Pluky wonders

[Azyliux]

Originally Posted by pluky

How would you punish your Sub if they touched and came without permission ?

Similar to with herpderp, if this was accidental during permitted edging, it might vary from a stern warning to a stiff punishment depending on the sub and our dynamic.

However, if the touching itself was without permission, then continuing to do so until orgasm would be a very serious and major infraction. I would consider it personally disrespectful to have my rules disobeyed to such an extent, and be very disappointed in my sub and sad about the situation.

At this point I would have some concerns around the dynamic itself and be asking myself (as well as my sub) why my she did this. Does she lack commitment to the dynamic? Does she not respect her own commitments? Is this just a playful game to her without any genuine seriousness? Does she not respect me, or is she testing me in some way? Is this a form of acting-out or bratting in some way (possibly to receive punishment or more attention) and how do I make sure I don't reward this behavior if that is the case? Is my sub not getting her needs met in the dynamic?

Regardless of punishment, I would be very concerned about the dynamic itself if this should occur. And before any punishment I would want to make sure I was confident of why it occurred and if the dynamic was still one I wanted to continue with. While I am fine with some bratty push-back and playful cheekiness, genuine lack of respect is a limit for me, and a situation like this would be approaching it.

Azyliux

[pluky]

Do you ever accidentally break a Sub's limit ?
/
Have you ever had your limit unintentionally broken ?

How do you handle it ? How do you react ? How do you forgive ?

[Andrew 25:17]

Originally Posted by pluky

Do you ever accidentally break a Sub's limit ?
/
Have you ever had your limit unintentionally broken ?

How do you handle it ? How do you react ? How do you forgive ?

I'm usually very careful, especially as long as I don't know a sub well enough so is very unlikely to can break a limit, at worst I ask to do something and the sub tells me, "no that's actually something I don't do", I've been close to reach the limit point of some sub in pain, pain not being a limit itself obviously but pushing almost to the limit of pain tollerance for her, I think I still never went over, but anyway I always ask to decide a safeword so if I'm going too further is always possible to immediatly stop it. I think the way to cope with a broken limit depends a lot on the circumstances how it happens though, with a good communication I think is pretty easy to avoid it, but we're all humans and if by mistake it happens (and is really a mistake) with communication you can as well get over it.

[Merlin]

Originally Posted by pluky

Do you ever accidentally break a Sub's limit ?
/
Have you ever had your limit unintentionally broken ?

How do you handle it ? How do you react ? How do you forgive ?

Broken in the meaning of forcing it knowing it is a limit. I don't think so. I did have a case where it was a limit that was not known to both of us and only came up during play. So you could call it accidentally broken
I was feeling really bad, stopped everything at once and looked after her the moment i saw her reaction to it (knew her for years so her reaction was clearly "something is wrong"). Did stay with her and made sure she is doing ok for quiet some time after, as she had a hard time talking and was crying. And we had a lot of conversations over the next week or two and added it as a new limit

[pluky]

What do you feel (for Subs)/expect a Sub to feel (for Doms) from talking about oneself as third person, using terms such as Sir's toy, this fucktoy, etc istead of I ?

[Ace_E360]

Originally Posted by pluky

What do you feel (for Subs)/expect a Sub to feel (for Doms) from talking about oneself as third person, using terms such as Sir's toy, this fucktoy, etc istead of I ?

There's a few parts for me (from a dom's perspective). The first and largest is simply that it's an expansion of control and establishes an element of a power dynamic that can be fun (hopefully for both parties). It forces the sub to be careful even in their thoughts to avoid slipping up, since "I" is so engrained in how we use language (or English, anyways). It also (hopefully) diminishes the sub's sense of agency and identity by reducing them to a possession no more or less important than a couch, or maybe a particularly fancy vibrator. Sometimes it's also fun to introduce a hidden public dynamic as well if the rules apply with other people around, forcing a sub to replace "I want ___" with "It would be nice if __." Which goes back to a reduction in agency and reinforces that I (or other people in general) are decision makers and the sub should receive those decisions with equanimity. And finally, if I'm being honest, I don't expect a sub to succeed entirely, and I expect that we'll both enjoy the "funishment" that results from their slip-up.

[pluky]

Sir's toy isn't sure what sense of agency could mean, she wouldn't be against some elaboration.

[csuju]

Originally Posted by pluky

Sir's toy isn't sure what sense of agency could mean, she wouldn't be against some elaboration.

It's the feeling of being able to make your own choices, and have those affect the world around you, e.g. deciding what to eat, when to go out.

[Ace_E360]

Originally Posted by pluky

Sir's toy isn't sure what sense of agency could mean, she wouldn't be against some elaboration.

