On a sad note

Xrider · 04-27-2010, 05:32 PM

Two friends of mine each recently lost one of their parents.

How would you deal with something similar ?

What if it was one of your parents ?

sweetsong · 04-27-2010, 05:43 PM

I don't think I would deal very well. I'd be a mess.

It has happened to friends of mine. I just tried to be there for them by comforting them if they needed comforting or giving fun distractions. Taking them places, etc. Listening when they need to talk about it.

cliffordb · 04-27-2010, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xrider

Two friends of mine each recently lost one of their parents.

How would you deal with something similar ?

What if it was one of your parents ?

The only thing that made things easy on me when my mom passed away as that we were not extremely close. I have learned you have to be patient with the person(s) who is/are grieving. Be availalble and let them know you care, but do not smother them.

curious-young-girl · 04-27-2010, 08:59 PM

i night my dad a few years ago. it sucked and i could not handle it. the way i did at first was totally not healthy, but i got some help and started to write about it.

losing a parent is not something you get over, you just learn to live with it. and i honestly do not believe it gets easier as the years go by.

muffinfairy · 04-28-2010, 08:28 AM

i have, it cant be changed, just think of the good times + not how it happened

SubMissChievous · 04-28-2010, 08:36 AM

My father died 3 years ago. I knew already a couple of months it was gonna happen (terminal cancer) so I had at least a bit of time to "prepare" myself to it. It's still hard to lose a parent but in my case I guess knowing it was probably a bit easier than if it would have been sudden and unexpected...

I agree with Clifford. Just let your friend know you're available and that they can ask for help or just to talk when/if they need to without overdoing it. Some people who are mourning a lost one will need a bit of time and want to be alone while some others will need more presence and can even fear to be alone. No one reacts the same so just let know that you are there for them

honeyness · 04-28-2010, 09:00 AM

I lost my mum when i was still a baby so i don't remember it at all. It was always tough growing up just with my dad but he loves me for both of them and i don't think I would have coped well if it was recently rather than a long time ago.

My best friend's nanna is on the verge of dying, and although its not a parent she is extremeley close to her. She talks to me alot. Only advice I can give is don't pretend to know all the answers. It can be good to give your friends hope but "She will be perfectly fine" Is false hope, and can cause alot more harm then good in the long run. Pick certain qualities that you have learnt about their relatives, Like "She is stubborn, she will keep fighting as long as possible" and just balance out all their thoughts.

The only thing you can truly do as an outsider is be there to listen, take time out and ask them how they are, take the time to sit with them and hug them. if they ring you at 1am for a chat pick up the phone, even if your tired and want to go to bed. One day you will be the one ringing at 1am. Most people just want someone there, even if its in silence.

Slenderman - Doctor · 04-28-2010, 01:59 PM

I lost my dad to cancer just under 5 years ago.

You never get over it, but you have to move on.

Xrider · 04-29-2010, 03:01 PM

Thank you for your replies. I see we each have our dark side.

I lost my best friend in the tsunami that hit Thailand in december 2004. She was there in holiday with her familly. I believe that this has hardened me as it seemed to be the only way I had to face the situation. Now I'm afraid sometimes that I became too cold and hard. Not emotionless but accepting things the way they are. However I don't believe that this is what people need to hear in such moment. But indeed as you suggested I am available and ready to listen and talk with them.

As some of you have said, you don't get over it, you learn to live with it.

Teeks · 04-30-2010, 10:40 AM

I wouldn't deal with it.

I'd be in a "zombie" frame of mind.

I think I'd ditch school, stay in bed all day. Drink, smoke weed. Even do a lot worse.

If it were my mom it would be worse. Because, I love both my parents, equally, but I'm a lot closer to my mom.

It would be a disaster.

But even worse would be if my little sis died. I would never ever be the same again.

sydneyyy93 · 04-30-2010, 01:14 PM

Well if it was me who lost a parent i would play the best of it like stor memories and write them down somewhere and be remembered by them.

Captain Harkness · 05-04-2010, 02:19 PM

My grandfather past away recently although upsetting i can't let it show because i need to be there for those around me.

Kat · 05-04-2010, 04:58 PM

I lost my mom when I was younger, and I am still not over it. There isn't one way to get over such a loss, different people cope with a death in different ways. I for one probably didn't use the best methods to cope with it, and went through some pretty hard times. It helps to have at least one person that you can count on to be there for you when you need to vent or talk to someone.

I hate talking about this, so I'm going to leave it now.

Arsite · 05-06-2010, 09:31 AM

First of all, I'd like to offer my condolences over his grief.

Well, I don't know about myself. I'd probably go down with depression or something like that. But if it was my friend, I'd probably stay by his/her side everyday till she feels better. That's probably the best I could do.

04-27-2010, 05:32 PM	#1
Xrider Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 155	On a sad note Two friends of mine each recently lost one of their parents. How would you deal with something similar ? What if it was one of your parents ?

