What should I do after a break up?

pixie.dust · 04-01-2018, 01:29 PM

After a D/s relationship has failed... What is the best way to recover and get back on the horse?

I have learned some valuable lessons in my recent failure about myself and how to be better in a future relationship. I know that if I am going to get in another, they will need to be closer to me. But I am devistated and a mess, I keep making a fool of myself and writing him. Thinking that maybe I could feel better or something, but it always gets worse.

I blame myself, I could have been a better submissive. I don't know, maybe I am letting my emotions take over and destroy me. I can be pretty emotional in general...

-little alexis

Norguy · 04-01-2018, 01:55 PM

Break ups are always tough.

My way of recovering from break ups or "failures" in general is to look back on what happened, realize that shit happens but you have to move on and continue to be strong.

What I would advice you to do is, relax, do something social, chat with someone (my inbox is always open if someone needs to talk), play some games or do some dares.

Try and enjoy yourself and do some explorations.
Don't get stuck on trying to fix something that is fubar.

I hope this can help you in some way, just don't take what I say for golden. As I am just a stranger on the internet.

KHdominant · 04-01-2018, 02:06 PM

Everyone will have their own ways of dealing with breakups.

Me personally, i usuall take a week or two completely away from kink. Put it completely out of my thoughts and focus on other things i love (i watch a few films, play some games, read a book, cook, etc.). Simply put, do something else unrelated and distracting for a while.

Then i'll come back and think back critically of the relationship. What was good, what was bad. Try and identify the things that i liked and that i didn't. Not thinking, "what if i did this instead?" but more "I liked this conversation" or "I didn't like how we dealt with y".
It's hard to detach from the emotion but that critical thinking and learning is so helpful when i come to the next relationship. That's the most important thing for me, making sure that i learn something new about myself from each relationship i have.
Talk to a friend, go over a few of your thoughts with a third party and get a real objective thought on some areas.
And every relationship i have is better than the last as a result.

In the immediate time after a break-up: Do somethings non-kink related and just take a break for a week or two.
After a little time: Look back at the good and bad things, learn from them.
After a touch more time: Take your new improved person to a new and better relationship.

pixie.dust · 04-01-2018, 08:33 PM

I think the lesson of learning from past failures could be highly benificial. I will probably continue with my kink, but will manage it myself... Kind of... I control what pm dares I use and where I post. Then hold off from being with someone new for a couple of weeks and until I find a good job and am living on my own.

The thing I have learned is that I want someone who could atleast eventually could be an in person relationship. While I am attracted to the soul, it would be easier to take a woman home to see the family.

But I also agree with taking my time as that will allow my wounds to heal. I am surprised as how quick things can change in life. I guess it is what it is and I should move on. Who knows, maybe there is a better fit out there and someone who is at least in the same country or time zone.

Thanks again

-little alexis

pixie.dust · 04-07-2018, 05:41 PM

I just wanted to say... I am feeling better. Thinking that I need to find someone closer to me. For now I am content on playing on my own. But if I meet someone or if I just click... I will entertain the idea but will not actively search. For now

-little alexis

akechi106 · 04-13-2018, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Little.Alexis

I just wanted to say... I am feeling better. Thinking that I need to find someone closer to me. For now I am content on playing on my own. But if I meet someone or if I just click... I will entertain the idea but will not actively search. For now

-little alexis

Very wonderful things are starting to look up for you and i do hope all things work out for you in the end.

Just remember the Sun is always brightest on a clear day.

