Little questionnaire for Doms to answer

Posted 09-10-2022 at 07:07 AM by pluky
Updated 09-15-2022 at 04:43 PM by pluky

I made one for Subs so I thought I could come up with questions for Doms now. Sadly no Kik this time for sharing the answers, so it has to be here if you want to answer them.

1- would a Sub being sensitive (low pain threshold, cries a lot, ...) be a pro or a con to you ?

2- do you ever dream about your Sub ?

3- do you usually self stimulate while ordering your Sub around, or rather at a different time ?

4- are there personality types that you prefer in a Sub (shy serious type, joyful and kind, confident and cocky, ...) ? Cause I've seen some cases where someone has a fetish for a type

5- would knowing that a Sub has any kind of mental health concerns (depression, past trauma, or other conditions that are under control) be a problem for you ? Would it be a turn off, or a reason to hold back too much ?

6- have you ever treated a Sub in a way that you regretted later ?

7- do you ever try to "get a taste of your own medicine" (like trying the tortures that you expect the Sub to endure to know what it feels like) ?

Posted in Interacting with the community

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So I am a switch so I am going to answer this one as well ...

1. I am not sure if it is a pro or con to be honest. I am a sadist so I enjoy seeing my sub suffer in all kinds of ways. There would be positives and negatives to both option. If they had a high tolerance for pain etc. then it means I could spend more time torturing them and enjoying their suffering. However, if they were sensitive, I could easily torture them and get instant gratification.

2. Jaro and I have been together for almost 6 years. I have dreamt about him many times both in vanilla and sexy/kinky settings.

3. I would say 99% of the time I will focus solely on my sub while we are playing. However, we have also done play sessions where my sub is listening to me pleasure myself and either I cum without him while he listens, or we cum together.

4. I don't do cocky or entitled. Otherwise, it is more so making sure we get on outside of kink/a dynamic. I like bantering and being playful, somebody who is honest and open and good at communication.

5. It is not a turn on or a turn off. However, knowing about mental health conditions (or physical conditions), would alter the way that I play. I wouldn't necessarily hold back, I would just cater to the conditions and pace myself accordingly.

6. I take my responsibility as a Domme very seriously. With great power comes great responsibility. I think things through quiet a bit and while things may not have turned out the way I would hope or expected, I rarely ever have regrets. However, the first time I had a long term sub, my husband and I were in the midst of moving in together. Our relationship was a lot of fun, but he just needed more attention than I could provide. I have felt bad for ending that relationship to focus on my other relationship.

7. I am a switch so I have experienced both sides. A lot of things that I assign to my sub, I have experienced myself already. I have also said both that I am glad that I don't have a Dom like me, but also have said the opposite and wished for a Dom with some of my traits.

However, in the spirit of the question, when I do have a Dom, I let my sub talk to them if he wants to and he is allowed to share ideas. That has, in the past, turned out to be using my own tortures, rules or philosophy's against me.

Posted 09-10-2022 at 08:34 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

Quote:

Originally Posted by Butterfly

7. I am a switch so I have experienced both sides. A lot of things that I assign to my sub, I have experienced myself already. I have also said both that I am glad that I don't have a Dom like me, but also have said the opposite and wished for a Dom with some of my traits.

However, in the spirit of the question, when I do have a Dom, I let my sub talk to them if he wants to and he is allowed to share ideas. That has, in the past, turned out to be using my own tortures, rules or philosophy's against me.

That last part sounds terrifying, it sounds like whatever you do to them you might just have to endure yourself / will be used against you haha

Personally I am a Switch but my Masochism does not compare at all with my almost non existent Sadism so I wouldn't wish to inflict half the things I like to endure, to someone else, I would feel bad for them xD

Posted 09-10-2022 at 08:49 AM by pluky pluky is offline

1- would a Sub being sensitive (low pain threshold, cries a lot, ...) be a pro or a con to you ?
I wouldn't say it would be a pro or a con, it's just what I have to work with and adjust to accordingly. I've had subs in the past with really high pain tolerances though, which can be fun for some things but also a lot more work for other things. If they're sensitive then I'd just make sure to be more careful with things and give them the proper aftercare accordingly.

2- do you ever dream about your Sub ?
While I dont have a sub currently, yes I have had both kink related and "normal" (as if dreams are ever normal lol) dreams with them in it

3- do you usually self stimulate while ordering your Sub around, or rather at a different time ?
I usually prefer to do that at a later time when Im not focusing on them. There are exceptions though if it's something like tease and denial and part of the play is to make it known to them.

4- are there personality types that you prefer in a Sub (shy serious type, joyful and kind, confident and cocky, ...) ? Cause I've seen some cases where someone has a fetish for a type
I tend to like sweet/kind subs. Occasional brattiness is okay. I dont think I really have a fetish for any specific kind, it just comes down more to our chemistry as people together.

5- would knowing that a Sub has any kind of mental health concerns (depression, past trauma, or other conditions that are under control) be a problem for you ? Would it be a turn off, or a reason to hold back too much ?
That wouldn't bother me, it's actually quite common in this scene as far as my experiences go. Knowing about them and their severity/how they manifest are important to being able to get inside my subs head and being able to help them through episodes I think. But Doms are not psychologists (at least most of them, and those that are should know better than to clientize their personal relationships) and so it would be important to me to help my sub also work towards getting proper treatment for their issues if they're that severe as to make life difficult on the daily.

