Would you like to learn?

[Thoughtwrangler]

Hello to all,

So recently I reread a thread that has re-emerged in this section. Amongst other things it touched on education of newcomers to a BDSM lifestyle or a Dom/sub relationship.

Now I'm sure all users are aware that they can create a new thread when they want advice but I thought that typically in that case people are asking for advice on a specific instance or scenario.

I'd really like to hear what people think would generally be helpful to newcomers. From the perspectives of both Dominants and submissives, experienced players and newcomers.

From this, if we see returning themes perhaps users who feel like they've got a firm understanding of the topic could post about it or as I would prefer start a new thread on the topic.

Rather than bicker about what the right opinion on various topics I would really just like to see what people think would be good topics to educate newcomers to.

Personally I would like to see discussion on how Dominants should be respectful of their subs.

[BDSMVirgin]

As a relative newcomer, I'd greatly appreciate two things. First, I'd really appreciate advice on keeping myself safe and anonymous while seeking a master. Certainly, advice on offline relationships is much needed. Second, I'd really like descriptions of sessions. I don't find slave blogs very helpful, as they tend to focus more on a skave's feelings. Having more of an idea of what actually goes on in real sessions (online and off) would be invaluable. In my case, I wonder how common my fantasies are. Seeing what I'm interested in mentioned in a description of a real session is certainly comforting and encouraging.

Hope this helps.

[AsrialDune]

Here's my take on your questions:

Originally Posted by BDSMVirgin

As a relative newcomer, I'd greatly appreciate two things. First, I'd really appreciate advice on keeping myself safe and anonymous while seeking a master.

The best advice I can give you is to simply not give out identifying information. Don't tell a potential master your address (state and/or city are general enough if they want to know where you live), your phone number and last name (first name is debatable, I never force a slave to give me her real name right off the bat - some have and some haven't. It boils down to comfort and I'd suggest to err on the side of caution). Once the relationship is well established you can think about giving out some of this information. I would never give an address, though - unless you're going to meet in person.

Also, be judicious with pictures until you know what you're getting in to with a particular master. Pics are helpful to establish a level of trust between the master and the slave since there are so many people on the internet pretending to be someone they aren't (I'm looking at you, guys who say you're 18 year old girls with no limits who will do anything). Sending a pic can establish trust that the person on the other end of the chat is actually the gender and age that they claim to be, but you have to be careful since there are definitely people out there just looking for pics to jack off to. A good rule of thumb is to keep your clothes on for a minimum of a month to make sure that the master you're sending the pics to is actually interested in being your master and not just looking for a spank bank deposit.

When I'm starting out with a sub I'll let her know that I am not requiring her to send me a pic but she is welcome to if she is comfortable with it. I also make sure to tell her that she can pick whatever clothing she wants to wear. If I get a pic back with her fully clothed and no face that's perfectly fine; frankly the only time I worry is when I get a naked pic - it tells me that she isn't thinking very much about her safety (or is a fake who pulled a pic off of a porn site). I will almost always send her a pic of myself (clothed) once we get started.

Certainly, advice on offline relationships is much needed.

I don't have a whole lot to say about finding a master offline since every sub that I've had offline has either been a girlfriend who was interested in BDSM or an online sub who I meet. What I can tell you is that you have to be extra careful and be very aware of the situation. The very nice thing about online BDSM is that it's so easy to walk away from a bad situation - just close the chat window, stop emailing, etc. In person, things can get a lot more complicated. If you're sitting in a diner somewhere it's easy enough to get up and walk away if the master isn't what you want, but if you're tied up then you'll have a problem.

Some basic things to consider are meeting in a public place for the first few times to get to know each other, bringing a friend (if you have someone who you're comfortable letting in to this part of your life - not everyone does) to the first few meetings, and insisting on no sex in the beginning. Beyond that, I'll let someone who has more experience finding an offline master take over.

Second, I'd really like descriptions of sessions. I don't find slave blogs very helpful, as they tend to focus more on a skave's feelings. Having more of an idea of what actually goes on in real sessions (online and off) would be invaluable. In my case, I wonder how common my fantasies are. Seeing what I'm interested in mentioned in a description of a real session is certainly comforting and encouraging.

The tricky thing about your question is that a session is, at the most basic, when two or more people do BDSM activities (we can debate if solo play counts, but that's a bit beyond your question). It can happen (mostly) anywhere at any time. It can range from playing at a club to you and your master in your bedroom and anything in between. What happens during the session depends completely on what the master and slave like (and, to some extent, location since clubs have rules and there are some things that will get you arrested for doing in public). If you'd like to know about something in particular you can ask, or if you don't what to put it out like that you can PM me and I'll tell you what I know about it.

I hope I've helped you, if you have more questions I'd be happy to answer them as best I can too.