"Say it!" [Fiction]

[BlitzMundane]

Originally Posted by Honestman

Wow. This is good. Sexual tension even though nothing has happened. Can't wait to see the end of it all. Please continue.

Thank you!! Amazing feedback, and I'm not even sure if I deserve it. I'll be continuing whenever I get the chance.

[BlitzMundane]

Originally Posted by DHK-eh

Very good, I like your pacing (not to fast) and I like how much of the story is in the thoughts of the characters; which is in my opinion the most interesting place of a story. It will be fun to see how they develop. Please continue.

Thank you for such kind words! I agree; the thoughts of the characters are very important in a story; and are also too-often neglected.

[Sharp Nacelle]

Another chapter would be appreciated.

[BlitzMundane]

Chapter 3 – Apple

Inspiration hit Apple in first hour, when one of the boys in her class complimented her outfit; “Man, girl, that skirt be goin’ hard today.”

Her reply; "...What?”

“I say, you be goin’ hard today. You’re on point. You, uh, look good.”

“Oh. Well, um, thank you.”

After the bell rang, she bumped into Jag in the hallway. Using the incredibly short amount of time she had to her advantage, she started the desired conversation; “A boy said I looked nice a few minutes ago. He’s a sophomore, and a football player. I think he’s kinda cute.” Jag looked at her, confused, with one eyebrow raised. “I think I’m going to ask him out.”

“Wha-what?!” Jag almost yelled, eyes wide with surprise. “Why? Um, I mean,” he caught himself, trying to look calm. “Why would you ask a guy out? Don’t girls want the guy to ask them out?”

“Yeah, but I heard this guy specifically say that he prefers the girl to make the first move. So, I’m going to ask him out.” Apple brushed him off coolly, acting like she didn’t notice his reaction and/or didn’t care. She barely looked at him, and when she did, it was only down her nose.

Jag hated it; she was acting precisely like she used to, back in middle school, when she wouldn’t talk to him. Yes, they had known each other since third grade, but sixth through eighth, Apple practically hated him. It was only that summer, before ninth grade, that they had somehow taken to hanging out. And now, they were best friends.

Coming back to reality, Jag stumbled for words. “But... But, uh, you still shouldn’t ask him out—“

“I won’t if you don’t want me to, buddy,” Apple said, suddenly kind. She looked at him now, with wide eyes filled with concern. “If you say you don’t want me dating another boy, Jag, then I won’t.”

Jag was taken aback; she was going to listen to him? She wasn’t going to ask out a different boy? “Really? You wouldn’t date someone else if I didn’t want you to?”

“Yes. But you have to do something for me.”

“Anything! Anything, please don’t ask him.”

“Say the safe word.” Apple tried to hide a devious smile behind a serious frown. Not giving her friend time to protest, she continued, “It’s the only way I know you’re serious! If you’re willing to give up a point so that I don’t ask this one guy out, then I won’t.”

Jag thought about this deal... If he said one word, just one stupid word, then he could keep his Apple single. It sounded like it was worth it... Unless... It was all a trick. The boy almost lashed out with anger and surprise; “Wait!! Wait, no, you’re lying! You would never ask a boy out, especially one you think is cute!! You’re a submissive, after all. And shy, and self-conscious!” Staring wildly at her, he waited for a retort. How was Apple going to defend herself after such a straight-forward and truthful attack?

“Damnit, why do you know me so well?” was her only response. Taking one step to the right, she was almost automatically submerged in teenage bodies. The busy hallway consumed her, not to be seen again until their lunch hour.

-~-~-~-

Apple walked into the huge cafeteria, making a bee-line to her table. All her friends were already situated in their usual spots, but something was off; Jag, who typically was controlling any and all conversations at this point, was sitting quietly, turned away from the table. When he saw her approach, he stood up and grabbed her arm, leading her toward the door to the outside world. Leaving behind a confused group of teenagers, they said not a word. Finally outside, Jag roughly pushed his friend against the side of the brick building.

“This needs to stop,” he said, his face totally serious. Apple noticed for the first time how tall her best friend was. He had grown since the end of last year. Nervous and confused, Apple tried to pull herself away, but Jag held her upper arms tightly, pushing them against the wall. The girl felt her heart start to pound faster, and a slight blush rose to her cheeks.

