Online Aftercare <3

[boundkitty]

Since I experienced a lot of dominant people online struggle with aftercare, either not seeing the importance of it, not knowing what to do because of the distance or simply being overwhelmed with subdrop as a whole - and I did not find a thread related to this yet, I thought I'd make one.

Personally, as a switch leaning to the submissive side who has had a lot of online sessions over the past 4 or 5 years, I learned that aftercare is essential for me. I love the rush of an intense session and I know when to say stop but nevertheless coming out of that sweet, mindless state of mind that comes with true obedience and submission back into the real world can be overwhelming. Being left alone with your phone or PC after enduring a fair amount of pain, frustration and obviously pleasure, too, can be very, very overwhelming.

This is where aftercare comes in - a short "thank you, you did well" is good to hear and comes from good intentions, but usually it's not enough to provide comfort and build trust especially in long-term dynamics.

So, here are my tips on how to deal with your exhausted, shaky sub after you've had fun with them.

1) Verbal reassurance - Ask them how exactly they feel: Tired? Exhausted? Lonely? Nauseous? Sad? Anxious? Worthless? Dirty? Subhuman? Objectified? All those are possible feelings after an intense session and are totally valid. Don't judge or take it personally but try to provide reassurance and put emphasis on the distinction between play and real life. For example if your sub feels shaky and tired, reassure them that they are safe, you will stay with them until they can relax and that they can feel free to fall asleep. If your sub feels disconnected and nauseous, reassure them that you're there, that it's going to pass and that you will stay until they feel better. Words work wonders.

2) Self-Care Orders - Take care of their needs: Hydration is a must, check in for a glass of water, maybe something sugary to snack to reduce light-headedness, ask them if they feel any pain and suggest using lotion on sores, bruises and the likes. Keep track of any bondage or gear involved and check whether they are ready to remove it. If they are still in the submissive mindset, work your dom magic and order them kindly to do it.

3) Physical Comfort - This is hard to provide over distance, you can't hold a sub, massage them or just simply lay next to them via phone...nevertheless there are some things that have helped me in the past and my subs found pleasant as well: Ask them to get comfortable, lay on their back, cuddle into their blanket and help them relax by offering guided relaxation or breathing with them. Try to make them aware of any tension in their body and animate to release it. A warm water bottle and pillows can also provide an alternative to a warm hug, as well as hands on the sides of the neck.

4) Specific Preferences - Ask them what they like to do when they feel sick : Maybe just take a long nap, have some time for themselves, watch a certain tv show, take a shower, take a walk, eat a certain type of snack etc. etc.- Everyone has their own ways to cope with negative feelings, try to animate your sub to take care of themselves.

5) No pressure - Don't pressure your sub. They're gonna recover sooner or later and pressuring will only make it worse. Let them take their time, listen to what they tell you, leave them space if they tell you explicitly to leave them alone. You can always check in a few hours later to make sure everything is fine.

6) Talk about the session - Once the first shock is over, encourage your sub to give you feedback and vice versa, talk about the things you liked, the things that were just ok and the things that might not have been so good in hindsight, share a laugh over a certain moment or have a lighthearted kinky conversation - It'll leave you both with a good feeling and build trust.


Feel free to add your experiences and opinions, much love and many fun and safe experiences online! <3

XO, Kitty

[DeepInnerFreak]

This is a fantastic post. A drink, something sweet, get them to tell you exactly how they are feeling and give them reassurances that they are loved and cared for and that everything is okay. Leaving them be for a bit if they want it or chatting to them about nothing in particular but letting them know you are still there.

A little bit of pre-work also; understanding what they have done before, how it made them feel will also help.

Thanks for posting, more Doms/Tops need to understand this

[Hammarling]

Whilst not strictly aftercare itself, i have found one of the most important things is to properly plan and end your sessions slowly!
No hard cut, no sudden end, build in a task or two or three that are easier and less intense, to bring the sub back down to earth in a controlled manner. Exactly as you wind down/cool down from a gym session.
I cannot overstate how much this can help mitigate sub-drop, and leads you nicely into aftercare and review.