I had a revelation the other day, as I often do. You see, I am very self aware and I work hard at understanding myself. It frustrates me when I can't explain why I feel a certain away or why I do a certain thing. But it happens. I try not to beat myself up about it, and eventually the pieces come together and I figure it out.

The other day I was talking to Jaro about one of my current rolls on my Landing on 28 birthday task. It was edge in 3 different public places. When I first rolled...

As I was on the phone with my Dom tonight, we were discussing the tasks in my Landing on 28 Birthday challenge. I mentioned that I was dreading some of the tasks and we through those tasks together and I explained which ones I was dreading.

A few times Mr. Rainbow giggled about the tasks, because he knew how evil they were. But I was starting to giggle too, because I was already thinking of some bratty ideas to make the tasks a little "easier", or at least a lot more fun. Of...

I have had a vanilla bucket list for years, but just decided to create a kinky one. As I make my way through, I will indicate which ones I have completed. (Click the links to the read the reports on the ones that I have tried)

* Build and try a tack bra - Step #1 Report
* Have a threesome with another girl
* Try my anchor plug
* Be spanked so hard that I have a bruised ass
* Try a fucking machine
* Try a Sybian
* Explore breast bondage
...

I am doubting myself and I really needed a safe place to put my thoughts down and get them out, even if they are nonsensical.

I know I have defended myself as a sub before. I have said that no matter how I act, I truly am submissive and I am a good sub. I just need the right Dom. But I am starting to doubt myself ...

I am bratty and stubborn and independent. I like to say no and try to negotiate on tasks. I have numerous and strict limits, more so than other people. I...

I posted a blog not too long ago about The Butterfly Project. You can read it here if you are interested.

The gist is, when you get the urge to self harm, you draw a butterfly on yourself.

Ever since I have been aware of this project, I have been very inspired. I want to do anything I can to support those who are going through things I have struggled with for years.

Even though I've been in a better place, sometimes the urges just creep up on me. That is...

Sometimes I feel invisible ... even when I am in the middle of a bunch of people, I can feel alone. This week has been especially bad.

Sometimes it feels like even when I am heard, I am not being listened to. I say words, and they are ignored, or they go in one ear and out the other. I ask questions and get no answers, or I give instructions and they aren't heard, or misheard. It is when this happens over and over that it becomes overwhelming.

Sometimes I feel like I have...

I am very picky when it comes to choosing a Dom. And it makes it even worse because I have been spoiled by having one of the best Doms in the world as my husband: Asslvr!

I posted an ad a few weeks ago looking for a part time/temporary Dom. To be honest, I don't even know what that means!

What I do know, is that I need somebody who is going to be caring. I want somebody who will say nice things when I am feeling sick, who will not run away when I cry, who will ask me how...