Training a mistress

[humpy1507]

Hi everyone,

As a male sub I have no clue in this topic really so thought I would ask you all for any possible recommendations/advice. A friend today said she wanted to progress from having a kinky side to becoming a mistress. As you all know there is a lot to learn out there and I'm looking for any mistress/master who would be willing to train her. Please post any information below

[Hollyann]

i will train her
i am experinced so i will do a good job at traing her and i have triand slaves before also i will respect all of her limits and i will cut her a little slack at the begining but as time moves on there will be less and less

[fireman]

but you do not honner your own word

[Hollyann]

that is not my fault i can not go on today i use msn on my ipod and my ipod broke and i cant download msn onto my moms computer im getting a new ipod later and we can do it later to day or tommorow

[yours_slave]

First of all, a domination side of a man/woman cannot be increase forcibly. It should come up naturally from them. If you are asking how to do that, the answer is 'no you cannot train someone to be a master or mistress'.

But if your question is how to train to be a proper Mistress or Master who is already has a dominating personality, well there is an answer for that. I hope you asked that.

Submissive can be trained to be a slave. We can set specific rules and we can train him/her to be well disciplined and obedient slave. But as for the masters and mistresses, it's something which comes with their personality. There is no specific set of rules for masters and slaves in BDSM. For example, I'm a master to some females as well as I'm a slave to some dominating women. It depends on the person who you are training and who are training you. I will not obey young, cute innocent girl. Rather I would like to take her as my slave.

A master/mistress should understand about the slave's desire. Becoming a master/mistress is not easy. Well, here most of the people think, by using some extremely rude words like slut, bitch, whore etc. they can be a dominant. You can never be a dominant if you do not know how to talk to a person. Slaves are humans. There are some situations they must be treated like animals (situations like degradation, dog training etc.). But that doesn't mean they should be treated like piece of shit. Personally, I never call my slaves with uncomfortable names. Be polite. Polite and respectfulness is a must for a dominant. Be caring when s/he needs you. Talk with your slaves. Try to understand their inner desires. Help them to try them out. Be strict when it's needed and be flexible when it's needed. Before you give a task/punishment for your slave, think twice. It's a great responsibility. Think what will be the consequences of the task/punishment. Never ever put your slave in danger. A slave is a gift for a master. S/he must be protected like a treasure.

Personally I think it's much more difficult to be a master/mistress than be a slave. Master/Mistress must think carefully before taking any decision about her/his slave.

Finally, I need to say that, if you do not know how to respect people, if you are sexually psycho or if you are a great great fool, you can never be a master or a mistress....

Hope this helps. Let us know if you have any more questions. I'm not a very good master. There are some very good mistresses and masters out there. I hope they will caught your question.

[humpy1507]

yes she already has a dominating personality, but like you said needs to be taught how to become a good mistress and understand more than just the sexual part of it. That is why I seek advice from people such as yourself and thanks for the post

[DarkAndEvil]

Originally Posted by yours_slave

Personally I think it's much more difficult to be a master/mistress than be a slave. Master/Mistress must think carefully before taking any decision about her/his slave.

I know switches who are dominant when they have the energy and are rested, but submit after a hard week at work. It needs a surprising amount of energy and concentration to be a Master/Mistress/Dominant/etc.

Yes, probably the best way is to find a dominant male/female and a submissive/slave for her to work on (that might be you). The worst thing you can do is try to teach her as a submissive - doing that will only ruin whatever dynamic you have.

[carom]

Please keep in mind that what I will say here is my opinion and my experience, not a rule.
Also I wont use the terms master and slave as I find them misused in the way that we all talk about a dominant/submissive relationship where Master and Slave is only one route and one that in my experience is very differently and unclear defined from person to person

Being a dominant and being a submissive is about being yourself. It is about opening to all aspects of yourself, Searching and following your true desires.
For some people this means that they find the desire to submit and others to dominate, and again others that follow both ways in unlimited different ways.
This is also true for most “vanillas”. I know and have seen a lot vanilla dominant submissive relationships that just don't use the words for it.

Originally Posted by yours_slave

First of all, a domination side of a man/woman cannot be increase forcibly. It should come up naturally from them. If you are asking how to do that, the answer is 'no you cannot train someone to be a master or mistress'.

Keep that in mind if you ask for “training”. You don't train a submissive or a dominate. You help them to find themselves. There is nothing to learn about that. Also that all is in no way connected with any form of BDSM play whatsoever and can work fine in a vanilla setting.

Now there is the other aspect. The things she wants to do. Depending on her desires and preferences there are activities that require knowledge. This varies a lot from what she is interested in.
There are safety aspects to consider and there are psychological aspects to consider. There are skills that you may have to train. All these things can be learned in different ways. And sometimes may require different ways of learning dependent also on the person learning.,

Lets take an example of something used here on the site often in a simple manner,.spanking. Said fast but in reality a complex subject

- There is the technical aspect of learning how to hold your hand or the object to spank with. To learn the basic skills, To increase your endurance and aim, what may require a lot time and yes in this case training, dependent on the implement.
- There is the aspects of where it is safe to hit and where not, what can also vary again from the object you use.
- There is the aspect of learning how the spanked one reacts and to read his or her body language. The different reactions of different people. The ways people process pain. How to see how far you can go. How you can help the button to handle the pain better.
- There is the aspect of how to threat the spanked areas after
- There is the psychological aspect of a spanking, What influence it has while and after you give it. When to not do it. How to give aftercare. What again is very different from person to person.
and so on

What I want to show is how much just one single aspect can be, How much work it can need to just learn the basics, and how much needs to be considered when you give an order. And to be prepared that this takes time to learn. Even years.
Does that mean you can not learn to spank someone in a week, no. Just that you have to be aware of and work in your limits.

The other aspect I wanted to show is that things have many aspects. All of them can be learned in different ways.
First of she may have to ask herself what aspects she is interested in. Concentrating one a few areas and get the basic knowledge.
Dependent on the subject that can be done with books and self tests or by a teacher.
She should first concentrate on the safety aspects.

Originally Posted by DarkAndEvil

Yes, probably the best way is to find a dominant male/female and a submissive/slave for her to work on (that might be you). The worst thing you can do is try to teach her as a submissive - doing that will only ruin whatever dynamic you have.

I disagree, the teacher can be your submissive, Teaching is not dominating.. And to not use the knowledge of your sub if it is greater than yours is a lost opportunity and I go even so far as to say that you always can learn something from ever submissive. That does not mean that you need to break your dynamic.

If she knows what aspects she wants to learn you or she may say so. Then it is a lot easier to give advice to where and how to learn.

Originally Posted by humpy1507

yes she already has a dominating personality, but like you said needs to be taught how to become a good mistress and understand more than just the sexual part of it. That is why I seek advice from people such as yourself and thanks for the post

A good mistress for who? One subs dream is the next ones nightmare. There is no rulebook of what is good and bad and a lot depends on both partners..As I said before it is about finding your way not to be pressed in the “mistress” mold.

There is the option of a mentor looking over the aspects she feels problematic. But this should in my eyes never be training but advice.
All with the aim to learn to question your own behavior and the message it sends out and learning to think for yourself..

Maybe it would help if she says what she thinks and where she has problems and needs help.