★ I'm curious.

[BettyBoop]

I was wondering if anyone could help me understand, S/M more, I guess.
There are a lot of threads in the Slave/Master Lounge, I'm not sure which ones of those would actually be helpful.
Also, to understand the mindset of a Master/Mistress/Dom, as in to get why they feel the need to be in control of someone else.
Also, there are a lot of names, so do the names indicate a difference in the role?
Also someone in the chat mentioned needing a "First Aid kit" which got me thinking does pain always have to be a factor?
Also what it is that make people decide or know that they are dominant or submissive.
Also what exactly does a non-sexual S/M relationship entail?
I probably have other questions but I can't think of them at the moment.

[Star Girl]

I am too really interested in it all now. Because there's some threads on here that make it seem like it's something I'd definitely not even consider, whereas others get me really intrigued.

[BettyBoop]

Originally Posted by Star Girl

I am too really interested in it all now. Because there's some threads on here that make it seem like it's something I'd definitely not even consider, whereas others get me really intrigued.

Yes some of the aspects of it I've heard about sound terrible, whereas some are interesting. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places.

[greatsayaman]

There are different kinds of slave/master relationships. ^^

Some are rather ruthless where the sadistic dom only wants to inflict as much pain as possible, and the masochistic sub wants to be cut up, pierced, beaten and treated like a worthless doll. It's just what excites them.

Others are more gentle, in a way. There's still pain, whether it's as punishment for not doing something right, or as training. But the pain is milder, like a spanking, or clothespins on your nipples (try it with plastic, hook-like clothespins right on the edge... hurts WORSE than hell. o.o), or other punishments that don't hurt you as much. It's not a factor for you, Betty, but some masters/mistresses restrict how much their slave can cum per day, while others force them to cum x times per day to wear them out.
A lot of it is basically just a long chain of dares you can't say no to, so it could literally be anything from clothespins on your nipples to crossdressing, unless it's against your limits. Of course, these experiences change with real-life relationships, but the principle is the same.

It all just depends on the limits, and the type of person each of the masters/slaves are. That's why so many of them feel dissatisfied in their relationship - they aren't getting the level of abuse/control that they need.

Well, that's what I've observed, in any case. Perhaps I'm wrong?

[Merlin]

M/s is not about pain, it is not about sex, it is not about calling yourself a master, it is not about doing dares and it sure is not about punishments.
It is at first a relationship with every aspect of any other relationship. With all the problems and also wonderful things.
Two (or more) people are together because they feel sympathetic to each other. And because they share the same interests.
The only thing that separates it from any other relationship is that there is an agreement about the slave serving the Master and that he/she has the last word if something needs to be decided. This can start with what to wear and end with if to have kids.
It can but it sure doesn't have to mean that everything will be decided by the master or that he/she wont listen to arguments as long as he/she has enough information to make this decision, but in general it means that he/she has "only" the ultimate last word after listening and thinking about every aspect.

What comes after that, the things you "see", are purely a matter of preferences. And will be very different from one person to another and also from relationship to relationship.

There can be and there are sadistic slaves and masochistic Masters for example...

[LilAngel]

Also, to understand the mindset of a Master/Mistress/Dom, as in to get why they feel the need to be in control of someone else.

Some people, feel the need to dominate, as it gives them a sense of control and power. Same as how other people feel the need to submit, as it prohibits them to make many decisions. Whether the dominant wants to educate the submissive, mould them into something they want, (the common example being a 'pet slave'), or for pure erotic and sadistic reasons, we would know them as a Master, Mistress or a Dominant.

Note this: In the end, the slave controls the Master. It should never be the other way around. Consent.

Also, there are a lot of names, so do the names indicate a difference in the role?

I don't really understand your question. Are you talking about the many different relationships (or roleplay relationships) like Daddy/ child, Professor/ student, Teacher/ student, Master/ slave, Sir/ slave, Master/ bitch, Master/ slut, Master/ pet or more degradative terms like cunt, fucktoy, fuckslut, etc.?

And yes, most likely they do. D/s is just a form of power play and whether or not the queen got abducted by bandits, or whether its the princess and the knight, it will just be the type of scene and types of play within the scene that would differ.

Also someone in the chat mentioned needing a "First Aid kit" which got me thinking does pain always have to be a factor?

Pain doesn't need to be a factor. In fact, I know several people that strongly dislikes pain and might have it in the 'soft' limits section, with extreme pain being in the 'hard limits' section. However, I feel that many submissives need to learn that pain isn't always just 'pain'. They should find for themselves that 'place' where they can channel the pain appropriately and get the pleasure out of it by filtering out the parts they don't like and keeping in the joy of serving the dominant or the happiness the dominant must have from giving out the pain. (unless of course, it is a punishment)

Also what it is that make people decide or know that they are dominant or submissive.

