The corrupted wish game.

[Runesmith]

Granted. But I happen to be your masseur, and the 36 cm **** sends you in to a state of catatonic shock from which you never recover.

I wish my masseuse wouldn't be a shemale.

[SeaFlower]

Granted, but she would be a 130 kg mistress with a 36cm strap-on

I wish I was a virgin

[Runesmith]

Granted. You are a virgin once again. Next day, my new blog entry is titled, "SeaFlower deflowered."

I wish the German bureaucracy was less complicated.

[SeaFlower]

Granted, but you woud be a blind Mexican living in Sahara desert

I wish person above would write a non-fiction blog instead of an absurd story

[Runesmith]

Granted. Instead of fiction, now my new blog, "SeaFlower deflowered" would be a true story.

I wish I could get over my writers block and finish the story I am currently writing.

[SeaFlower]

Granted, but your story would end up only one sentence describing something extremely uninteresting about yourself

I wish people knew what would happen to them if they try to deflower me

[Runesmith]

Granted. Everyone now knows what would happen to them if they try to deflower you. That scares away everyone, and you remain a virgin until a brave hero willing to risk it all (I'm talking about me, if you aren't getting the drift) comes along and saves you from being a 28 year old virgin.

I wish it wouldn't rain today.

[JustSomeSub]

It snows instead

I wish I had next week off from work.

[Runesmith]

Granted. You get your pink slip in the mail. So you get next week off from work, and the week after next, the one after that... and so on. Enjoy your very long unpaid vacation.

I wish I had a machine that I could use to control weather.

[SeaFlower]

Granted, but it could only control weather on Earth whereas you'd be a blind Eskimo living in Mars

I wish I could find my sunglasses
(I mean really wtf...)

[Runesmith]

Granted. You find your sunglasses... on one of the photos sent back by Mars rover curiosity. You have no idea how they got there, but short of taking a trip to Mars, there's no way of getting them back. Unless you ask a certain blind Eskimo who lives there... in a very nice way.

I wish there was no traffic on the autobahn (especially the A8 and A81) whenever I get on it.

[SeaFlower]

Granted, but you would only have a small bicycle to drive and you'd have only one arm

I wish it was cloudy today cuase I have no sunglasses

[Runesmith]

Granted. Because of your wish, it will be cloudy here in Germany and people will start trolling you on twitter (in German) for making that wish. Meanwhile, where you live, the sun is a huge, glorious ball of white heat, shining down with blinding light from the clear blue sky.

I wish all my meetings today would get canceled.

[SeaFlower]

Granted, but it would be because everyone attends your funeral after a spaceship crashes on your DB9 while you were at the dull autobahn

I wish I drink no more wine this week

[Runesmith]

Granted. Instead, you will be enjoying the exquisite taste of village moonshine... you know, the kind where you find the dead rat at the bottom of the barrel when you are done...

I wish I had a Koenigsegg Agera instead of a boring old DB9.