Is a person ever truly ready to submit in that way that they find themselves fully prepared? The one where life never interferes and health, emotions, and circumstances are less than optimal? From personal experience, life is a mother fucking roller coaster. You know what a good dominant does? Cares for you and is quite willing to take a back seat and just be there for you until you get it sorted.
Life is busy and messy, but also goddamn beautiful. I wouldn't want my submission to be so unrealistic that it can't handle being real. I have finals and serious health issues and cranky days. I get hungry and snap, get tired and need naps. Wanna know what my most wonderful guy does? Encourages me to eat, offers comforting words, makes me laugh, gives me orgasms, means all the nice things he says, and reads me to sleep. He doesn't get pissy when I hang up, he makes sure I know he's there. goshdarn. When is he waking up? Oh wait, I can just call!

As NLG said, I'm glad you're sharing from your previous experience of not understanding.

PS- I kinda just commented because I needed to share in that true understanding of what a fanfuckingtastic Dom I managed to tie up!

Yes, that certainly is the definition of rushing.

Although I think it's also good to try things and allow for a chance to re-evaluate and adjust as necessary, since no one can infallibly predict the future.

Very true. And so good of you to own up to your perhaps poor judgement calls like these so others can learn from your mistakes. Thank you for sharing your insight!

Thanks, Butterfly! It helped me a lot!

I thought I would just try and be helpful and fix a few mistakes in your blog to make it easier to understand for other readers. It may also help you to know where some of your mistakes are for the future. After all, it is important to learn from our mistakes.

I was invited to a party over the weekend. The purpose of the party was to celebrate a friends birthday. At first it was fun, but then it was getting out of hand. It is still hard around that date.

Everybody had their own way to handle grief. I have friends who will get high, some who will help the homeless and others who get away. I, on the other hand, go to the cemetery and lay flowers at his grave. He loved flowers, especially carnations. There was just something about the smell and beauty of them.

In this day and age, everything changes when traditions die. Like the values that once were so important in life are not that important anymore. It is sad to see them disappearing. I do have friends who have kept the traditions going in memory of their loved ones, but then there are others who have broken away and don't really care. In their minds, it just doesn't matter or mean anything anymore.

Life can really hurt each person in their own way. Just look around. My friends don't work on the holidays, but their staff does. It is that privilege and power control that allows them to call the shots in other peoples lives.

(Last paragraph didn't make sense, so hopefully I translated it ok.)

...ok... I guess

I just have a question and a statement...

1. Why is every single blog post of yours a Re:? Are they actually a response to somebody/something?

2. If someone continuly, or even once, forces you to do something that you do not want to do.. It probally time to find somebody who cares more for the person/people who sub to them. A good dom, I think ( maybe I'm wrong) should never force their sub to do something thet do not want to do...

MD, I understood what you said that sometimes a sub isn't ready to open up but their dom or Master forces them to when their not ready.

+1, I know its hard to hear that and somewhat frustrating when someone says it but damnit I cannot decipher what you are trying to say most of the time.

Please, for the love of all that's holy, PLEASE stop saying you were misunderstood. Either learn basic grammar and syntax of the language you claim you're a native speaker of, or proofread what you say and try to think how it will be interpreted by a reasonable person.

Sometimes even the best thought out blogs get slightly misinterpreted, but how many of yours have you had to backtrack on? You're clearly not learning from your mistakes.

You REALLY need to watch how you word things. I agree that to an extent it is the Dom's responsibility to put their own needs to the side and do what's best for their sub. However, the way you speak of subs in the beginning of this blog comes across so negatively.

I think being submissive wasn't a choice, I think it's part of what makes me, me. It's important to note that not everyone feels that way, and it definitely wasn't forced on me. Was being Dominant forced on you? How would you feel if someone suggested it was? That sounds like it was completely against my will and unwelcomed.

Sure, at times it makes my life a little more complicated. It's hard sometimes to have to hide this part of who I am from some of the people I love, but the whole beginning of your blog makes it seem like being submissive is somehow more negative than being dominant, and that couldn't be farther from the truth.

When you're on such thin ice with this community, you need to take your own advice and "stop and truly think."

It's fine. Everyone reacts differently and rash decisions can be made. I totally understand where you are coming from and I accept the apology

Well, some people make mistakes that are bloody mean and hurtful to others. Maybe they should 'stop and truly think about it', hm? Apoligize and get their act together before they do D/s? In that true understanding.