Most people would grow up liking or disliking making decisions for themselves. This is one of the easiest sign early on. Other signs might show up as people grow older and start having sex, and it most likely will become obvious who likes to take charge the most. Dominants also tend to start out as a submissive, gradually becoming aware of everything that happens in a BDSM environment, and eventually becoming a switch with a tendency to be on one side. (So mainly submissive, or mainly dominant) It is quite rare that a switch would be equal on both sides and the few who do would normally swing towards one later on, unless it is obviously, a 24 hour polyamorous relationship in the D/s scene.

Also what exactly does a non-sexual S/M relationship entail?

Most commonly housework or house hold chores or sometimes even, normal BDSM type play. Electric play, water play, breath play, even bondage. Almost everything can be somehow manipulated to become non-sexual but most just loses the... drive without the sexual side of things.

Hope I've helped.

[Star Girl]

That was really interesting, LilAngel.
By the "different names" thing, I think she meant (and if she didn't, I'm quite intrugues) is there any difference between a Master/slave relationship and a Dominant/submissive relationship? Or is it just preferred terms?

[story_freak]

wow, there were many answers.

All I can do is tell you, how it works between me and my slave.
So first: I really love her, and like lilAngel said, in the end is she the one, who controls me, but more to that later.

The base of our relationship are the same interests, mainly in sexual matters.

The thing is, that I let her do things, and out of her reactions, I know if she likes it or not, as she is submissive and I am dominant, I can sometimes not completely understand, why she likes something or not.
Those are things I would never do, but it pleasures her very strong.

We are doing things, what we did not before, so it is exploring something new together and that is just great, if we like it, we do it again, if not, well...

The pain, she likes pain, as it is moderate. The pain simply sensibilizes some parts of her body and the pleasure feels even stronger. So, it is not about pain or hurting her, it is about pleasuring her. And yes, sometimes as a punishment.

Well the names, I call her everything - lol.
No really, most I just call her "my love" but as it gets in some "situations" she likes it to be named as "slut, ..." that was for example something for me, I had to learn, completely against my education, to call a girl/woman like this!
But I get used to it. Of couse only with her.

Yes, the first aid kit, I really think, I'll never need one of that, as there is nothing in our relationship, that is that dangerous, I would hate myself, if I would seriously injure her!

We talked about the thing, why she knows, she is submissive, she just told me, that she ever knew it, becasue it brought her pleasure, to serve others in every way. So why do I know, that I'm dominant. I just don't like to serve in taht way, it's just something I could not do.

Now to the nonsexual relationship:
Well between us two, it was first nearly only about the sexual stuff, but as more I knew and loved her, I had the urge, to become a bigger part of her live, outside of the "bedroom", so we decided, that I control more aspects of her live. That is not really working yet, becasue we discuss at the moment how muhc I will control and what are the things possible.

Now the thing, why she controls me and not the other way:
Well, she has her limits, yes some of them are not limits any more, but if there is something, she really hates, it becomes part of her limits and so she stops me. As I respect her private and social life, which I think iss even more important than our relationsship, she just tells me, if she has time or not.
Well, I think I can't completely explain, why she is in charge, but that is simply the way it is.

Well, that is all I can say at the moment, I hope I could help you at leat a bit.

regards
story_freak

[BettyBoop]

Originally Posted by Star Girl

That was really interesting, LilAngel.
By the "different names" thing, I think she meant (and if she didn't, I'm quite intrugues) is there any difference between a Master/slave relationship and a Dominant/submissive relationship? Or is it just preferred terms?

Yes, this. And how sometimes I've heard S/M called D/S and BDSM. Is it all the same?
Thanks for all the replies, they helped a lot

[BitchBreaker]

Originally Posted by BettyBoop

Yes, this. And how sometimes I've heard S/M called D/S and BDSM. Is it all the same?
Thanks for all the replies, they helped a lot

S/M(slave/master) implies more of a commitment and ownership then D/S (dominit/submissive) but they do mean more or less the same thing and are interchangeable in most cases BDSM is bondage slave master, really just means bondage though

as for your other questions, pain doesn't have to be a factor but it usually is in varying degrees and usage, you don't decide if your a master or slave, it's more like your sexual orientation you just have to figure it out and there isn't anything exactly that a non-sexual one entails, but it's about control, the master gives orders the slave obeys or gets punished, it can be cleans, what to wear, exercises maybe even pet play