love you. Your family, your friends...they loved you before this relationship was in your life and wanted what's best for you. They will support you in ridding yourself of this abuse and they will always love you even during it.
Do NOT pay attention if they get to the woe is me, why does everyone hate me stage. If that is genuinely true, then that person needs to look in the mirror and figure out why he/she is the common denominator in everyone hating/disliking them. It is NOT your fault. All you've ever done is support and love them, it is NOT your fault others have an issue with them. That fault is THEIRS. And something THEY need to rectify, not you.
If they pull out the big guns with "I'm going to kill myself" and the such...then frankly, they need professional help and that is something you are not qualified or required to give.
Everyone in the entire world deals with loss, anger, pain and all those negative emotions. But so few respond this way and this is because to do so isn't normal or healthy. To respond this way to the person you are supposed to love is ABUSE and EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL. An abusive relationship doesn't have to be violent. It can be mental and emotional too and this is one of the ways it can be. If they tell you this, then advise them to get help and cut contact.
Now, that may make me seem like a cold hearted bitch...but if someone were to threaten that to me if I didn't listen, obey, give another chance etc...then I'm sorry but you need help and it isn't my place to do so. Do NOT let yourself be emotionally blackmailed back into their web of deciet!
"If you are being harassed, stalked, intimidated. If all the joy is being sucked out of your life. If you are miserable.
Get out."
"Above all else do NOT engage with them any more. "
I thought I would put those two quotes together as the former can ONLY be solved by the latter.
harassment
Also found in: Dictionary, Thesaurus, Medical, Wikipedia.
harassment
(either harris-meant or huh-rass-meant) n. the act of systematic and/or continued unwanted and annoying actions of one party or a group, including threats and demands. The purposes may vary, including racial prejudice, personal malice, an attempt to force someone to quit a job or grant sexual favors, apply illegal pressure to collect a bill, or merely gain sadistic pleasure from making someone fearful or anxious.
Of course, if it gets to the point of violence, being threatened, stalked or intimidated etc then REPORT THEM to the relevant authorities. They are not allowed to control your life! They only control it if you LET THEM.
Please, to anyone in these situations: STOP letting them. You're worth more than this. Help is available and out there. You CAN break free from this.
All of these points may seem so obvious and easy to avoid, but these people draw you in and slowly break down your self worth until in the end you have nothing to rely on but them. This is what they WANT. And they are not worth doing this to yourself.
Get.The.Fuck.Out.
*If anyone ever needs to talk, you are more than welcome to send me a PM that will remain confidential.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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I have been open with the fact that I was emotionally and verbally abused as a child. I have worked for organizations who help woman flee abusive relationships. I have worked with victims of abuse. I never thought I would ever allow this to happen to me again. However 6 years into a relationship with my ex, one year of feeling absolutely miserable, I woke up and realized that I had let it happen. These things seem so obvious but it very difficult to see it when you are a part of it. Even reading this I have realized more ways that he was "abusive" towards me. For me, it was a completely vanilla relationship so he really couldn't say that I had asked for it. It gets so much harder to distinguish when you add a D/s dynamic to the mix.
I kept everything quite and pushed away all feelings of "is this normal?". But I should have listened.
Above all else you need to listen to your heart and your intuition. If something doesn't feel right then say something. Tell somebody you are close to because maybe they can see something you can't. If you aren't happy, even if you don't feel like you are being abused or mistreated, you need to do put yourself first.
No matter what you have been made to feel in the past, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be treated fairly. You deserve to be spoiled and told you are beautiful/handsome. You deserve to be loved. If you don't feel those things then GET OUT!Posted 07-25-2016 at 06:52 PM by Butterfly 
