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A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
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Betrayal & Hurt

Posted Yesterday at 08:43 PM by Butterfly (The Butterfly Effect)

Today I found out that a long term kink friend of mine has been lying to me for years, but he has been especially deceitful the past 2 months. My heart hurts. Not only for myself, but for the other persons involved.

I have a big heart. I go above and beyond for my friends. I have sat up all night to be emotional support for my people. I take time to do little things to make them feel wanted, and loved (dropping off flowers to my best friend just because or sending a quick note in the
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Race to 50 edges

Posted 06-10-2022 at 07:13 PM by Butterfly (The Butterfly Effect)

Yesterday I had the day free from work and had planned to stay in bed as long as I could. I have been feeling pretty burnt out and needed some self care time. This plan had originally included porn, edging and some a few orgasms, but when I mentioned this to the Dom that I have been casually playing with, he teased me with the idea that he might prohibit me from touching myself all day. Of course this made me very pouty and also even more horny. I was instructed to check in with him when I woke up and...
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Being a Toy

Posted 06-09-2022 at 02:50 PM by Butterfly (The Butterfly Effect)

I have been playing casually with a Dom for the last few weeks. One of the things he has imposed is the name "Toy" for me. It hasn't been something that is easy for me. I have fought against it at times and because of this, I was given an assignment to think about the characteristics that describe a toy and explain how I share the same attributes.

Here is what I came up with:

A toy is fun to play with.
I am a ball of fun. I love to make people laugh and
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Just a few submissive fantasies ...

Posted 05-22-2022 at 08:33 PM by Butterfly (The Butterfly Effect)

Breath play
Breath play has always been something that I have said was outside my risk profile, however, I have always found porn with themes of breath play really hot. Lately I have been fantasizing about exploring breath play just a bit irl. Maybe I would be sitting at my computer, doing some work, and he would appear and with the simple command "hold your breath", I would stop breathing and wait desperately for him to allow me to take a breath. An even more exciting scenario is being
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I got a puppy!!!

Posted 05-22-2022 at 09:13 AM by Butterfly (The Butterfly Effect)

For anybody who knows me to any degree, probably knows that I have always wanted a puppy. I even wrote a blog about it here.

However, for some reason the grown ups in my life have always voted against me and told me that I am not old enough (even though that is complete BS since I am a responsible grown up!) Instead, I have been blessed with three kitties, out Pasta Cats.


(Spaghetti, Fettucine & Penne)

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Heartbreak

Posted 05-21-2022 at 12:42 PM by Butterfly (The Butterfly Effect)

I have struggled to write this blog for over a week now. I am still numb but also very deeply hurt. After 2.5 years, Gerbil.boy and I are no longer together.

I don't regret loving him. I don't hate him. I don't think I ever could. But knowing that I had invested more in the relationship than he ever could, and that the decision to walk away from me seemed to come so easily to him ... it hurts.

I wouldn't change the fact that I gave my heart to him. It's what I do. I wear
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Release

Posted 05-08-2022 at 11:10 PM by Butterfly (The Butterfly Effect)

*trigger warning - self harm*

Sometimes life can feel overwhelming. It's been a bumpy road - as life is. The beginning of this year has been extra bumpy.

I have had to be brave, strong, dependant, responsible and all adulty for a long time. The emotions have built up. Between work and home it seems to be never ending. I am constantly in the driver's seat. I crave release.

Today is Mother's Day and it is such a hard day for me. But I haven't shared that with...
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