Hit and Run PM's

[itslate]

In the more recent past I got two PM's from potential subs. Both were really long (2 pages+) and nicely written. Actually pretty much exactly the sort of stuff you want to read as a dom and clearly no copy paste. They were quite personal and emotional, so I won't go into detail, but they made a point about how they thought we could fit together perfectly. And as you probably guessed, after that they were both *poof* gone. Both never logged on again after the day they sent me the PM, one not even in time to read my response.

Now, I'm not crying myself to sleep, but it is a bummer and kinda curious. So I thought I'd ask you guys: What do you think why this happens? I'm used to short term relationships on here ending very quickly, but with elaborate, personal PM's like these, I wonder.

[M.G]

There are a tonne of subs that 'disappear', and it is fairly common.

My 2nd online submissive 'disappeared' as well.
You can't really do anything about it nor stop it.

In my opinion;
- The idea of having a dom might have scared them off after getting an actual reply.
- Real life issues (parents/partners finding out, family issues that draws them away from the online world, etc.).
- Forgot about their accounts (tonnes of people who create an account for a few weeks and then leave it unattended).
- Some people might be fakers/people who enjoy toying with us Dom/me.

We can never know, we can only hypothesize.
However, the chances of a sub running off is fairly high (when compared to dom/me leaving their subs) as the tasks given to them might make them unhappy/turn them off from the D/s world.


Don't beat yourself over it.
(Just a simple search of these forums and blogs will show you that it is fairly common).

[LitDarkness]

My theory is people just forget. They talk to you and forget they have a account.

Or maybe bills/Internet problems and they are simply unable to contact you.

Or family finds out so they leave.

And again, toying with a Dom happens.

And I'm sure some people love playing with a Doms emotions.

Then people just want to stop doing this and don't want to say anything in order to not hurt the Doms feelings.

[Happy Me]

I did that to someone once. It was not after only the first PM, but maybe 2-3 play sessions into it. I was in the middle of playing (feet tied together, toothpaste was involved) and my ex-wife came knocking at the door, crying, suicidal and begging for me back. I closed my laptop, untied myself, cleaned up the toothpaste and answered the door. At that point I was still pretty naive about what was going on, and heartbroken about it ending, and I welcomed her in. But she was a mess, and it took all of my energy just to be around her. When she went away again she left me kind of a wreck. I didn't contact my (then) dom for a month or maybe 2 after that, but when I did I told him what happened, and he understood and was so sweet about it, so we started up again.

It has happened to me a few times too, once was after 1 day, and the guy didn't contact me for some time. When he did contact me again it turns out he had a traumatic life event that landed him in the hospital. The other time I think it was kink shame, honestly.

I think there is probably a lot of reasons people do that, but one of them I think (besides life getting in the way) is guilt. People who shouldn't be (because of significant others) or think they shouldn't be (because of kink shame) doing this have a huge pang of guilt and promise themselves they won't return.