This is the part I found most interesting. Everybody makes mistakes in life but it is how you fix your mistakes and move on that is the most telling about a person. At the end of the day you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and be happy with the type of person you are.

Very kind words. I am sorry it didn't work out between the two of you but I'm glad you are able to see some positives from your time together and I wish you both luck in the future.

I have to say, sometimes real life happens, sometimes emotions happen, sometimes a dom/domme has to look at the rules he/she has set for their sub and make decisions based on reality and real life. In order to make a D/s relationship work for a long period of time concessions must be made, rules must be attainable on a daily basis, if not, it's only a matter of time until feelings of discouragement and resentment set in. I won't pretend to know everything about how a relationship should work, but I think you might want to have a look at your expectations, then have a nice long talk with sparklystar and figure out what will work best for both of you to achieve your goals. There has to be give and take, even in a D/s relationship.

I'm pulling for you guys

I think ultimately this about consent.

I don't see how any dominant, whether in M/s or D/s, can have any measure of control or genuine power in the submissive or slave's life unless the submissive or slave consents to it. If at any time the control is taken and not given, if the dominant in whatever dynamic is running roughshod over the submissive's will where they have not been given that right (and vice versa - submissives can impose things on or subject their dominants to things they didn't agree to either) then I would argue it isn't M/s or D/s, it's at best abuse and at worst rape.

I give my submission, my obedience, to Wardell, and as such he is my Dom and has control over me, and I am his sub and I obey him. I can always choose not to; I always have the ability, the power (although I'm not entirely sure about the appropriateness of that word), to say no, to go my own way, to withdraw my submission, and remove myself from being under his dominance. Similarly, Wardell can always choose to withdraw his dominance from my life. Our relationship continues because we both continually choose one another. But my being Wardell's submissive comes from me relinquishing/giving my submission to him and him exercising his dominance over me - it's both/and, not a "which comes first, the chicken or the egg?" kind of situation. So in a sense, yeah, I do have power, I do have control, and I always retain a bit of it because I have free will like everybody else. And to be really blunt, if at any point our relationship became something I quite clearly did not want, then I would walk away, and I know Wardell would too (and that's an unhappy thought, so let's move on).

For me, being a submissive is not so much about retaining control as giving it up - and understand that there are limits to how much control I am willing to give up even with Wardell. There are certain areas of my life that are exempt from his domination because it isn't what suits us; however, there are areas, our sessions, my training, etc., which are definitively under Wardell's control. I like what kittenlyss said about the lines being somewhat fuzzy; they depend on the relationship, and there's a massive spectrum with any number of nuances in areas apart from just control in both D/s and M/s that differentiate the two dynamics (and then there are other dynamics in addition to those, and things get complicated).

I agree with Saddi that pleasing the dominant is a huge part of the dynamic, but I think it goes both ways, just not always as overtly. Pleasing Wardell as my Dom is what makes me happy as his sub. If he's pleased, I'm pleased - and Wardell has made it quite clear that it works the other way around too This too often varies between relationships, and of course if overall either person is not pleased by the relationship (I'm not talking "pleasured," I mean dissatisfied, abused, etc.), then odds are they're going to leave it and look elsewhere for the relationship that's right for them. But, and I know it isn't the same way for everyone (and that's truly brilliant), I am most pleased when I give my Dom the most control over me, when I am most fully and deeply submitted to him, when I am most focused on pleasing him and meeting his needs and desires; and it works incredibly well because then not only am I pleased because he's pleased, but because while I'm focused on him, he is focused on me. That's why "dynamic" is so appropriate for D/s and M/s, because there is such a wonderful give and take that goes beyond just the issue of control. And now I'm rambling...

I personally think of M/s as very different from D/s. There's a reason I don't identify as a slave. But I would like to point out that the line is not as clearly defined as we sometimes think. There are slaves with more freedoms than some submissives and some sub's with stricter rules than most slaves. While the terms are not interchangeable, they also mean different things to different people.

I don't really think about my D/s in terms of who is actually in control, or even who has the majority of it. I guess he technically has the most since he has veto and approval power. Whereas I only have veto power. But without me there to submit to him, he wouldn't be dominating anyone. And without him to dominate me, I wouldn't be submitting. So I see it as a cozy symbiotic arrangement. I don't think either one of us is ultimately controlling the other because we both need each other to fulfill our own desires. But, hey, I'm aware I'm usually a bit different. So your relationship is likely arranged otherwise.