Using Titles

[OffbeatDivine]

So, I've noticed the titles Dom, Domme, Master, Mistress, Sir, etc floating around quite a bit. I've even received a few PM's addressing me as Sir or Master.

I've briefly explained to those individuals in a reply, what I want to share here for everyone.

In the BDSM scene using a title with someone else implies a relationship or some other agreement. Calling someone by a title, even if it's out of respect, is kind of weird, and sometimes even frowned upon. Just use names. Even in IRL scenes and events, just use names. I know a lot of Dom/mess but I don't call them Sir/Miss unless I'm in a scene with them - same thing with subs. (Actually, if a sub's Dom/me is around and you address them by something other than their name, it's very likely you'd get asked to leave).

We're all just people, here for fun - that is not in implication of any sort of relationship, power exchange, or other understanding.

Now, however... There are places where this is acceptable. The "Mistress May I" thread, for example, introduces that relationship for that one specific moment and that one specific post.

On the flip side, if someone were to approach me with "you stupid little sissy bitch" I'd probably respond with a polite "fuck you" and block them. I do not have that relationship with that person. Again, there are places where it's okay, such as joining a thread where you EXPECT to be approached that way.

Whether it's a "Dom/me"/respectful title, or a "sub"-type title, it's weird (at least to me) to just assume someone's role, title, and how they want to be addressed. In both the examples above, the difference is this: It's not one person approaching another and assuming/applying a title to them - there's been an initiation, either by conversation or joining a thread, to set the grounds and expectations for how to address each other. Without that - we're all just people.

I do understand that this is a more light-hearted place for casual fun, but for those interested in the BDSM scene or looking to get in to it, throwing titles around is not something you should expect.

There's my contribution to the 'education' section.

[MissyK]

I mostly fully agree to this! Just one smaaaaall quibble

If you introduce yourself with a title, in the IRL community, that's essentially communicating consent to being addressed that way by others.

Example, you go to a munch and a group of people are introducing themselves, a dom says "Hi, I'm Miss Katrina." It would not be seen as weird or overstepping if you referred to the dom as Miss Katrina. It would also, usually, be seen as totally fine if you drop the title as well and just called them Katrina

[Geo T]

Hi!
I agree with both posts above. As a dominant, I believe that if someone uses any submissive "title" or degrading adjective in their user's name on the site, they entitle you de facto to call them that way. Which I often do depending on the context of their post and / or profile.

When in doubt, I tend to avoid to contact them upfront with any title or adjective.

[pluky]

But I've seen a few people expressing the very opposite sentiment, that they would see it as respectful to be addressed as Sir when approached even if no power exchange is going on yet. So you never really know what people want, but I agree that neutral should be the default.