new at this...

[devil_kitten]

hi so yeah im new at all of this but basically an ex and we had decided to experiment with the dom and sub scene and i realised i like being a sub but that i also have basicaly no idea about the scene i know a couple rules and how the scene works but id like to learn more...

i would love to learn about
1 the rules most subs have to follow

2 what being a sub means (like how it changes how you should act to a dom)

3 i know you have safe words but apart from that how do you keep it safe

4 how do i know i would be able to cope with being a sub if i had a strict dom?

thank you x it kinda sucks being clueless

[DAREBOY121]

hey, well i can teach you all about this scene and answer all your questions. I sent you a pm, answer it and I can help you out with this

from, Sebastian

[Master92]

as for rules It kinda depends on the master and what he?she wants I make my slaves/subs refer to me as sir or master everytime they speak (I assume all masters do this but Im not every master so yea) really though you should ask your dom/master that as he/she is the one who makes and enforces rules

[devil_kitten]

Originally Posted by Master92

as for rules It kinda depends on the master and what he?she wants I make my slaves/subs refer to me as sir or master everytime they speak (I assume all masters do this but Im not every master so yea) really though you should ask your dom/master that as he/she is the one who makes and enforces rules

dont have one im single im just wanting to learn about the scene and work out what the most common rules are etc x

[Master92]

yea got that now sorry read the origianal post wrong

[devil_kitten]

no prob lol just id like to learn a bit about all this and see what i think when i know more i might want to try doing it properly but not sure yet... i have a stubborn streak it may not work too well haha x

[Sasahara]

Much of what you are asking about will vary from relationship to relationship. The key is communication and negotiation. You need to talk about what you like, about what your limits are, about where and how you will play, etc. with the dom you choose. Trust is key in dom/sub relationships.

The rules that get set up will, again, depend on the desires of the dom (and also the sub).

The keys for you, as a sub, as I see it are to think about the kinds of things you want, the things that make you nervous but excite you, and the things you totally don't want. Then find someone you trust and can have a good relationship with to explore those things.

Hope this helps!

[Counterfeit_Fantasy]

Firstly, you should know "most slaves" isn't you. We all have our kinks and likes, but usually:

1. A sub would be ask to be obedient and loyal. These are probably the most common.
A Dom expects you to pass your limits for pleasure, varying their rules to fit them and you. You should expect to have to put on some identification on you, to show that you're owned, a collar and/or a new name.
Sometimes you will be given a name for the duration of the BDSM. Some Doms will ask you to do whatever they want unless it would effect your wellbeing.
Make sure your Dom is understand and not an idiot. Know the difference between bondage and rape.

2. A sub, or submissive, bottom, or slave is a person who, with consent, gives up their control of aspects of their sex or life to a Dom, dominant, top.
There are different levels in which a sub will commit, usually decided on both partners. In some cases, the dom takes a large portion of a sub's life, how they eat, how long they sleep, who they communicate. Other times, its smaller things, when they masturbate and orgasm control(fairly common), what they wear, small daily task.

3. Note: Your safeword should be usable through a gag, my favourite would be "Hacker", it's recognizable when you can't use your tongue and your mouth movements are limited, it's something that usually wouldn't be said during sex, and is a turn off.
Other ways to keep yourself saw is telling your Dom beforehand your limits, health issues. Always keep a pair of scissors near you in case things get tight. Avoid anything pointy, hot, cold, or hazardous away from your face. Usually keep lower than your neck.
*Make sure you read up a little before trying something new.

4. Experience. Make sure your Dom allows you to leave his services and you feel comfortable with him.
Make sure that he does not truly see you as an object. There's a difference between place and morals. Make sure he accepts the responsibility of taking care of you.
Ask about your master's philosophy. Any master who thinks you're there to amuse them is inexperienced. Pimp cane them, then stuff them up your ass.

+1 to my large ego.(Look how amazing my post is, damn it's splendid, for shame you can be this fabulous.)

[devil_kitten]

thanks thats really helpful xx

[Endu]

Everything you've asked boils down to one answer: Know who you're submitting to. Don't submit to just anyone.

A lot of people idealize these things and jump into them expecting everything to be fun and run smoothly, when that's almost never the case. That's how you get hurt.

Counterfeit_Fantasy was taught well. Everything in her post, including her signature, is relevant to what's being asked here and should be taken to heart.

Even when you find the perfect Master, there's still going to be a lot of trial and error and a lot of getting to know one another, just as there is in any relationship.

As with any relationship, there needs to be an equal amount of give and receive. When you know your dom, and when your dom knows you, you'll know how to act, and they'll know how to fulfill your needs.

Basically, what I'm saying is that finding a suitable Master or dom is going to require commitment and effort.

There are different subcultures revolving around this, though. I would search Google for fiction and the like. You might even do well to research the Gorean lifestyle. Most people don't take it to the extremes that many Gorean lifestylers do, but it still gives you a good general idea of how slaves and subs are expected to behave, and that subculture is rich with enlightened people who are very serious about what they do.

As a rule of thumb, though: Whatever you don't like, don't do. It's that simple. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Let me ask you something: How do you picture being a slave (edit: or sub), devil_kitten? Forget about all of what I just said for a moment and answer that.

[Busty]

PM me if you have any questions you would like to ask. I will do my best to help.

[Director]

Question what's your favourate part of being a sub ?

[Wasn't_Me]

Depending on your age it might not hurt to look into some real life groups in your area. I myself have only done this to the bare minimum but you learn quick.
Going in as a noob the truly respectable will try and protect you as you learn if anything.
Some that is not talked about on this site a lot is SSC.
Safe Sain and Consensual.
These should be the rules of any scene. And this is a rule that both the submissive and the dom MUST follow to be a healthy and sucessful M/s relationship in my humble opinion.

A lot of the popular play you can really find the DO NOT DO's just by using google. Otherwise if something seems unsafe but you still desperatly want to try, research, and most of all move slow.
Use your brains, some things are just stupid. It is as simple as that. Remember all those times someone sarcastically said "If I told you to jump off a bridge would you do it?"
A good Master would rather have you say no then have you get seriously hurt.

Then last but most definatly not least, consensual.
Never let anyone force you to do something you don't want to do. There are a reason limits are posted. If you have a limit you refuse to let get pushed then dont let it get pushed. You don't have to and its as simple as that.

Now the advice may be harsh, but its just most the "doms" on this side are idiots. So following it is wise .