Really confused

thuban · 01-18-2009, 10:06 AM

I am an online slave and have been for four months My Master is training me long distance since I'm not up to his standards yet, but he wants me to move in with him when I'm fully trained.

My problem is... I'm really turned on by this lifestyle, but terrified of it at the same time. It seems like any normal relationship is out the window, and dreams I have on making a family and being "normal" are gone too.

I'm very sad and confused. Part of me thinks this master slave thing is great, part of me is really sickened and saddened by it and never being treated as an equal.

Any advice would be welcome.

Smile · 01-18-2009, 10:41 AM

well in my opinion: Firstly, im sure you trust him 100% but you can never tell so be careful, although a 4 month relationship is quite good and alot of trust would be built. Secondly going to be an in person slave does not ruin anything in your life unless you let it. there is no rule saying you must stay there for the rest of your life, you are owned, get over it. you could say i just want to spend the summer there, or a week or so, say to your girlfriend or someone that your going on a business trip or something like that, and just because you are into s&m doesnt mean you cant have kids, unless you let yourself become a 100% round the clock slave then your life will be normal at the same time as a slave. dont forget that just because youve done some offline in person stuff doesnt mean that you cant an online slave too when your not there.
Hope this helps

CheshireCat_13 · 01-18-2009, 12:40 PM

You can actually have a boyfriend a master at the same time, and if both are understanding, they will be perfectly fine knowing about each other and not caring. Some of them will even collaborate on giving you tasks! Also, it is perfectly normal to be a slave and to be treated as an equal. Your master should be treating you as an equal, not in the sense that you'll give him orders as well, but as in he will listen to you when you're having problems, he won't just demand blind obedience, and he acknowledges that you're a person too. You can have a family and still be a slave. I know two married couples that live this lifestyle, and one of them has 2 kids. The slave stuff stays in the bedroom and when the kiddies aren't around. It works out great. Just make sure you develop a really strong trust bond with your master.

Good luck!

CleverGirl · 01-18-2009, 01:51 PM

Quote:

say to your girlfriend or someone that your going on a business trip or something like that

Bad idea. Very, very bad idea. Cheating will just cause more problems. It sounds like your kinda like me. I don't have a Master, but I've considered getting one to see if M/s is right for me. And so my advice is this, stop rushing things. It seems like you don't really know what you want, so take some time to really think about what you want in life, don't let the fact that you are currently in a relationship stop you from looking around and questioning it. Really, 4 months is nowheres near enough time to fully trust someone enough to fully commit to them, which it sounds like you are thinking about doing. I doubt you can fully know someone after 4 months, especially if the relationship has been limited to online. Remember, as a slave you actually have more power than your Master. You are the one who chooses to submit. You are the one that gives him/her power. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or unsure of yourself, you are totally entitled to slow things down or stop the relationship. I don't know much, but I do know that M/s is like any other realtionship: if things aren't working out, end it, and if things feel weird, question it and maybe slow things down. I suspect that I won't end up in 24/7 M/s. It's a great fantasy, and a great reality for some people, but I doubt that it will be right for me, though I won't know for certain till I try it out. You may be like me and, in the future, find someone who is dominant and into BDSM, but sticks to the bedroom and extended roleplay, rather than looking for 24/7. Like others have said, you can have a completely normal outside life, and kids, that you keep 24/7 M/s out of if it is right for you. But consider this, if you don't feel like M/s is "normal" than maybe it isn't right for you. Maybe the erotic side of it is, but not the lifestyle. Those who are in the lifestyle feel its normal for them. Furthermore, as a slave you are an equal to your Master, deserving equal respect and kindness. If your Master isn't treating you as an equal, he is a bad Master and you should get rid of him.

Merlin · 01-19-2009, 02:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thuban

[...]My problem is... I'm really turned on by this lifestyle, but terrified of it at the same time. It seems like any normal relationship is out the window, and dreams I have on making a family and being "normal" are gone too.

that doesn't have to be impossible... if both (that is the important point) want it, you can live a totally normal life even with 24/7. It all depends on the will to ...

i really see no problem with M/s and even kids... everything is posible to solve if you both are willing to... If one doesn't want it it will be as problematic as in any other form of relationship in this situation...

the important part is to find someone that has the same idea of the relationship.

So you need to think of what you want... and you need to realize there is no one way of M/s, it is always different concerning what the partners want out of it

Quote:

I'm very sad and confused. Part of me thinks this master slave thing is great, part of me is really sickened and saddened by it and never being treated as an equal.

Not treated as equal is not wrong in itself as long as you are respected.
It all also depends of course on what you see as being equal...

Every Masters is different! For some you are more equal for others you are not ... for some a normal live is posible for others not...

The way i see it (and that is not the only right way just my own way) :

I as a Master have the last word, that doesn't mean i am better just that i am in control... if there are things i am not taking in consideration or that i cant see i expect my slave to make me aware of it... that doesn't mean that she is controlling me but that she gives me the info i need to make decisions.
I am not in charge because of being superior but because i want to control and because my slave wants to accept this control.
With this control i want to make the life better for both of us, and her overall well being is as important for me as mine.

