A new much more detailed "Guide" being made..

[Ranzid]

After reading many Scene guides and how-to's me and a few others have decided to write a guide that includes common pit falls or problems that newcomers may face.

We hope that by reading this that new subs or doms may avoid the awkward fails that seem to plague the scene all the time , and potentially avoid any more serious mishaps.

so the first part were looking to create is called " Introductions" Its all about finding a sub/dom and when you first start talking to them , any past experiences or annoyances you have with this process are what were looking for.

So if you've ever had a sub disappear after the first night , or if you've had a master demand you chew your own legs off on the first day.. tell us about it, the more experience we can cram into this guide the better it will be , if you don't want it in open channel please feel free to PM me.

Ideas that are used with mean you get your name in the credits (if you want it)

Thankyou for all your help in advance.

[chasethis]

The other night I engaged a submissive who promised to obey me and would return at a later time to fulfill some scheduled obligations. At the time he was supposed to meet me, he didn't show.

I feel this is a personal insult on a dom, and at the very least an apology should be given, but alas, none was.

Instead I took a new submissive and treated him to an engaging experience involving much of what I had promised the other, and then had the new sub forward his experiences to the "no show". I was very pleased to see the message he sent and I think it was a good way to send a clear message to that sub! Never let go of your positioning. If you're a dom, dominate and don't fall pitfall to a sub's foolishness. If you're a sub fulfill your obligations and show courtesy to your master.

[Ranzid]

this is one of the strong subjects we have , when a sub disapears with no warning after 1 night or even a few, its not only insulting to a master but also concerns us , what if the sub is having real difficulty etc , its really important to at least tell the dom whats going on even if its "im not going to carry on I dont really like being a sub"

[fromo]

Well, one major issue I have, is people who don't look into things. For instance, i place my ads as female, because im more a girl inside then I am a guy, im a trans, if only just starting out, and with my profile pic, people always jump to the conclusion that i'm a girl.
A sub applying for a dom, should always look into the dom/domme, before applying, in everyway, that way, there are no arguments, no sudden disapearences at the realisation, no disapointments, of loosing a promising sub because they weren't willing to look into things.
I can't count how many promising subs I've lost due to that piece of info, amazingly, alot of them have been girls as well. Only yesterday, someone wanted to have a session with me, a one off, so, I decided ok, she jumped on cam, then whilse i was searching for mine, asked a few q's, I told her i was trans, she calls me a lier and disapears instantly, considering i never claimed to be a girl at all or anything... I just left me sitting there thinking... wtf? really.

Things like that infuriate me, although it does please me to an extent that I look the part, hehe, half arsed subs like that just anoy the hell out of me. >.<

So the point im trying to say, background checks are essential to starting a s/m relationship, before its even considered.

[Feudal]

TL;DR - Look to build trust.

I think the biggest advantage of going online to meet people (subs or Doms) is the fact that you have a chance to really be yourself without fear of judgement from RL friends/family/colleagues.

You are anonymous and so can speak about how you genuinely feel, or what you genuinely want at that time, and it gives us all a chance to experiment in safety, without fear of being labelled, or having to live with the consequences of breaching someone else's taboos.

This anonymity, though, is also the single biggest challenge if you are serious about forging a relationship online.

When you first meet someone and you start to compare what you are looking for (which, lets be honest, is pretty easy (make some lists!)) and you start to find some common ground, it can be REALLY exciting, but, just as important as all of that, is building trust.

If I meet someone who SEEMS perfect, someone who totally rocks, I REALLY want to get to know them - maybe play with them, well - when that happens its my job to make sure that I have a sense of how genuine they are, and its their job to do the same with me. If you are new to a site and you are talking to someone who's been a part of that community for a while - its easy to feel safe that they are more or less who they say they are - when you are new though, you have to put in the leg work and introduce yourself to people, and give those folks some time to get to know you - be prepared to make abit of a commitment to the community you are joining! ;-)

If I feel that a person is being obstructive without giving me fair reason, then I question their motivations and I tend not to take things any further. That way I avoid disappointment online, just the same way as you do in real life, if you give people the chance to deceive you or lie to you then really you have only yourself to blame.