“Um, what? What do you mean?” She tried not to make eye contact, but it was hard when Jag was practically forcing her to look at him, inclining his head to follow her shy look-aways.

“This. This... contest. It’s stupid.”

“How is it stupid? It’s just a game; a fun, stupid game.”

“No, it’s not. We keep doing stuff to each other that’s mean and hurtful; stuff that we wouldn’t normally do if we weren’t competing.” When Apple refused to look at him or say anything, Jag continued; “Like yesterday! I tried to undo your bra and pour water on your chest. If I had succeeded, you would have been so embarrassed! You would have hated me forever! But I don’t want you to hate me forever. I don’t want to do mean things to you.”

“Then let me win,” Apple stated plainly, looking up at him.

Jag didn’t reply. Apple, suddenly looking up, had brought her and his face not six inches apart. He was momentarily distracted, thinking about how his jeans started to grow uncomfortable as he noticed how close their bodies were, how easily he was overpowering her... How easily he could kiss her, if he wanted to. If he wanted to. He did want to. His breath caught in his throat and his ears flushed red as he dived deeper into the thought; he could kiss her, and she couldn’t get away. He was too strong. He was holding her there, against her will. Because he was so strong, and tall, and she was so weak. And fragile. He could kiss her.

His mind running circles, he didn’t realize that he was slowly lowering his face toward Apple’s. Confused and slightly scared, she didn’t move, as she waited for him to break out of the sudden courageous-ness, like he usually did.

These forgetful bursts of bravado were oddly common nowadays; like that time last month when Jag reached out and felt her upper thigh in his dad’s truck, on the way to get ice-cream. Or when he had grabbed and held her to his body at the dance, a week ago. These moments were always surprisingly sudden and very quick to end, and were always followed with an awkward silence.

Just as predicted, Jag froze as his body tensed, realizing what he had almost done. He opened his eyes (which he hadn’t noticed had been closed) and looked, pleadingly, at his best friend. His face said everything; “I’m sorry,” “I wish I hadn’t done that,” and “I wish I had done that.”

Releasing his grip on her arms, Jag stepped away from Apple, staring at his feet. He was ashamed of his actions, as well as the noticeable bulge in his pants. He tried to casually place his hands over the area, but it was difficult to stand so still and unsuspicious after such an embarrassing moment. Wishing Apple would say something, he avoided looking in her direction as he burned a few feet away.

“Um... It’s okay.”

Surprised, he looked up, only to immediately look down again. She had said it was okay? Okay, that he had forced himself on her?

“It’s alright... It’s my fault. You’re right, this is a stupid game.” So, she was blaming herself for being pushed against the wall and (almost) kissed? That didn’t make a lick of sense, but Jag was just glad that she wasn't yelling at him. “We don’t have to play anymore.”

Not wanting to continue the conversation any longer, Jag mumbled a quick “m’kay” and quickly ran away, headed for the boys’ bathroom.


-End-

[BlitzMundane]

Yes, it's a short chapter... But only because it's unfinished. "What's the use of posting an unfinished chapter?" you ask... Well, kind stranger, it's because I felt incredibly terrible for not posting something in so long. I don't mean to sound arrogant, thinking that I have so many readers as to cause a riot, but I still felt bad for the few readers I had.
I'm working on teh remainder of the chapter at the moment... Hopefully, it'll be posted before anyone even reads the first part! ^_^

EDIT: Okay, finished the last chapter and posted it. Enjoy!

[DHK-eh]

I'm glad you finally did post again, and that was probably my favorite so far. Taking it away from the normal story progression with realistic emotions not driven by hyper-horniness? What!? Great post and I really like your writing style.

[BlitzMundane]

Originally Posted by DHK-eh

I'm glad you finally did post again, and that was probably my favorite so far. Taking it away from the normal story progression with realistic emotions not driven by hyper-horniness? What!? Great post and I really like your writing style.

THANK YOU!!! I'M EXPLODING WITH HAPPINESS ABOUT THAT CHAPTER!!
Yes, I had a lapse in updates... My apoligies... I could say that I've been busy with school work, but I don't like making exscuses.
(I've been SOOO busy!!! Had to read "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Katherine Gillman, "Rose for Emily" by William Faulkner, and "The Cask of Amontillado" by Edgar Allen Poe this week, followed by an essay for each!)

Anyhoo... Yup. Thank you.