You need to understand that M/s is no yes or no ... there are as many ways of M/s as there are people out there..

CheshireCat_13 · 01-19-2009, 08:35 AM

Just listen to Merlin and read all of the threads of note...I think that they'll be more useful to you than the rest of us. Not that the rest of us don't give good advice, but, I think he and others have spent a lot of time debating these issues.

Officelover · 01-19-2009, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thuban

My problem is... I'm really turned on by this lifestyle, but terrified of it at the same time. It seems like any normal relationship is out the window, and dreams I have on making a family and being "normal" are gone too.

I'm very sad and confused. Part of me thinks this master slave thing is great, part of me is really sickened and saddened by it and never being treated as an equal.

There is no reason why you should not be able to have kids and still continue BDSM. Maybe not a 24/7 relationship, but still.

And, you should be treated as an equal. In most cases, it is just 'a game'. Both people are feeding their inermost desires, whichever they are. If you are not treated like an equal outside of the sessions, then this is a relationship problem, not a S/M problem. But, if you just fear that in the sessions themselves that you are not an equal remember that you are becoming, temporarily, a character. One who really is inferior. You can enjoy being this character all you want, and if your peformance is good you'll please your "audience" (or master, who is also a character. Bad analogie.) If you think that because you have a submissive nature that you are inferior, then remember that just because your master has a dominating nature that doesn't make him better than you.

thuban · 01-19-2009, 05:56 PM

Thanks for all your help, people. This person I'm talking to definitely wants to live the 24/7 master/slave lifestyle. Not a role playing thing here, but that IS the relationship in it's entirety.

Part of me wants that and realizes it would do me a world of good and be a good way to live. Part of me is like "what are you doing?" You weren't raised to be like this! So, thanks again, you cleared up some confusion.

freak · 01-24-2009, 12:00 AM

Well, people want different things and act different.
In my eyes a 24/7 S&M relationship is about balance, not so much about S&M, but there is a fine line between being a cunt and being in a S&M 24/7 relationship.
Alot of people dont have a clue what they are doing and never find the balance to allow the Sub to be a human too.
Find the right person and make sure they are right, if they arnt right, your not breaking any laws or rules by leaving them.
S&M is just a game in all reality.

Merlin · 01-25-2009, 03:49 PM

although i agree in most things you all said ... i cant agree with the idea that this is a game...

Dreamawake · 01-26-2009, 05:33 PM

I agree with Merlin, this is not at all a game. I think that M/s relationships are to be taken very seriously. Committing to be a slave or even a Master is a very large commitment. I feel that many people take this lifestyle as a game. But in all reality true M/s relationships are not a game. In a good relationship the Master and slave should both take things seriously and try to grow and learn new things. All M/s relationships are different. Some are in it for support, others for pleasure. Some slaves are only part time, some are 24/7. The seriousness of relationships also vary. This is just my opinion.

Anyways, being in a M/s relationship doesn't have to take over your life. You can be a M or s without it interrupting day to day activities.

Quote:

Originally Posted by thuban

Part of me is like "what are you doing?" You weren't raised to be like this!

I totally understand this, I was confused for awhile to. I really enjoy aspects of the M/s lifestyle but as stated above it is all about balance. Although, some people are very happy with a 24/7 lifestyle, it's not for everyone.

CheshireCat_13 · 01-26-2009, 05:36 PM

I think that while BDSM can be considered a game, an actual, long-term s/m relationship is to be taken seriously and not be referred to as a game. As the people above me have said, it's different for everyone. Take a bit more time and talk to your master about it. Discussion is always good.

Merlin · 01-26-2009, 07:16 PM

oh i didn't mean that it cant be a game but it is not for all. For some it is a game but for others it is something very serious and part of their personality ... important is to understand that both is in no way wrong but you should be aware that both exists...
Again it is very different from person to person.

Everything is fine as long as both sides agree with it (and are both sane enough to understand what they are doing)

CheshireCat_13 · 01-26-2009, 08:23 PM

I would hope that everyone was sane....this type of relationship is rather dangerous if one member loses their mind.

Merlin · 01-27-2009, 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CheshireCat_13

I would hope that everyone was sane....this type of relationship is rather dangerous if one member loses their mind.

Sadly that is right and this is the reason why people need to take their time to know each other...

01-18-2009, 10:06 AM	#1
thuban Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 3	Really confused I am an online slave and have been for four months My Master is training me long distance since I'm not up to his standards yet, but he wants me to move in with him when I'm fully trained. My problem is... I'm really turned on by this lifestyle, but terrified of it at the same time. It seems like any normal relationship is out the window, and dreams I have on making a family and being "normal" are gone too. I'm very sad and confused. Part of me thinks this master slave thing is great, part of me is really sickened and saddened by it and never being treated as an equal. Any advice would be welcome.

