Where's the limit?

[MrLoboSnow]

Hi everyone!

Not very long ago I was surfing GD and I came across this thread where a guy asked for dares. He said that he had a female roommate and one of his biggest fetishes (and the one about he was asking the dares) was cumming on her roommate’s stuff. Of course she wasn’t aware of this activity at all, and he was asking for tasks that could be performed quite discreetly.

The thing is that all of the responses to the thread where quite negative, meaning that people condemned this behavior for being unethical, so I thought that was beyond the limit for most of the people. So that got me thinking for a while and I remembered other “fetishes” or “likes” that involved other people. For instance, there are many people here that enjoy flashing their boobs, ass, cock, pussy… whatever to other random people and this has a great acceptance within the community, even though it means involving other people too. Or there was this girl who wanted to have a master online to control her real life relationships with other guys (whether go out with them or not, whether have sex or not, kind of sex…). This involved other people as well!

In my mind the limit has always been the other people’s freedom, meaning that I have the freedom to do whatever I want always that I don’t violate other people’s freedom. Anything consensual is not unethical to me. But after bumping into this dilemma and thinking about it a bit deeper I ask myself: What’s freedom? Where’s the limit? I don’t have the answer, I’m still trying to figure it out, but I’d love to hear what you guys think about it.

LS.

[WannabeSlut95]

I think that the majority of GetDare limit is pretty much what you've said, cumming on other peoples stuff - when they don't know is definitely unethical. But I think, because of the fact that he was soiling her belongings, that's why it had a negative response from the GetDare community. Whereas, controlling other peoples sex lives, that is more - "widely accepted?"

For me, I wouldn't give people dares that I thought were unethical, such as the cumming on roommates belongings, but I would quite happily have my life controlled, or control someone else's.

I guess the boundaries of each person are different, everyone's brains will be "wired" slightly differently. But I see where you are coming from, definitely correct.

~BJ~

[elf_ears]

I think anything that could have a negative impact on other people against their consent shouldn't be done. For me, flashing is too far for that reason because other people might feel embarrassed, violated, even scared that you might do something more and stop them visiting that place again or going out alone at night etc. You really have to think of how things could affect people.


I have been tempted to do dares that involve me sending anonymous nudes to people I know but never went through with it, partly because of how it could impact the other person.

[Iodine]

Originally Posted by elf_ears

I think anything that could have a negative impact on other people against their consent shouldn't be done. For me, flashing is too far for that reason because other people might feel embarrassed, violated, even scared that you might do something more and stop them visiting that place again or going out alone at night etc. You really have to think of how things could affect people.

That sums up my feelings about it in a nutshell. If its affecting people who do not give consent its going to far in my opinion.

[Happy Me]

I do think it is too far if it is involving other people who haven't consented. I also think for the most part the community here is good about that, but I think sometimes all it takes is one person speaking up? Like if someone speaks up then other people realize it.

I do see a slew of "public" dares that to me are not okay, because flashing yourself, or saying something lude to other people who have not consented is not only rude, but could possibly also hurt other people.

The girl wanting someone else to control her sex life is different too, I guess it depends on how far they take it and how honest she is with the guys that are involved?

There is another kind of public that to me takes things too far, and that is when the person doing the dare or task is putting themselves at risk of bodily harm, STD's, pregnancy, rape, or long-term emotional damage. Often those dares involve the public in some way also, and I definitely think they go over the line.

I like it when people speak up and condemn the actions that involve other people who haven't consented, I applaud those people for sure!

[MissMaria]

I completely agree, in my opinion there is and should be a line of acceptability and I feel that line is dictated by that simple thing of consent. The human mind is a powerful tool and it douse not take much to cause a huge scar in it.

In my personal experience I first started to transition between 5 - 7 years old, I was not deliberately transitioning I just knew I wanted my nails painted and to wear pretty dresses and I wanted to be called at the time Mia, I knew that was who I was. That all ended very abruptly when in a 35 minute conversation with my birth giver her partner and her partners mother convinced me I would be bullied and made it clear they would never accept it as I was "A Boy and should do boy things" so I hid and concealed myself and suffered years of depression and self loathing now at 26 years old I am only just picking up the pieces of that damage from a in compression very small section of my life.

So in my opinion consent is always key as without it even the smallest of things can do untold damage that could take years to heal from, I would also second Happy Me's example of public dares that can quickly go to far with real consequences such as bodily harm etc. it is always important to have that one person who is prepared to stand up and say have you considered this angle.

That is my opinion any way.

[Happy Me]

MissMaria: *hugggsssss* That's all.

[MissMaria]

Originally Posted by Happy Me

MissMaria: *hugggsssss* That's all.

Thank you, very welcomly accepting the hugggssss

[LitDarkness]

It's to far when it involves other people who have no prior knowledge period.
People should know in advance and be willing to be involved in a dare.

If you look at my posts, you'll notice quite a few times in public dares; be clear it is for a dare after involving people so the person can say no if they wish then it is done.

Consent is consent and doesn't get to be violated because the consent violated was dared to violate the person not giving consent.

[fromo]

I would say the limit is simply that involving someone without their convent is simply wrong, the only exception there being if they're you're 'get out' card if you get stuck in self bondage or something like that.
Risk is one thing, with the possibility of others seeing, but it's the thrill of possibly getting caught that people are after, as opposed to actually getting caught. You won't find many women who appreciate men flashing them randomly, that said most men would have no issue with a women flashing them, kind of backwards in a way really.
Otherwise though, so long as people are sure of mind and fully consenting, then I find things fine there.