Originally Posted by csuju

It's the feeling of being able to make your own choices, and have those affect the world around you, e.g. deciding what to eat, when to go out.

What csuju said!

In more detail, you may have encountered the idea of a "grammatical agent" which is the entity in a sentence that performs an action, usually on a patient/target/undergoer. (What can I say, technical terminology is awkward.) For example, Master (the agent) spanked the sub (the patient). In the same sense, reducing a sub's sense of agency could be understood to mean forcing or encouraging a mentality where they don't do things, things are done to them. This goes hand in hand with how strict the rules on language use might be. Your dom appears to allow you third person gendered pronouns while avoiding the first person (i.e., sir's toy thinks that *she*...) whereas I typically require the use of 'it' when I impose a similar rule. (To be clear, not a critique, just a different approach.) If everything goes according to plan, the result is that the sub is encouraged to view themselves and their worth in relation to me and the use I choose to make of them.

[pluky]

Sir's doll finds this to be a scary concept (struggling with decision making). She is glad she only has to do this for a week.

Sir's toy was already just noticing that she had a problem with making decisions lately and she mentioned it yesterday in a random rant. She noticed struggling with it before starting to talk like this.

[pluky]

Do some people with a Submissive side here give their own selves rules ? Is it like they are dominating themselves and holding themselves accountable to something because they can't find a Dom ?

[Toumin]

Originally Posted by pluky

Do some people with a Submissive side here give their own selves rules ? Is it like they are dominating themselves and holding themselves accountable to something because they can't find a Dom ?

Do some people with a Submissive side here give their own selves rules ? Is it like they are dominating themselves and holding themselves accountable to something because they can't find a Dom ?


At least Me, Rules have a concept similar to Limit, right? I know that have someone that gives everything to their dom but in reality, those are really rare and I don't think it a good idea either.

and setting some rules for yourself is not a bad thing either. As for me, I've a rule that will follow my master's order and love him with all my heart as long as he loves me back. If he stops adoring me then I still have a reason to live on.

Sorry for my EnGliSh

[dgforyourpleasure]

Originally Posted by pluky

Do you ever accidentally break a Sub's limit ?
/
Have you ever had your limit unintentionally broken ?

How do you handle it ? How do you react ? How do you forgive ?

If you want to hear my thoughts on this from a sub perspective, I am more than happy to PM you, just let me know!

Originally Posted by pluky

What do you feel (for Subs)/expect a Sub to feel (for Doms) from talking about oneself as third person, using terms such as Sir's toy, this fucktoy, etc istead of I ?

I think ace covered it very well what I would want a sub to feel by referring to themselves in 3rd person- expansion of control, establish an element of the power dynamic, it is a rule after all, sense of agency. In addition, anytime I had to use the third person when in a play session, I feel like I have to focus on that so much that I can't really get stuck in my head and thoughts. It forces me to focus on what we are doing and that is another factor that I enjoy especially when I am too in my head about things. And another reason why I would like to use it on a sub at times. I saw that you have to do this for a week. Good luck! It is defiantly not easy to do, but I hope it is a positive experience for you.

Originally Posted by pluky

Do some people with a Submissive side here give their own selves rules ? Is it like they are dominating themselves and holding themselves accountable to something because they can't find a Dom ?

Since I am currently not owned, I thought I would share a bit about my thoughts on this. I think we all have some rules to help us keep accountable and on track. I don't consider it domming myself for setting a time that I should probably try to sleep by for work even though bedtimes are typical for some in bdsm. So there are obviously like distinctions of course. But, I am guessing you are talking about other types bdsm rules like no orgasms and etc. I don't set anything for myself in that matter, but I do have play partners and I do try to hold myself accountable to what I have decided to do with a play partner or rule/task/dare I have been given and also like the purpose behind it. Like let's say I have to do X amount of edges a day but am not denied, than I won't start my day with an orgasm, I will obviously do all my edges first. Tho I never been in the situation (and don't really understand the point of having to do edges daily if you can orgasm at will), but just as example of trying to follow the purpose around things and not cheat the system. Or lets say I was given a task to do, then I am not gonna orgasm without permission while doing the task or during a play session unless it was obviously stated that I could.

[Ace_E360]

Originally Posted by pluky

Sir's doll finds this to be a scary concept (struggling with decision making). She is glad she only has to do this for a week.

Sir's toy was already just noticing that she had a problem with making decisions lately and she mentioned it yesterday in a random rant. She noticed struggling with it before starting to talk like this.

If we're allowed to turn this around and ask you questions, what has your experience of your third-person week been? Are there terms you like calling yourself more or less than others? Have you found your reactions or thoughts different as a result? I like DG's comments around third person keeping her from getting "stuck in her head." Has that been your experience?

[pluky]

Sir's toy still doesn't know what to think about it.