01-18-2009, 10:41 AM	#2
Smile Account Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: "I just don't give a fuck" Posts: 1,402 Blog Entries: 6	well in my opinion: Firstly, im sure you trust him 100% but you can never tell so be careful, although a 4 month relationship is quite good and alot of trust would be built. Secondly going to be an in person slave does not ruin anything in your life unless you let it. there is no rule saying you must stay there for the rest of your life, you are owned, get over it. you could say i just want to spend the summer there, or a week or so, say to your girlfriend or someone that your going on a business trip or something like that, and just because you are into s&m doesnt mean you cant have kids, unless you let yourself become a 100% round the clock slave then your life will be normal at the same time as a slave. dont forget that just because youve done some offline in person stuff doesnt mean that you cant an online slave too when your not there. Hope this helps __________________ 4 Days Left. Note: If I use "" it is meant to be as a dazed daydream look, not an insult.

01-18-2009, 12:40 PM	#3
CheshireCat_13 getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Off in the Wonderland Posts: 357	You can actually have a boyfriend a master at the same time, and if both are understanding, they will be perfectly fine knowing about each other and not caring. Some of them will even collaborate on giving you tasks! Also, it is perfectly normal to be a slave and to be treated as an equal. Your master should be treating you as an equal, not in the sense that you'll give him orders as well, but as in he will listen to you when you're having problems, he won't just demand blind obedience, and he acknowledges that you're a person too. You can have a family and still be a slave. I know two married couples that live this lifestyle, and one of them has 2 kids. The slave stuff stays in the bedroom and when the kiddies aren't around. It works out great. Just make sure you develop a really strong trust bond with your master. Good luck! __________________ I'm owned, don't even ask. Limits: Public, piss and shit, extreme pain, needles (i'm deathly afraid of them), anal. Likes: Humiliation, blindfolds, orgasm control... If you wish to talk to me you better have decent grammar. Do not mangle the english language please.

01-19-2009, 08:35 AM	#6
CheshireCat_13 getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Off in the Wonderland Posts: 357	Just listen to Merlin and read all of the threads of note...I think that they'll be more useful to you than the rest of us. Not that the rest of us don't give good advice, but, I think he and others have spent a lot of time debating these issues. __________________ I'm owned, don't even ask. Limits: Public, piss and shit, extreme pain, needles (i'm deathly afraid of them), anal. Likes: Humiliation, blindfolds, orgasm control... If you wish to talk to me you better have decent grammar. Do not mangle the english language please.

01-19-2009, 05:56 PM	#8
thuban Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 3	thanks Thanks for all your help, people. This person I'm talking to definitely wants to live the 24/7 master/slave lifestyle. Not a role playing thing here, but that IS the relationship in it's entirety. Part of me wants that and realizes it would do me a world of good and be a good way to live. Part of me is like "what are you doing?" You weren't raised to be like this! So, thanks again, you cleared up some confusion.

01-24-2009, 12:00 AM	#9
freak Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Aussie Posts: 22	Well, people want different things and act different. In my eyes a 24/7 S&M relationship is about balance, not so much about S&M, but there is a fine line between being a cunt and being in a S&M 24/7 relationship. Alot of people dont have a clue what they are doing and never find the balance to allow the Sub to be a human too. Find the right person and make sure they are right, if they arnt right, your not breaking any laws or rules by leaving them. S&M is just a game in all reality. __________________ 21/M/AU.. Another S&M fan. Add me to MSN if you're 17+!!! --

01-25-2009, 03:49 PM	#10
Merlin Misschievous's Authority Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Germany Posts: 1,552	although i agree in most things you all said ... i cant agree with the idea that this is a game... __________________ Looking for female sub or couple (updated Version) Merlin's Magic Tower of Decision

01-26-2009, 05:36 PM	#12
CheshireCat_13 getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Off in the Wonderland Posts: 357	I think that while BDSM can be considered a game, an actual, long-term s/m relationship is to be taken seriously and not be referred to as a game. As the people above me have said, it's different for everyone. Take a bit more time and talk to your master about it. Discussion is always good. __________________ I'm owned, don't even ask. Limits: Public, piss and shit, extreme pain, needles (i'm deathly afraid of them), anal. Likes: Humiliation, blindfolds, orgasm control... If you wish to talk to me you better have decent grammar. Do not mangle the english language please.

01-26-2009, 07:16 PM	#13
Merlin Misschievous's Authority Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Germany Posts: 1,552	oh i didn't mean that it cant be a game but it is not for all. For some it is a game but for others it is something very serious and part of their personality ... important is to understand that both is in no way wrong but you should be aware that both exists... Again it is very different from person to person. Everything is fine as long as both sides agree with it (and are both sane enough to understand what they are doing) __________________ Looking for female sub or couple (updated Version) Merlin's Magic Tower of Decision

01-26-2009, 08:23 PM	#14
CheshireCat_13 getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Off in the Wonderland Posts: 357	I would hope that everyone was sane....this type of relationship is rather dangerous if one member loses their mind. __________________ I'm owned, don't even ask. Limits: Public, piss and shit, extreme pain, needles (i'm deathly afraid of them), anal. Likes: Humiliation, blindfolds, orgasm control... If you wish to talk to me you better have decent grammar. Do not mangle the english language please.