To me, it sounds like you are describing more of an M/s relationship. In D/s, subs do hold some of the power. Notice I said SOME and not ALL. The only way a D/s relationship can occur is if one party is willing to be dominant and one is willing to be submissive. So yes, Doms need to take control of the submissive, to the extent that the submissive allows them to. Either party can end the relationship at anytime, either party can share their thoughts and feelings.

Furthermore, in my view (again stressing that this is my opinion only), safewords are always always always needed. No matter how well you know each other. Safewords are important when you are pushing limits, even if you think you are never going to use it. Also thinks like likes/limits/dislikes can change anytime, so this is an ongoing discussion that needs to happen.

That is absolutely the perfect way for D/s to work for me (not saying this is right for everybody, or ANYBODY other than me).

There's definitely a different between D/s and M/s. Especially M/s that incorporate total power exchange.

As for my personal D/s, I will refer you to this.
Basically, I hold most of the power and control.
It started out more equally... but my dom (and boyfriend, coincidentally) is wrapped around my little finger.

Bottom line to a slave is not what pleases them, even to a lot of subs it's not about what pleases them.

It's about the Dominant being pleased.

You seriously need to learn the difference between submissive and slave, even just recognise there is a difference. Not doing so leads to very misinformed and incorrect posts that, god forbid, someone might listen to.

Doms have the power to do this too. They can also call out a safeword (I haven't done this specifically, but I've had to stop proceedings before due to being uncomfortable with the level asked of me), and, ultimately, decide what it is they do. I think you're mixing up 'power' with 'being in a relationship based upon mutual respect'.

In my eyes, the whole point of the D/S dynamic is that a power exchange happens. In this case the sub willingly gives up control/power in the act. That's not to say that they have the ultimate power over what's happening - there needs to be someone willing to submit and someone willing to dominate for the exchange to happen. Neither is 'easy' - it comes down to where your preference/nature lies.

So yes, the sub holds 'power'/'control'/'respect' (whatever term you want to give it) in the relationship. This is how normal, functioning relationships work. However, in the act of BDSM, the sub holds little - no power. I concede that safewords are a thing that give power over stopping an act, but likewise a dom won't do what they're not comfortable with. Ideally, likes/loves and limits/hates should have already been discussed, and with time you'll come to have a deep understanding of them, meaning that a safeword isn't necessary.

Sorry if this got preachy. I appreciate everyone has an opinion. I thought I'd just give mine in a little depth this time.

People confuse "in control" and power to often. Being in control or dominant is something that most people can do easily. To take over a conversation, to decided what the family has for dinner etc. That is not power. The true power is to allow yourself to be open and free with someone.

Being in a dominant role in a relationship give me the opportunity to control the setting, activities or whatever, but the submissive is in control on whether they choose to do it. These are choices and roles and not power.

The true power is the relationship. The openness, the vulnerability, the trust, the intimacy and the love. That is the true power.

Just my opinion.

This.
Exactly this.

If this blog had simply referenced subs I would have agreed more but this is not true of a slave.

Well said you lovely girl.

I'm a big advocate on the position that subs hold power in a d/s relationship. I agree with you to an extent. Subs hold a safeword that can stop play if they are in distress. They also have the right to walk away at any time if they are unhappy. These two things are very powerful and give the sub a lot of control. Because ultimately they are in control of their submission. However, in a d/s dynamic, the Dom has to hold more power and control over the sub in order for it to satisfy both the dom and sub. However again, I feel as though the sub is in charge of his/her submission. The dom can demand things and make rules but it is the sub who chooses to follow them.

I also agree with Saddi. This dynamic changes in a M/s relationship. To me (and a lot of people), a slave is very different from a sub. A slave still may have their own limits and likes, but their Master or Mistress makes more decision based on what will please them, and the slave will do it.

Some people use the word sub and slave interchangeably but they are very different.

I still believe that even slaves hold a great power, and that is the ability to walk away and end the relationship.

I have to disagree.
Sure this is true in some cases but not all.

Mumbles does not hold the same amount of control that I do.
Sure she has likes and dislikes, but its my likes and dislikes that we play out.
I control her life (food, exercise, money, free time, studying, sex life, and so on). How does she have equal control of those?

I have completely formed Mumbles into who I want and what I want. She has changed a hell of a lot from when I first met her (and also so have I). In our D/s relationship we both believe it has been what is right and what is best for both of us.

Not everyone fits into the cookie cutter and that is okay.

Ps.
There indicates a place. (Opposite of here)
Their is belonging to someone, a possession.
They're is the same as they are.

I liked reading that! I hope you keep an eye on her well-being all the time. Good luck to you!

I AM happy that SS and MD are happy together and I hope it lasts a long time. I am sorry that it wasn't pointed out the forst time and I am sorry that your blog was a bit unclear and we misunderstood.

Like Lizzy said we were merely reacting to the statement that implied that being a rebellious sub makes her a bad sub. I can't speak for everybody but I get very touchy on the subject. I am told on many occasions either through comments that imply it or directly, that because of my playful and cheeky personality I am not a good sub. I know through her past blogs and conversations with her that Lizzy has struggled with this as well. It may be that I am/we are a bit sensitive to that subject and we're merely trying to share those thoughts before the same thing happened to SS. Either way it did what we wanted it to and it sparked a discussion.