04-27-2010, 05:43 PM	#2
sweetsong getDare Succubus Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: ♥ In your dreams ♥ Posts: 1,733 Blog Entries: 98	I don't think I would deal very well. I'd be a mess. It has happened to friends of mine. I just tried to be there for them by comforting them if they needed comforting or giving fun distractions. Taking them places, etc. Listening when they need to talk about it. __________________ . siggy made by stellz [03:54:06 PM] jamness: ‹@G.J.› She... kisses and stuff... shes weird. [03:54:39 PM] G.J.: ‹@jamness› That seems like normal Sweets to me XD

04-27-2010, 08:59 PM	#4
curious-young-girl getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: hicktown. Posts: 275	i night my dad a few years ago. it sucked and i could not handle it. the way i did at first was totally not healthy, but i got some help and started to write about it. losing a parent is not something you get over, you just learn to live with it. and i honestly do not believe it gets easier as the years go by. __________________

04-28-2010, 08:28 AM	#5
muffinfairy getDare Devil Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 1,043 Blog Entries: 105	i have, it cant be changed, just think of the good times + not how it happened __________________ Territory Signature=Open Masturbation 101: [22:35:44] BettyBoop: It is really hard to get off. [22:36:19] BettyBoop: I find that using a small piece of sellotape is the best way http://ask.fm/muffinfairy Snap: penis4fuffin {if you wish to snap penis or similar} Snap: muffinfairy {add your username if spamming me} KIK: muffinfairy {all rarely checked} Territory Signature=Close

04-28-2010, 09:00 AM	#7
honeyness getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: UK Posts: 377	I lost my mum when i was still a baby so i don't remember it at all. It was always tough growing up just with my dad but he loves me for both of them and i don't think I would have coped well if it was recently rather than a long time ago. My best friend's nanna is on the verge of dying, and although its not a parent she is extremeley close to her. She talks to me alot. Only advice I can give is don't pretend to know all the answers. It can be good to give your friends hope but "She will be perfectly fine" Is false hope, and can cause alot more harm then good in the long run. Pick certain qualities that you have learnt about their relatives, Like "She is stubborn, she will keep fighting as long as possible" and just balance out all their thoughts. The only thing you can truly do as an outsider is be there to listen, take time out and ask them how they are, take the time to sit with them and hug them. if they ring you at 1am for a chat pick up the phone, even if your tired and want to go to bed. One day you will be the one ringing at 1am. Most people just want someone there, even if its in silence. __________________ 19/Female/UK I will not cam/dare/sub/dom you so don't ask! But if you want a friendly chat or help on anything at all then drop me a PM s/M advice Threads of note Ask me Anything Honey is naturally occuring like other awesome shit like Tornados and Girls with spongy hymens

04-28-2010, 08:36 AM	#6
SubMissChievous Prodigy Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 4,466	My father died 3 years ago. I knew already a couple of months it was gonna happen (terminal cancer) so I had at least a bit of time to "prepare" myself to it. It's still hard to lose a parent but in my case I guess knowing it was probably a bit easier than if it would have been sudden and unexpected... I agree with Clifford. Just let your friend know you're available and that they can ask for help or just to talk when/if they need to without overdoing it. Some people who are mourning a lost one will need a bit of time and want to be alone while some others will need more presence and can even fear to be alone. No one reacts the same so just let know that you are there for them

04-28-2010, 01:59 PM	#8
Slenderman - Doctor Truth or Dare Zealot Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 6,760	I lost my dad to cancer just under 5 years ago. You never get over it, but you have to move on.

04-29-2010, 03:01 PM	#9
Xrider Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 155	Thank you for your replies. I see we each have our dark side. I lost my best friend in the tsunami that hit Thailand in december 2004. She was there in holiday with her familly. I believe that this has hardened me as it seemed to be the only way I had to face the situation. Now I'm afraid sometimes that I became too cold and hard. Not emotionless but accepting things the way they are. However I don't believe that this is what people need to hear in such moment. But indeed as you suggested I am available and ready to listen and talk with them. As some of you have said, you don't get over it, you learn to live with it.

04-30-2010, 10:40 AM	#10
Teeks Distinguished Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: France Posts: 756	I wouldn't deal with it. I'd be in a "zombie" frame of mind. I think I'd ditch school, stay in bed all day. Drink, smoke weed. Even do a lot worse. If it were my mom it would be worse. Because, I love both my parents, equally, but I'm a lot closer to my mom. It would be a disaster. But even worse would be if my little sis died. I would never ever be the same again. __________________ Anything you've ever wondered about Teeks? Ask there please 29 y.o \| Female \| Straight \| France (GMT+1)

04-30-2010, 01:14 PM	#11
sydneyyy93 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: United States Of America Posts: 244 Blog Entries: 1	Well if it was me who lost a parent i would play the best of it like stor memories and write them down somewhere and be remembered by them.

05-04-2010, 02:19 PM	#12
Captain Harkness getDare Devil Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Area 51 Posts: 1,160	My grandfather past away recently although upsetting i can't let it show because i need to be there for those around me. __________________ Torchwood, Doctor Who, Sport, Pokemon, Xbox.I'm a geek yeah...

05-04-2010, 04:58 PM	#13
Kat Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 118	I lost my mom when I was younger, and I am still not over it. There isn't one way to get over such a loss, different people cope with a death in different ways. I for one probably didn't use the best methods to cope with it, and went through some pretty hard times. It helps to have at least one person that you can count on to be there for you when you need to vent or talk to someone. I hate talking about this, so I'm going to leave it now.

05-06-2010, 09:31 AM	#14
Arsite Account Banned Join Date: May 2010 Location: Somewhere out there. You know it! Posts: 67 Blog Entries: 6	First of all, I'd like to offer my condolences over his grief. Well, I don't know about myself. I'd probably go down with depression or something like that. But if it was my friend, I'd probably stay by his/her side everyday till she feels better. That's probably the best I could do. __________________ ☆　Ariste ♀ 19 ♀ Female ♀ Lesbian　☆ Likes ♂ Dislikes ♂ Limits Nothing sexual, painful or gross. That's about it I think. ★　STRICTLY FOR MISTRESSES ONLY!　★ ★　MY PUZZLE DARE GAME!　★ ★　FOR GUYS AND GIRLS AND EVERYONE!　★ Tell me what you want me to do! Don't ever ask me for pictures or cams.