I wonder what a floating butterfly would look like I've only seen flying ones.

Oooohh, Butterfly! This sounds so fun! Glad you got to have a subby day. And trying out new things. You're way braver than I am. I still haven't worked up to trying any non-ouchy impact play (I'm already pretty sure I wouldn't like the ouchy version).

Wow! Sounds like an amazing day!

I love this post! It took me a really long time in life to put myself first and recognize the things I needed to do for my own happiness, and was even told I was being selfish for it (but that is a whole other story). We only have one life, it should be filled with happiness and joy, sometimes it's hard to get there, but it is so worth it when it happens. As far as hurting other people, that does suck and hurts in itself, but not being happy with something and the emotional impact that will have on you will probably hurt them more, it will definitely hurt you more.

It makes my heart so happy to see people recognizing this at a young age!

P.S. I love your butterfly background

I have always been a happy person, but had never experienced happiness. I believe there is a big difference between the two. I can say now that I have had a true taste of happiness... that feeling when you wake up in the morning and everything just feels right. It took a special someone to show that it was possible. A big part of this is loving yourself, something I've never really been able to do. I'm so proud of you Butterfly, for the hard decisions you have made and the steps you have taken to find happiness for yourself. You've shown me alot the past 7 months and we owe it to each other to do what it takes to both find happiness in our lives.

Very well said!! Thank you for writing this. I think it is so easy for us to put the responsibility for our happiness on someone else, because it means we don't have to be responsible. Sometimes we need to be reminded that it is up to us individually to create our own happiness.

Well written butterfly, it is true that we are master of our own happiness in much the same way we are the perpetrators of our own disappear at times. By truly accepting who we and learning to enjoy being ourselves though is a huge step towards mastering happiness.

I agree with you too JL <3 it is so hard to put our own happiness before that of another, especially for many submissives who live to make others happy. It takes such strength and courage to put yourselves first and to do what is needed to find happiness for yourself.

I agree with Jls (almost used your real name and would have gotten bopped on the head :P) it is so very hard sometimes knowing that your happiness will make someone else very sad. That in turn would make me feel sad again even though something else would make me very happy... it just makes things so very complicated.

Beautiful blog, lady. We've both tried to hammer this message into each other's head, but putting your own happiness above someone else's is hard sometimes. But everything you said here is absolutely right, and I'm so proud of you for making decisions and steps toward happiness. <3

I don't have much to add to your blog and the comments. I think I'll leave the talking to mister porcupine instead:

I actually have to disagree slightly with madl. You CAN make someone else happy, but only fleetingly.
I love everything you said! And agree with it.
I think there's something even more important than happiness: Joy.

Happiness is an outward expression of elation. It tends to be based on circumstance and of shorter duration. Joy is inward peace and all around contentment. Joy tends to have a much longer timeframe.
This is a good article on it! They really said it well with this: The opposite of happiness is unhappiness. The opposite of joy is fear.

It's such a paradox! I want to make other people happy! But you're right, i can't. But maybe if I'm happy some of that can rub off? Maybe? A little?

This is beautifully written and well-expressed. Thank-you!

One corollary of this is that you can never make someone else happy. No matter how much you sacrifice and give of yourself, only they can make themselves happy.

Smiles!

In the past few months that I've come to know you butterfly, I've watched you change and grow in confidence both through your submission to asslvr, through domination of colosubguy but also from understanding more about yourself as a person.

As you grow and learn more and more about yourself you will find you get stronger desires in either direction, we aren't static as people in our needs and desires they do change and evolve over time especially for someone who does have switch tendencies.

I'd say explore both sides further and see where it takes you, just make sure to have a hell of a lot of fun no matter what you do

Such a wonderful look into your mind and what you're going through. Being a switch can be disorienting, and balancing both sides presents plenty of challenges. I hope you can find a happy balance and that you are happy because you deserve it!

You have been so incredibly strong the past 6 months, for everything you have been through, I have been by your side, doing my best to help, comfort and reassure you. I have seen you grow and you make me feel so proud to have been a part of that.

Your growth can't stop, you derserve every bit of happiness, and finding out what you need to accomplish that is very important. I have been there for every up and every down, and I will continue to offer my love and support. I will always be there for you in any way you need.

I also want to mention that you are so much more to this community than just "my sub". You are always the first to give advise, offer warm words or a caring ear. You mean a lot to so many people here and this would be a sadder place without you.

Take your time, and just know, no matter what happens I will always stand by your side♡

Wow. Just...wow. You are a very strong and beautiful butterfly. I cannot believe how much you are working through, and have been working through, and I'm very much in awe of you right now...and I want to send you cookies and hugs and teddy bears and whatever else that will be remotely helpful.

So here's my two cents's worth: I think that the terms "domme", "sub", "switch", etc. are great, but they aren't what determines who we are. Bear with me while I attempt to explain my thought process. Language is inherently descriptive, not determinative; reality comes first, and then we try to talk about it. So I think that if being a domme, or a sub, or a switch, using that language/those categories to help understand who you are and what you want is helpful and good and fulfilling, then go for it. Keep feeling your way through and adjusting as necessary. But I have found that if I attempt to conform to certain concepts I can miss what I ought to be - I follow the template too much and end up adjusting myself rather than vice versa. What that incredibly convoluted paragraph was trying to get at is maybe ditching all of those terms for a time might be helpful, and just exploring your kinkiness regardless of a specific role per se (I really hope this is making sense). I think that unless one of them very clearly stands out above the rest, that there is a chance the answer is all of them or none of them...at least for the time being. Things can change, you can go through periods of being dominant and then other times of being submissive and still others where you're both, and it's all good. So long as at the end of the day you are happy, you are doing what you love, you are with those you love, and most importantly that you are you, then you are in excellent shape. And now I'm going to stop talking because yikes.

To me it sounds like you enjoy and want to pursue/explore the path of domme, however the desire to explore and try out new things without the support of a dominant is scary for you.
Being a dominant sounds new to you - you are more familiar with submissiveness, hence making you feel safe and more at home; making the decision of whether to be dominant or submissive that much harder.

Sadly, there is no right or wrong - but the things you desire puts you firmly on the dominant side.

Which ever path you choose I am sure you will still be the amazing butterfly that I have witnessed so far; I wish you (Asslvr & colosubguy) all the best - you have my support.

(Just my thoughts and opinions - I am not telling how you should feel)

Miss Butterfly, you will always have my support. I am so happy be able to sub for both you and Asslvr. I love you both. You have definitely conquered this monkey. Anything I can do to help I will gladly.

"my monkey man" :melt:

A monkey in a net? I'm picturing that silly monkey avatar alright! I'm very glad that it's working out that well for you!

I've said it before, but I'll say it again because I like you: Have an amazing birthday!