Relationship trouble (or lack there of)

[Trick]

How on earth does anybody here find a boyfriend/girlfriend who is into what they are? Getdare?

I see loads of posts like.. My boyfriend put me in a chastity cage.. My girlfriend told me to post this.

Or even just a group of friends who do truth or dare together and don't get freaked when dared to take off their pants.

Like seriously.

[Austinreis]

Pretty difficult I'd say which is why websites like this exist.

Then again you could find someone here... You never know

[Sasahara]

Not to disparage any individual person, but I get the feeling there are some users on here who live out their fantasy life rather than their real one in the things they post...

As long as everyone is having fun, and people aren't claiming to actually do things they're not doing, there's no harm in that.

With all that said, I'm sure there are people on here who do have BDSM relationships with their bf/gf. I'm just not sure it's as large a proportion as you might think if you took everything on the site at face value

[An_Jon]

I got lucky.

Kat and I have known each other since primary school. Throughout that time, and throughout secondary school, we were OK acquaintances, but never close.

By chance, we went to the same University.

Again, we never really spoke, and if anything drifted apart (if you could even say that we were together). We did different courses, had different friends, different interests etc. She was basically just someone I had known for a while and that was it.

There was a Uni event about midway through out 3rd year. We both attended separately, and ended up being put together for about 3 hours. We used the time to talk, catch up, see how things were going.

It went well - turns out that we had a lot in common that we never even knew about. We laughed a lot in those three hours, and had some good times remembering funny stuff from our years at school. We were coming to the 'crunch' time at Uni, so it was good to think about a time with less pressure.

Then, just like that, she asked me:

"Do you want to come for some drinks with me and my friends tonight? Bring a couple of pals with you if you want" (May be paraphrased). I said sure, asked around, and three of us were going to meet her and 5 of her biddies in town later. Should be fun.

The night went well. Our two groups meshed, and we had a pleasant evening. Usual 3rd year stuff - went to a pub, a few bars, called it a night early on because we needed to study. I walked home with Kat, and by chance we were alone for 10 mins. We joked some more. I said:

"Sometimes I wish someone would tie me to my bed so I wouldn't have to get up and study" (Not paraphrased). I thought it was innocent, until she (drunkenly) said

"I'd love to do that.... Be tied to the bed I mean.... To... uhhh... not study". (again, not word for word, but you get the general 'feel'.)

I looked at her an said "Suuuuuuuure, to study" in as sarcastic a voice as I could muster.

To cut a long story short, we both realised we shared kinks there and then, and the 10 minute walk turned into wandering around for over an hour chatting about it.

We continued to talk throughout 3rd year, and after exams we decided that we would meet up and... well... act on them. It went amazingly.

It's over 2 years since that event, and 18 months since we had sex for the first time. All from a chance meeting, and talking to someone. We've bought a house, and are moving in together in a couple of weeks.

I'm not a naturally social person, neither is she. We got lucky, but we only got lucky because we spoke to one another. Communication is the key, and putting yourself in position to communicate is even more key. I'm not saying go out and meet someone, but be open. How on earth will you even know what someone is in to unless you say it?

Oh, and maybe get unbelievably lucky too. That helps.

Slightly-tipsy ramble over. But Kat read this too, and she likes, so win for me.


Just to add - Kat isn't on GD, but sometimes lurks on my account. She especially likes reading the Dares and Punishments sections for ideas on me (Jon).

[Use_Me]

I've been struggling with this for years too. I can never seem to find anyone whose even remotely close to me on this site or others. Playing online is fun and all but I desperatly want someone to play with face to face.

And everytime I do try to bring up this sort of thing with people I'm dating they are either completely turned off or just plan ignore what I want.

So any of you in Canada please don't hesitate to say hi.

[minimarshmellow]

Even vanilla relationships take time. It is a lot of being in the right place at the right time.

I met my Dom (now boyfriend) many many years ago, but nothing every happened. Then January of 2015 he comforted me when I was depressed. During that we realized how much we really do have in common. Since then things have been amazing. We were both just in the right place at the right time.

[CalmInControl]

Originally Posted by Trick

How on earth does anybody here find a boyfriend/girlfriend who is into what they are? Getdare?

As someone else has said there are probably plenty of relationships mentioned on here that are fabricated and/or fictional.

Aside from that there are plenty of personals websites that cater to particular fetishes making it far easier to find someone who sates your kinky needs. Otherwise there's dating websites that can subtly allow you to filter for the things you're looking for.

Just be careful as there's plenty of people preying on young girls on said personals websites. However, there's a lot of ability to make good long-lasting relationships on them too.

And lastly, I suppose all of this is predicated on your ability to be upfront and honest about what you're looking for. If you're ashamed of what you're looking for and unable to openly communicate that to someone - it's going to make it a lot harder.

[Faerol]

Originally Posted by Use_Me

So any of you in Canada please don't hesitate to say hi.

...Too tempting...

Hi! ... though I'm in the wrong part of Canada for anything close... but couldn't resist the invitation.

Though in the vein of the original post.. as someone who tends to lurk on sites more then interact and is a complete hermit irl. I can completely understand your plea that it's sometimes just impossibly frustrating to think that the chance for something with another person who shares your interests or kinks is always slipping past you.

Though I really like An_Jon's comment about communication is key.. it really is... which is one thing I recognize is why I'm in the boat I'm in... I don't reach out or interact and therefore never get beyond the "wishing it could" stage.

[Dimetemps]

I wish you luck..

I did have one encounter through craigslist with a married woman that wasn't getting any attention from her husband.

Unfortunately, she was around 350lbs and smelled like rotten ass. There was a reason her husband didn't pay her attention. I felt sorry for her getting so little attention, knew what she was going through because I've been there myself. I started a FWB relationship with her and did her anyway, despite her huge physical flaws, for several dates. Then she got real needy, left her husband, and wanted me to take her in which wasn't ever going to happen.

We're still friends but I haven't been anywhere physically around her for a year or so. She might be disease free and unable to get preggy but she's was still too gross for my personal taste. Had to drop my standards a lot to make her fantasies happen. (Oh, forgot to mention that she had a daddy/daughter fetish.. Would have been fucking cool with me if she wasn't such a huge and smelly woman.)

Needless to say, I wouldn't recommend meeting a woman on craigslist. Those women that are on there either aren't up to what you'll find attractive or they're looking for someone to pay the bills for them. There's a reason they had to resort to craigslist.