[rob13]

Personally, I consider any involvement of other people without priorly obtained consent to be unethical, and my limits reflect that. For instance, I don't have public as a limit because I think it's so awful that even semi-public with very tiny chances of being caught is outside what I'm willing to do. I have all of public as a limit because if I were caught doing anything, I would feel that I had performed unethically by involving whoever caught me in a sexual act (even just by them seeing it) without consent.

This is accepted by most of society, even if not all of GetDare, which is why we have laws against public exposure, etc.

[A Little Shy]

I'm kinda inclined to agree with Rob here. I generally have kept it to myself in the past because as popular as hidden public and semi public are I thought maybe I was the only one I guess? Or that maybe I was just being prudish? Or that maybe it was my own issues with sexuality of which I have many, but seeing his opinion has given me the courage to state mine even though it probably will feel like an echo of many here XD.

The reason is i don't agree with public is like him I'm big on consent and the fact is stuff happens. Sometimes you are going to be exposed, period ...... and you never know who it's going to be in reality or how. Sure, in porn it's always that one guy or one girl who has secretly been waiting for someone to make that offer for years or who really would love to see your boobs/vagina/penis/whatever. Or at worst that one person who though they would not consent and has no interest whatsoever will get a little offended at most will just tut tut it a bit before walking off and not giving it another thought past 'kids these days' to comedic effect.

In Reality? Any public place outside your own home is going to have a wide unpredictable variety of people, not just someone's who are convenient for a dare. Sometimes it's going to be seen by a rape or molestation victim who will end up with flashbacks that trust me, they do not need. Sometimes it's a predatory who will make use of the opportunity and people will get hurt, possibly you. Sometimes it's a child who isn't emotionally equipped for it, and not in a 'think of the CHIIIIIIILLLLLDDDDDREEEEEN over drama way' but a real psychological way. We are talking beings who when they are first being potty trained will cry when they poop because they feel like it's a piece of them falling off and now a parent has to explain to that recently potty trained child a butt plug falling of...... i.e.apparently seeing a piece of someone actually fall off right in front of them.

Of course, no one can live their lives in total fear of hurting others or of becoming prey to someone else and I have no right to force my views on others... this is just my personal view and why I feel the way I do . For this reason I generally keep these thoughts to myself but not only have public as a limit but presently do not participate in assigning public dares. It's just how I feel about things. To each their own.

[MrLoboSnow]

Thank you very much to all of you for your responses, I’ve found them to be very enriching and sensible. I wish everyone here shared that same feeling. Especially thank you MissMaria for your moving story, add some hugs from me to Happy Me’s ones! I absolutely agree with you guys and with everything you said, being aware of what other people feel or what your acts might make them feel is something basic. So it should be something to always have in mind.

However (there’s always a “however”) this conversation reminded to me of a film I saw long time ago. I don’t even remember its title or what it was about, but there was a scene that really stuck to my mind, and that scene got me thinking again (that’s a bad habit of mine ). The scene was about a teacher talking to his class about homosexuality. I have to say that the filmed assumed there was in the world a lot of prejudices and discrimination against homosexuality (which is unfortunately true), but luckily in “this world” (GD) we do not have these prejudices (or less people have them), so I don’t think the argument he presented would work here, but I think you will get the idea anyway, which is the important thing at the end of the day. So he asked to his class something like: “Imagine you guys lived in a world where homosexuality was the accepted form of sexuality, and heterosexuality was forbidden and prosecuted. If you had sex with someone of the opposite sex you would go to prison. Now tell me, would you stop having sex?”

I think you get what I’m trying to say here. Take one of your greatest “Likes” and imagine it was unethical or immoral, would you be able to just stop thinking about it and not trying to fulfill your fantasy?

I want you to note that I still agree with all of you, and I think people who have unethical drives should definitely fight against them and try to dominate them, a killer doesn’t have the right to kill just because something inside him commands him to do it. However, I just wanted to put myself in these people shoes, and I’d appreciate if you did the same and tell me what you feel. Of course the easy thing to do is to just say “Yes, I’d be able to fight it and I would never do it” but I have the feeling that it’s way more difficult to actually do it than to just say it. Again I don’t have an answer and I guess there’s no correct answer. I guess no one can say for sure what he or she would do in such a situation without being there.

In any case I hope you guys are enjoying this debate as much as I am and thank you again for taking the time to read and write your opinions

LS.

[MissMaria]

Originally Posted by MrLoboSnow

“Imagine you guys lived in a world where homosexuality was the accepted form of sexuality, and heterosexuality was forbidden and prosecuted. If you had sex with someone of the opposite sex you would go to prison. Now tell me, would you stop having sex?”

I think you get what I’m trying to say here. Take one of your greatest “Likes” and imagine it was unethical or immoral, would you be able to just stop thinking about it and not trying to fulfill your fantasy?

First thank you LS, I appreciate your kind words.

Second as i explained in my story I have been in the position of being convinced by someone else that everything I am is wrong and should not be, from that experience I can say no matter how hard I tried to fight who I am I never could stop being me, every so often I would have to let the real me out as it was the only thing that stopped me from...

Anyway, you make a very valid and important point no matter what the risk of a particular fetish when we have that fetish it is a part of us, something we need, but there still needs to be balance where by if you are going to a forest for a public dare you go there a few times prior and make sure it is safe to do it there first that is what I think any way.