should you have a girlfriend and a mistress?

Link1 · 06-02-2011, 03:05 PM

I recently got turned down from a mistress because I had a girlfriend. She said she thought it was essentially cheating. So I was wondering, how do most people view it? I mean, my girlfriend is more submissive.. so I usually am dominant with her. But I have a submissive side too that my girlfriend just can't satisfy. Does that mean I shouldn't be with her? I don't think so really.. so then, is it ok to have a S&M relationship on the side? And honestly, I doubt I'd want her to know. Is that wrong? opinions please! XD

CollaredBlondie · 06-02-2011, 03:09 PM

I'd call it cheating myself. I have a boyfriend, and that's the main reason why I don't do or give dares on this site. I don't want to do sexual things for another guy, because, if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd be heartbroken if I found out that my boyfriend was doing all this crap with another girl.

Rachie · 06-02-2011, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CollaredBlondie

I'd call it cheating myself. I have a boyfriend, and that's the main reason why I don't do or give dares on this site. I don't want to do sexual things for another guy, because, if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd be heartbroken if I found out that my boyfriend was doing all this crap with another girl.

Have to agree, how would you feel.

(sorry not much to add)

Love Rachie
x x x x

cbtslave4u2 · 06-02-2011, 03:46 PM

I agree... I'm sure you'd want to kill me if your girlfriend was my slave. I'm the jealous type so I'd be pretty pissed if I found out my girlfriend was doing that with some guy (if I had a girlfriend).

Link1 · 06-02-2011, 03:49 PM

hm.. well to me it's like, it's online. Not that the other person isn't real or anything, but I mean, porn is completely acceptable even though it's people fantasizing about other men/women. I don't think I'd ever want to have sex with a mistress or anything like that.. It's just I don't have anywhere else where I can be submissive properly. ._.

Link1 · 06-02-2011, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cbtslave4u2

I agree... I'm sure you'd want to kill me if your girlfriend was my slave. I'm the jealous type so I'd be pretty pissed if I found out my girlfriend was doing that with some guy (if I had a girlfriend).

If I found out you were my girlfriends master I'd wonder why I wasn't good enough for her in that sense, but I don't think I'd interfere. She would never meet you. It just seems like something people need to express.. *shrug*

cbtslave4u2 · 06-02-2011, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Link1

If I found out you were my girlfriends master I'd wonder why I wasn't good enough for her in that sense, but I don't think I'd interfere. She would never meet you. It just seems like something people need to express.. *shrug*

So wouldn't your girl wonder why she wasn't good enough for you if she found out you had a mistress?

Link1 · 06-02-2011, 03:58 PM

Well we've played games before.. and I've told her she's not good at being dominant. I mean I said it in a nice way, but it just never works. ._.

Honestly, I feel like she WOULD be a bit hurt, but I also feel like she would understand. cept.. I don't want her to know about my fetish stuff right now.. >_>

cuddles · 06-02-2011, 04:11 PM

As i told you (and several other people that asked me to own them in the same situation), i won't get involved with someone who has a gf/bf and won't tell them about it. It is cheating, you're doing sexual things with someone else, wether you view them as "real" or not, or wether you meet them or not it's irrelevant. Any relationship has compromises. Either be happy and honest with her, and don't cheat on her, or give her up and find someone dominating. You can't have everything you want, so you have to decide.

Link1 · 06-02-2011, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cuddles

As i told you (and several other people that asked me to own them in the same situation), i won't get involved with someone who has a gf/bf and won't tell them about it. It is cheating, you're doing sexual things with someone else, wether you view them as "real" or not, or wether you meet them or not it's irrelevant. Any relationship has compromises. Either be happy and honest with her, and don't cheat on her, or give her up and find someone dominating. You can't have everything you want, so you have to decide.

Well there a lot of people who are here with girlfriends and boyfriends or husbands and wives. So I'd say they're getting everything THEY want. Not to mention the people who lie and don't bring their partners up at all. Which would be amazingly easy.. but I don't feel like doing that.

I just don't get then how porn is ok. It seems like the exact same thing.

cuddles · 06-02-2011, 04:29 PM

Just because other people doing it, doesn't make it right. Anyone who in in a relationship and then does sexual stuff with other people, wether it's sexual chat, cybersex, webcam, being part of a D/s relationship, whatever. It's cheating. It's really not difficult to understand. If you told your gf that you were doing all these things online without her knowing, and you became sexually attracted to your owner, she's unlikely to be ok with that.

It's not the same things as porn at all, that's just stupid.

Drewsub90 · 06-02-2011, 04:40 PM

you know porn is only acceptable to some, personally i see my partner watching porn the same as if she was on cam with some other guy or cheating. its like others have said, it would make me feel as i am not enough to satisfy her so she looks for an outside source.

And on the GF/domme issue, honestly i think it varies on the bf/gf's relationship. hell some Domme's prefer their sub to have a gf, whereas others disapprove.
and in all honestly i would disapprove, on the simple fact i would refuse to have a sub/dom who i cant be monogamous with, to me sub/domme should be someone your completely open with.

I refuse to have a sub/domme unless we're in a vanilla relationship with each other anyway, because i am a monogamous man and would never have a gf and a sub who are different people.