Perhaps based on previous blogs and what MD has previously said? And the last line DOES sound that way. He doesn't outrightly say rebellion is bad, but the sentence alludes to it. I get what he's saying now, and apologized to him for misunderstanding. STILL... let me simplify the original sentence for you. He says, "Will that change Can that change? Certainly as she has said she rebels at times." Will she? Certainly, she rebels at times.
I don't know about you, but in English, we call that cause and effect. How could you make that sentence mean good things? Please show me.

Spot on there Jah. Reading down this for the first time I was getting a little bit irked. Seemed to me that people were complaining about the kind of personality he likes by imposing their own personalities into their dynamic. Of course it's not going to fit right then.

Essentially, if it works for these guys then it works. No-one's asking anyone else to submit to MD, so if SS is happy then all's good here.

I quote from myself
''And no where he states that a bit of a rebel isn't a good sub, maybe he means it changes for the better, or for the worse, it can also mean that he is afraid she will turn out to be so rebbelious that he ends on the painful side of the whip.''

Indeed you could take that sentence to the bad side, but also to the better. Nowhere did he directly state that not obedient is bad. It's just the way how you interpret it.

Missed your comment! That does make sense. It didn't read that way though. It read like you expected things to go bad with rebellion. Sometimes, it's hard to communicate exactly what we mean. So, apologies for misunderstanding.

Did you not read the last line? Unless he didn't mean it that way, which in that case: Sorry, MasterDaddy!
He says that's she's a good sub NOW. And then states that it can change and might because she claims to be rebellious. He's insinuating that rebellion would make her a bad sub. If I was the sub, that line would make me feel highly insecure. I was merely pointing out that rebellion wouldn't necessarily make her a bad sub, but rather a real person. Occasionally rebelling can be healthy, sometimes the fantasy can get to the Dom's head and some conflict can help bring him
back down to earth. Also, personal tastes are just that. They can "Yes, Sir" all they want. They don't need to have a cheeky relationship. I just don't see the need for pointing out potential failure in a, "good job, subby, blog!". I can't speak for everyone else, but I certainly wasn't fishing for conflict. I honestly want to know: How would some rebellion make her a bad submissive?

Edit: I missed MD's explanation. And you posted AFTER it. Hmm. However, all of this ^^ still stands. The blog reads exactly this way.

MasterDaddy and Sparklystar,
I am very glad that you're having a good time!

Sorry guys, but in my opinion you are just fishing for conflict. This guy wrote a blog about how happy he is with his new sub and Sparkly seems to be happy with her dom reading her comment here and her blog. Only TKWS congratulated him on this. The rest of you falls over this last sentence that is a bit odd. And no where he states that a bit of a rebel isn't a good sub, maybe he means it changes for the better, or for the worse, it can also mean that he is afraid she will turn out to be so rebbelious that he ends on the painful side of the whip.
And even if he only liked "yes sir" subs, what do you care? If it works for him and he doesn't hurt anyone why care? It's just his opinion, you don't all come running over to me to tell me how blondes can be cute and handsome too when I say I highly prefer brunettes.

Thank you Sir, it means a lot that you are happy with my attitude.
In terms of what you are all saying, I have a rebellious side occasionally (not often mind) but the rebellious side usual leads to a different day for me as a sub because I become less likely to kick my heels in and react. I know for a fact that Master is just looking forward to seeing how different I can be and how to go about dealing with it.

Hmm I do the same things with Cent plus a lot of whining. When I'm on the sub end.

I wouldn't be a consider subbing if it had to be yes sir stuff.

I call Asslvr names, I tell him he sucks, I say "No", but at the end of the day, I always obey him and follow the rules (or guidelines) that he has given me.

Just today I was talking to somebody and told him that Asslvr was too weak to resist my super cute voice and I could convince him to give him my way ... that doesn't make me a bad sub, it is just who I am. I am cheeky, and playful and I like to laugh and make other laugh too. Not to mention it is the truth, he really can't resist me :P

I cannot and will not be a "yes sir" robot. That is not who I am and if that is what I had to do, I would rather not be a sub at all. I am so happy I have found an amazing Dom who can put up with my shenanigans and who loves me BECAUSE of it.

I am super rebellious. But Almost does this really great eyebrow thing whenever I do things he dislikes. And he knows the eyebrow thing makes me gooey. So he probably really wants me to rebel, otherwise he wouldn't give me eyebrow things and dots. Which makes me a good sub since I'm giving him plenty of opportunities to please me.

I don't mean this as pointed criticism of you MD, but a general comment/question derived from my years of observation while involved in d/s. I must include a rider that while there are as many different personalities out there as there are different subs, this comment/question holds true for a large number. The comment/question is:

Why is the prospect of a sub having an independent spirit (which can be seen by some as being rebellious, or cheeky, or bratty) taken so seriously and negatively by so many doms? Is it a lack of self-confidence? Do they have so little self belief that this is all it takes to challenge them, to knock them from their self erected pedestal of superiority?

Subs are people, and if we don't allow them to express their personality, they either wither as a person, or they leave to look for another who will allow them to be themselves. Or worse, they leave the d/s scene under the mistaken belief that this is all there is.

My view? Be cheeky - Have a personality - I love it. I love it in my Tink, and I love it in other subs.

I rebel all the time, it is just part of my personality. Doesn't make me a bad sub.

Does rebelling really make a sub bad? Or just a real person?