Without a wilingness to build trust on the part of BOTH parties I think that online encounters are pretty much doomed to fail. Be as HONEST about who you are as you can be, from the outset, and be as courteous to people online as you would be to your work colleagues/friends, treat them as though you WILL see them again, and expect the same.

[Ranzid]

thankyou fromo and feudal, you both raise also very important issues , trust is a 2 way street and needs to be worked at much more on here than in real life, and yes both masters and slaves who dont check someone's profile or at least ask about the basics obviously doesn't have the commitment needed for even the most basic of relationships.

this first chapter is shapeing up nicely .. but more experiences are always needed especially subs as there in the minority right now.

[Rachie]

Nice idea for a guide. Hope all goes well

LOVE RACHIE
x x x x

[Ranzid]

Thanks .. and also .. Rawr


also we still need more subs and more experiences so keep em coming

[luvNgrl]

There are several issues I have run into as a sub. One of them being that the second a master replies to your ad or has any connection with you, he automatically assumes you to be his property without any further conversation. Until both individuals are in agreement with eachother that they are in fact going to start a relationship together, that slave does not belong to that master. I absolutely hated getting messages that said you are my slave so do this from an individual I have never talked to before. No that is not how any relationship should work.

Another issues I get so scared about is when a slave finds a master within minutes or hours. Clearly the slave rushed into things. Most of the time those relationships do not turn out well at all. It is very important to talk a lot and get to know the individual before making any agreement. I suggest to set up a trial period before you agree to be a definite M/s couple. I know I myself struggled with this one as it's so easy for a female to find a master that I could be very picky and I could rush things as I was taken up quickly. I did some stupid things with my first couple masters bc I rushed everything. within my first month I went through 4 masters..thats scary but I finally became smart and learned to set up a trial time. I just wish slaves would take their time and realize that its not easy to find the right match.

Also, a slave should know that they can always get out. I dont care if there's a contract or whatever. If you feel unsafe at all about something, dont do it. If you are told you have to then leave. You dont have to stay in the relationship. Its not worth you possibly being injured.

Hmm thats all for now, but Im sure I will add more

[Star Shadows]

Originally Posted by chasethis

The other night I engaged a submissive who promised to obey me and would return at a later time to fulfill some scheduled obligations. At the time he was supposed to meet me, he didn't show.

I feel this is a personal insult on a dom, and at the very least an apology should be given, but alas, none was.

Instead I took a new submissive and treated him to an engaging experience involving much of what I had promised the other, and then had the new sub forward his experiences to the "no show". I was very pleased to see the message he sent and I think it was a good way to send a clear message to that sub! Never let go of your positioning. If you're a dom, dominate and don't fall pitfall to a sub's foolishness. If you're a sub fulfill your obligations and show courtesy to your master.

Originally Posted by Ranzid

this is one of the strong subjects we have , when a sub disapears with no warning after 1 night or even a few, its not only insulting to a master but also concerns us , what if the sub is having real difficulty etc , its really important to at least tell the dom whats going on even if its "im not going to carry on I dont really like being a sub"

While not looking to criticise I would like to point out that it is not only submissives that do these vanishing acts.

But on a more general point. best of luck with the thread. The more information there is out there to help people the better. As the saying goes prevention is better than cure.

[fromo]

Originally Posted by Star Shadows

While not looking to criticise I would like to point out that it is not only submissives that do these vanishing acts.

But on a more general point. best of luck with the thread. The more information there is out there to help people the better. As the saying goes prevention is better than cure.

Agreed therem many doms are also only after getting them selfs off once, then disapearing.

[Ranzid]

thankyou starshadows and fromo , your both quite right that masters do the same things , but this is exactly why we need more experiences from a sub point of view... so keep the info coming the more the better , chapter 1 will be released soon!

[fromo]

Just going to post a minor mention for here, things should always be made clear when contacting some-one weather the person is seeking 1 on 1 relation ship, 1 and dom/domme polly, or just ocasional one offs and such.
I wa talking to a sub, who's obviasly seen my add, and that I have several subs, or not read that part (well, a little ago now), and overlooked the fact that i seek multiple, and not 1 on 1, the reason for not one on one, because I'd only do that with some-one if it was in person personly.