[DHK-eh]

Well don't actually blow up cause then you may have trouble finishing. Also I hope that reading doesn't blend with this writing, I'm not familiar with that particular Edger allen poe story, but I'm pretty sure they all involve people trapped alive in walls and stuff. (Although that would be an interesting twist to this story.) but ya take your time if you're busy with real life stuff.

Also according to your 'current activity' in your profile i think you're currently watching this forum during my last posts.

[BlitzMundane]

Originally Posted by DHK-eh

Well don't actually blow up cause then you may have trouble finishing. Also I hope that reading doesn't blend with this writing, I'm not familiar with that particular Edger allen poe story, but I'm pretty sure they all involve people trapped alive in walls and stuff. (Although that would be an interesting twist to this story.) but ya take your time if you're busy with real life stuff.

Also according to your 'current activity' in your profile i think you're currently watching this forum during my last posts.

Okay, maybe "exploding" wasn't the right word to use... I'm overflowing with happiness.

Wow, I hadn't even realized that, but you're right; all the short stories I was assigned this week had to do with being trapped.
"The Cask of Amontillado" is a very interesting story, though. You should definately look it up, if you're into Poe's other works.
I'm not quite sure how I could work forced confinement into the story, though. By this time, I've only got two chapters left until the ending, but I'll think about it.

Actually, my profile must be messed up, because right after I posted that last reply, I had gotten offline to take a shower. And before you even posted, I was editing grammar mistakes on the last chapter. But yeah, I guess I have been watching the thread, because I enjoy talking with wonderful writers, such as yourself. ^_^

[thedaring1]

Thank you.
You know how to write, pretty damn well in fact. You havent rushed your story, which makes it stand out. I accualy laughed at this story, it opened brilliantly. I feel connected to the characters and I cant decide who I want to lose which I like. Apples not only has an intresting name, but an intresting personality. You skipped past the clitché charactes and made some who are unique. This is a high quality story which I was greatly shocked by.
Best story ive read in awhile

[BlitzMundane]

Originally Posted by thedaring1

Thank you.
You know how to write, pretty damn well in fact. You havent rushed your story, which makes it stand out. I accualy laughed at this story, it opened brilliantly. I feel connected to the characters and I cant decide who I want to lose which I like. Apples not only has an intresting name, but an intresting personality. You skipped past the clitché charactes and made some who are unique. This is a high quality story which I was greatly shocked by.
Best story ive read in awhile

Thank YOU.
I feel a bit awkward about the names of the main characters, but I can't change them. Not only is it too late in the story, but I also just don't have the heart to. When I thought of the names, they were sort of "code names" to hide the fact that the story is about my boyfriend and I, and they were meant to be changed after I let a few friends read it. But, the names stuck. I'm trying to fit an explanation of Apple's nickname into the story, but I keep forgetting. I just hope that I haven't lost any readers due to my silly name choises.

Another thing is, people have been complimenting me on how I haven't rushed into anything sexual, when the truth is that I just don't really want to. I had to force myself to say that Jag was getting excited, so I can tell it's going to be hard to make the two go any further. Reading the scene now, Jag's stiffness still seems... stiff. Lame. Kinda... out of place. I'll have to work on that in the next chapter. :P

I am very proud of the prologue, yes. ^_^ That was based off of true events that happened this summer, the only difference being the names. (Unnecessary winky face)

-END unnecessarily long comment-

[BlitzMundane]

Bumping to say that I'm honestly working on the fourth chapter. I'm having trouble with the beginning... And a bit of the middle, and probably the end, too. Basically, I have no idea what is going to happen in the chapter. :P
Do YOU know what should happen? Do you have an idea, whether creepy, sadistic, or contrustive to the main character's relationship? Think I should add an antagonist? Any comments, idea, or suggestions sent via PMs are welcome. ^_^

[WowwieGoesWoof]

I love the story! And don't think only those who reply are reading - some just aren't big on replying XD. Anyway keep up the good work!!!

[BlitzMundane]

Originally Posted by WoWaddict

I love the story! And don't think only those who reply are reading - some just aren't big on replying XD. Anyway keep up the good work!!!

Thank you! Those are very kind words!
Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself. I wish more people would replyl though -- I'd love some constructive critism.

[Sharp Nacelle]

I hope this isn't the last we've seen of Apple.