Why I Removed My Limits With AM.
Limits are limits for a reason, right? There's the obvious ones, the ones personal to you, the ones you just find a little too weird or gross. And they're not to be touched or crossed. And yet for over 6 months I've not had any.
I once commented that I would never remove or attempt any of my limits because they were obviously there for a reason and yet since that comment I've tried several of what I used to consider to be my hard limits.
Why? Put simply: I trust Master absolutely.
If I were to expand on the reasons, the first one would be how patient he has been with me and always is when I find something difficult to do. When I first began subbing to him and produced him with what my limits were, cam and pictures were on that list but noted that it may change once trust had been established.
His response wasn't to pester me or to ask or to demand but he just said "If I am waiting forever, then it's forever I will wait."
The first time I turned my camera on I did so when I chose to. I told him I'm thinking about turning my camera on but I don't want to lose any clothes or play and such I'm not ready for that. And he was completely fine with that.
And yet it was that first time I turned my camera on that we did end up playing live despite what I had just said. Why? Because he later asked if I wanted to and made sure I knew it was perfectly okay to say no. It had to be my choice. And throughout the play he continously asked me if I was okay and if I would like to stop or continue.
I was so incredibly nervous and my heart was beating so fast that entire call but I chose to continue everytime. Why? Because his constant reassuarances and check in's made me feel safe. I was fully aware that I could stop this and end the call and he wouldn't be mad.
He didn't manipulate me into it but encouraged me once I began this myself. And that was the first limit that was now technically broken.
After that, we were talking and he made a comment of you don't have limits with me. At the time, I responded with yes I most certainly do! But time went on and we played more and got to know each other better and the one consistent thing was that he ALWAYS asked me for my input. My thoughts. How I reacted to what we'd done. What I felt about it. How I would feel if he were to tell me to do xxx thing. And everytime, he listened to what I had to say. Even if I knew he either wouldn't agree with my answer or he wouldn't like it, I was never unable to say it or too scared to tell him. He accepted everything I said and felt completely. And without me even realizing it I was starting to give him more and more.
Not too long after he gave me a choice of a task or a face picture with a dummy in. At this point pictures were still off the table. But I thought about this and I chose to go with the picture option even though the other task was something I would like. I trusted him enough to do it and I actively wanted to do it because I knew he would like that more. So it was done.
Again, he made the comment about not having limits and I started to think more about it. There were still things I was adamant I would never do for anyone or anything and yet...yet I was already slowly doing things I used to think that about too.
There were some things he wanted me to try that I really didn't like-in fact I hated it. I told him such when he asked my feelings and I remember saying: "I hate it. It makes me feel like I am being severely punished." He took this into consideration and since I told him that he hasn't mentioned that particular act since. Now I have no doubt that if i did something that warranted a particularly major punishment he wouldn't hesitate to use this again. But I'm fairly certain he wouldn't use it just because he can. And that is the difference.
The thing is though if he were to mention it or ask me to do it again...then I would. I wouldn't want to and I wouldn't enjoy it. But I know that despite how much I detest it and how it makes me feel that it isn't and wouldn't damage me beyond repair. There's things that I know he would never ask me to do. The things that would hurt me mentally, physically or emotionally. He could but we both know he wouldn't. That's not his aim here to hurt me.
The aim is to work together as well as we can and I want to give absolutely everything of myself to him that is possible. And that is why I removed my limits with him, why I would do certain things I always said I never would for him.
Because I trust him to keep me safe. I trust his judgement. I trust he has my best interests at heart. I trust him implicitly.
I once commented that I would never remove or attempt any of my limits because they were obviously there for a reason and yet since that comment I've tried several of what I used to consider to be my hard limits.
Why? Put simply: I trust Master absolutely.
If I were to expand on the reasons, the first one would be how patient he has been with me and always is when I find something difficult to do. When I first began subbing to him and produced him with what my limits were, cam and pictures were on that list but noted that it may change once trust had been established.
His response wasn't to pester me or to ask or to demand but he just said "If I am waiting forever, then it's forever I will wait."
The first time I turned my camera on I did so when I chose to. I told him I'm thinking about turning my camera on but I don't want to lose any clothes or play and such I'm not ready for that. And he was completely fine with that.