CollaredBlondie · 06-02-2011, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Link1

I don't want her to know about my fetish stuff right now.. >_>

Then you obviously don't trust her enough. How about you just wait until you want to tell her and work from there?

God, if you were my boyfriend and I found out all this, I'd be a) hurt and b) furious...

Link1 · 06-02-2011, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cuddles

Just because other people doing it, doesn't make it right. Anyone who in in a relationship and then does sexual stuff with other people, wether it's sexual chat, cybersex, webcam, being part of a D/s relationship, whatever. It's cheating. It's really not difficult to understand. If you told your gf that you were doing all these things online without her knowing, and you became sexually attracted to your owner, she's unlikely to be ok with that.

It's not the same things as porn at all, that's just stupid.

..right.. difference of opinion I guess. To me, I feel like if I had an online master or mistress I'd be aiming to please them. I wouldn't have any interest in them pleasing me. I prefer females, but I don't really care what she looks like. I don't really care if i'm sexually attracted to someone. As long as they aren't sending ME naked pictures. but I'm sure you disagree with that. I don't know. I just feel the need to express this side of me without judgement. I kind of thought that was what this site was for in some sense. 0.o

But that doesn't mean I want to give up my girlfriend. I've been with her for over 2 years. She's actually cheated on me way back in the past, but we've gotten past that and we understand each other well. But we're not completely open yet. And idk.. I've tried asking her to be more dominant, but it never works. I guess I don't care if you guys think I'm a bad person or whatever. It doesn't really matter anyway because you don't even really know anything about me. Thanks for your opinions anyway. :O

Link1 · 06-02-2011, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CollaredBlondie

Then you obviously don't trust her enough. How about you just wait until you want to tell her and work from there?

God, if you were my boyfriend and I found out all this, I'd be a) hurt and b) furious...

lol.. well you and I are very different.. =/

06-02-2011, 03:05 PM	#1
Link1 Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: USA, NJ Posts: 172 Blog Entries: 2	should you have a girlfriend and a mistress? I recently got turned down from a mistress because I had a girlfriend. She said she thought it was essentially cheating. So I was wondering, how do most people view it? I mean, my girlfriend is more submissive.. so I usually am dominant with her. But I have a submissive side too that my girlfriend just can't satisfy. Does that mean I shouldn't be with her? I don't think so really.. so then, is it ok to have a S&M relationship on the side? And honestly, I doubt I'd want her to know. Is that wrong? opinions please! XD

06-02-2011, 03:46 PM	#4
cbtslave4u2 getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 456	I agree... I'm sure you'd want to kill me if your girlfriend was my slave. I'm the jealous type so I'd be pretty pissed if I found out my girlfriend was doing that with some guy (if I had a girlfriend). __________________ I am MasterCalan now.. Maybe I will open a new account one day... lol [IMG=http://img.pokemondb.net/artwork/zekrom.jpg]

06-02-2011, 03:49 PM	#5
Link1 Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: USA, NJ Posts: 172 Blog Entries: 2	hm.. well to me it's like, it's online. Not that the other person isn't real or anything, but I mean, porn is completely acceptable even though it's people fantasizing about other men/women. I don't think I'd ever want to have sex with a mistress or anything like that.. It's just I don't have anywhere else where I can be submissive properly. ._.

06-02-2011, 03:58 PM	#8
Link1 Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: USA, NJ Posts: 172 Blog Entries: 2	Well we've played games before.. and I've told her she's not good at being dominant. I mean I said it in a nice way, but it just never works. ._. Honestly, I feel like she WOULD be a bit hurt, but I also feel like she would understand. cept.. I don't want her to know about my fetish stuff right now.. >_>

06-02-2011, 04:11 PM	#9
cuddles Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 27	As i told you (and several other people that asked me to own them in the same situation), i won't get involved with someone who has a gf/bf and won't tell them about it. It is cheating, you're doing sexual things with someone else, wether you view them as "real" or not, or wether you meet them or not it's irrelevant. Any relationship has compromises. Either be happy and honest with her, and don't cheat on her, or give her up and find someone dominating. You can't have everything you want, so you have to decide.

06-02-2011, 04:29 PM	#11
cuddles Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 27	Just because other people doing it, doesn't make it right. Anyone who in in a relationship and then does sexual stuff with other people, wether it's sexual chat, cybersex, webcam, being part of a D/s relationship, whatever. It's cheating. It's really not difficult to understand. If you told your gf that you were doing all these things online without her knowing, and you became sexually attracted to your owner, she's unlikely to be ok with that. It's not the same things as porn at all, that's just stupid.

06-02-2011, 04:40 PM	#12
Drewsub90 Account Banned Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 97	you know porn is only acceptable to some, personally i see my partner watching porn the same as if she was on cam with some other guy or cheating. its like others have said, it would make me feel as i am not enough to satisfy her so she looks for an outside source. And on the GF/domme issue, honestly i think it varies on the bf/gf's relationship. hell some Domme's prefer their sub to have a gf, whereas others disapprove. and in all honestly i would disapprove, on the simple fact i would refuse to have a sub/dom who i cant be monogamous with, to me sub/domme should be someone your completely open with. I refuse to have a sub/domme unless we're in a vanilla relationship with each other anyway, because i am a monogamous man and would never have a gf and a sub who are different people.