04-01-2018, 01:29 PM	#1
pixie.dust Precious Gem Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Cleaning something in a pretty little outfit :) Posts: 502 Blog Entries: 5	What should I do after a break up? After a D/s relationship has failed... What is the best way to recover and get back on the horse? I have learned some valuable lessons in my recent failure about myself and how to be better in a future relationship. I know that if I am going to get in another, they will need to be closer to me. But I am devistated and a mess, I keep making a fool of myself and writing him. Thinking that maybe I could feel better or something, but it always gets worse. I blame myself, I could have been a better submissive. I don't know, maybe I am letting my emotions take over and destroy me. I can be pretty emotional in general... -little alexis __________________ Trans Woman (she/her) \|\| Pansexual \|\| Submissive *Likes* \|\| *Limits!* Currently owned by Daddy Komodo Jones

04-01-2018, 01:55 PM	#2
Norguy Member Join Date: May 2017 Posts: 73 Blog Entries: 7	Break ups are always tough. My way of recovering from break ups or "failures" in general is to look back on what happened, realize that shit happens but you have to move on and continue to be strong. What I would advice you to do is, relax, do something social, chat with someone (my inbox is always open if someone needs to talk), play some games or do some dares. Try and enjoy yourself and do some explorations. Don't get stuck on trying to fix something that is fubar. I hope this can help you in some way, just don't take what I say for golden. As I am just a stranger on the internet. __________________ 25 m straight My toys! Likes, Dislikes and Limits

04-01-2018, 02:06 PM	#3
KHdominant Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: London Posts: 243 Blog Entries: 21	Everyone will have their own ways of dealing with breakups. Me personally, i usuall take a week or two completely away from kink. Put it completely out of my thoughts and focus on other things i love (i watch a few films, play some games, read a book, cook, etc.). Simply put, do something else unrelated and distracting for a while. Then i'll come back and think back critically of the relationship. What was good, what was bad. Try and identify the things that i liked and that i didn't. Not thinking, "what if i did this instead?" but more "I liked this conversation" or "I didn't like how we dealt with y". It's hard to detach from the emotion but that critical thinking and learning is so helpful when i come to the next relationship. That's the most important thing for me, making sure that i learn something new about myself from each relationship i have. Talk to a friend, go over a few of your thoughts with a third party and get a real objective thought on some areas. And every relationship i have is better than the last as a result. In the immediate time after a break-up: Do somethings non-kink related and just take a break for a week or two. After a little time: Look back at the good and bad things, learn from them. After a touch more time: Take your new improved person to a new and better relationship. __________________ Male - Dom The Cat Girl (Story) My Ad Seeking A Submissive (still looking) My Bloggy Blog of Blogness Kik/discord available on request and if i like you. Tell me what song you're currently listening to, or what film you checked out lately! Limits: Permanent, Blood, Scat, Extremes, Illegal, Pics/Vids (unless i ok it) Likes: Pet Play, Humiliation, Public, Light Anal, Self-Bondage/Bondage, Degradation, Games

04-01-2018, 08:33 PM	#4
pixie.dust Precious Gem Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Cleaning something in a pretty little outfit :) Posts: 502 Blog Entries: 5	I think the lesson of learning from past failures could be highly benificial. I will probably continue with my kink, but will manage it myself... Kind of... I control what pm dares I use and where I post. Then hold off from being with someone new for a couple of weeks and until I find a good job and am living on my own. The thing I have learned is that I want someone who could atleast eventually could be an in person relationship. While I am attracted to the soul, it would be easier to take a woman home to see the family. But I also agree with taking my time as that will allow my wounds to heal. I am surprised as how quick things can change in life. I guess it is what it is and I should move on. Who knows, maybe there is a better fit out there and someone who is at least in the same country or time zone. Thanks again -little alexis __________________ Trans Woman (she/her) \|\| Pansexual \|\| Submissive *Likes* \|\| *Limits!* Currently owned by Daddy Komodo Jones

04-07-2018, 05:41 PM	#5
pixie.dust Precious Gem Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Cleaning something in a pretty little outfit :) Posts: 502 Blog Entries: 5	I just wanted to say... I am feeling better. Thinking that I need to find someone closer to me. For now I am content on playing on my own. But if I meet someone or if I just click... I will entertain the idea but will not actively search. For now -little alexis __________________ Trans Woman (she/her) \|\| Pansexual \|\| Submissive *Likes* \|\| *Limits!* Currently owned by Daddy Komodo Jones