And yet it was that first time I turned my camera on that we did end up playing live despite what I had just said. Why? Because he later asked if I wanted to and made sure I knew it was perfectly okay to say no. It had to be my choice. And throughout the play he continously asked me if I was okay and if I would like to stop or continue.
I was so incredibly nervous and my heart was beating so fast that entire call but I chose to continue everytime. Why? Because his constant reassuarances and check in's made me feel safe. I was fully aware that I could stop this and end the call and he wouldn't be mad.
He didn't manipulate me into it but encouraged me once I began this myself. And that was the first limit that was now technically broken.
After that, we were talking and he made a comment of you don't have limits with me. At the time, I responded with yes I most certainly do! But time went on and we played more and got to know each other better and the one consistent thing was that he ALWAYS asked me for my input. My thoughts. How I reacted to what we'd done. What I felt about it. How I would feel if he were to tell me to do xxx thing. And everytime, he listened to what I had to say. Even if I knew he either wouldn't agree with my answer or he wouldn't like it, I was never unable to say it or too scared to tell him. He accepted everything I said and felt completely. And without me even realizing it I was starting to give him more and more.
Not too long after he gave me a choice of a task or a face picture with a dummy in. At this point pictures were still off the table. But I thought about this and I chose to go with the picture option even though the other task was something I would like. I trusted him enough to do it and I actively wanted to do it because I knew he would like that more. So it was done.
Again, he made the comment about not having limits and I started to think more about it. There were still things I was adamant I would never do for anyone or anything and yet...yet I was already slowly doing things I used to think that about too.
There were some things he wanted me to try that I really didn't like-in fact I hated it. I told him such when he asked my feelings and I remember saying: "I hate it. It makes me feel like I am being severely punished." He took this into consideration and since I told him that he hasn't mentioned that particular act since. Now I have no doubt that if i did something that warranted a particularly major punishment he wouldn't hesitate to use this again. But I'm fairly certain he wouldn't use it just because he can. And that is the difference.
The thing is though if he were to mention it or ask me to do it again...then I would. I wouldn't want to and I wouldn't enjoy it. But I know that despite how much I detest it and how it makes me feel that it isn't and wouldn't damage me beyond repair. There's things that I know he would never ask me to do. The things that would hurt me mentally, physically or emotionally. He could but we both know he wouldn't. That's not his aim here to hurt me.
The aim is to work together as well as we can and I want to give absolutely everything of myself to him that is possible. And that is why I removed my limits with him, why I would do certain things I always said I never would for him.
Because I trust him to keep me safe. I trust his judgement. I trust he has my best interests at heart. I trust him implicitly.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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Limits are limits for a reason, right? There's the obvious ones, the ones personal to you, the ones you just find a little too weird or gross. And they're not to be touched or crossed. And yet for over 6 months I've not had any.
Limits are there for a reason. Every single one of us has things that they will NOT do. Taking away IceMaiden's limits does not change that. But the reason she will not do these things is not because they are written down somewhere, dictated to me as a no. She will not do them because there is no way on this earth I would ever ask her to.
Limits are essential in casual play, in short term relationships, as a way of setting the boundaries. Clear, concise, simple. Most D/s relationships carry on with the list of limits as they develop, and many of these relationships, over time, push boundaries, explore limits as they go, and find that some change over time.
Even when our games are noplace near IceMaiden's limits, we discuss them first. She makes me aware of the surrounding circumstances, reminds me of things my old age causes me to sometimes forget, we discuss everything. The final decision in each situation is always mine, but why would I want to damage her in any way?
So no, she doesn't have limits. But there ARE limits.Posted 02-13-2016 at 02:50 PM by AbusiveMaster 
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Oh, thank you so much for sharing this, you are wonderful and I love this post. I find the development of your relationship concerning trust and limits fascinating - I just read on Tumblr today that submission is about obedience and trust just as dominance is about protection and trust, and you've articulated that perfectly here. This is one of those glimpses into D/s done supremely well that I hope people pay attention to.Posted 02-13-2016 at 08:38 PM by naughtylittlegirl