6- have you ever treated a Sub in a way that you regretted later ?
No, I take the role of Dom very seriously and don't take on just anyone. I also tend to lean towards the caregiver side of things a lot so more often than not I like to gentle and caring, but firm when it comes to discipline needed.

7- do you ever try to "get a taste of your own medicine" (like trying the tortures that you expect the Sub to endure to know what it feels like) ?
Oh, always. I consider myself a switch (being much more dom leaning) but even so, safety is always a concern. Aside from safety though, even just from a practical standpoint it's important to know exactly what you're doing to or inflicting on your sub. I've gone to BDSM seminars and classes in real life, and at many of the various stations teaching you the proper technique for things (flogging, spanking, paddling, etc..) they offer and encourage you to see how it feels at varying levels of intensity so you knowhow certain instruments feel.

Posted 09-10-2022 at 12:49 PM by Ninjota Ninjota is offline

1- would a Sub being sensitive (low pain threshold, cries a lot, ...) be a pro or a con to you ?

If i had the choice i would prefer a sub that is not crying a lot but not to the point where it would really matter in the end. To the pain threshold i really don't care that much , for me it is about causing feelings and if that happens faster or later just means some adjusting but not really anything important. I also had subs that were not masochistic before and while i can enjoy pain it is nothing that i "need" per see

2- do you ever dream about your Sub ?

For sure, in general only with a sub i know for long (months to years) and/or have strong feelings for

3- do you usually self stimulate while ordering your Sub around, or rather at a different time?

Depends , when i know the sub well then yes for online and i let her do it offline, especially with subs i don't know yet i don't in general, as i concentrate on other things. Once i know a sub well though i do or let her do it.

4- are there personality types that you prefer in a Sub (shy serious type, joyful and kind, confident and cocky, ...) ? Cause I've seen some cases where someone has a fetish for a type

I enjoy playful, fun, eager, pleasing focused, kind, honest, relaxed, confident, shy can be fun too.
Combative, cocky, very demanding, fighting against me, manipulative are turn offs
Non reaches a fetish level...

5- would knowing that a Sub has any kind of mental health concerns (depression, past trauma, or other conditions that are under control) be a problem for you ? Would it be a turn off, or a reason to hold back too much ?

I work with people that have such problems and had a depression myself. So in general I would be fine with it as long as i see that they are cared for professionally. Would i adjust to it if i knew? Yes most likely, not sure i would say hold back but be more careful.

6- have you ever treated a Sub in a way that you regretted later ?

For sure, especially when i was younger but it can always happen that i mess up. No person is perfect, including Doms, a person that does think they will not make failures is a danger. It had hit me rather hard before, but i always tried to make up for it as far as i am able to. Watching out for things like that and trying my best to avoid it is very important for me, part of the reason i prefer to go slow and give things time (and also why i avoid to much sexual arousal with new subs like i answered to the question before)

7- do you ever try to "get a taste of your own medicine" (like trying the tortures that you expect the Sub to endure to know what it feels like) ?

Tasks? no, would not help me, i rather prefer to go slow and talk with subs a lot about it. Individual things? Yes. I try out implements on me a few times in general to get an idea of the pain and intensity or tried bindings on myself before. I am not able to get in a submissive mindset so that part i can not test. But technical things i do try if i feel i need the information.
Although talking with subs has given me far more information over the years

Posted 09-10-2022 at 03:02 PM by Merlin Merlin is offline

Updated 09-10-2022 at 03:08 PM by Merlin

1- would a Sub being sensitive (low pain threshold, cries a lot, ...) be a pro or a con to you ?

It's neither. I can imagine that there are doms who are not flexible enough to accommodate a sub's specific traits, but for me and for most doms I have talked with, this is not a deal-breaker. A good dom should be flexible enough to accomodate the needs to the sub.

2- do you ever dream about your Sub ?

Yes. When I am in a IRL relationship, that happens pretty often. With online only, it has never happened.

3- do you usually self stimulate while ordering your Sub around, or rather at a different time ?

In the beginning of a relationship, usually no. I like to observe how the sub reacts and try to read the subtle cues of how my orders are affecting her, so I don't like to be distracted. I re-live the experience later in my head and pleasure myself. Once I get to know the sub, and we are comfortable with each other, I pleasure myself while I conduct the session.

4- are there personality types that you prefer in a Sub (shy serious type, joyful and kind, confident and cocky, ...) ? Cause I've seen some cases where someone has a fetish for a type

I prefer the shy, serious type. Shy girls hide a lot behind that facade, and it's fascinating to peel back the layers slowly without scaring her away - like taming a wild deer. I wouldn't call it a fetish, though - more of a preference. Sometimes I do like confident and cocky ones, like JapGirl and SaltyChip, for example, especially when they are intelligent and well-read.

5- would knowing that a Sub has any kind of mental health concerns (depression, past trauma, or other conditions that are under control) be a problem for you ? Would it be a turn off, or a reason to hold back too much ?

Depression is very common in subs, and I have had subs who had other conditions and traumatic experiences in the past. It works well when the sub trusts you enough to confide in those, and you can adjust to accommodate and support her needs. Having studied medicine and having done a psych rotation, I am somewhat equipped to handle depression and post-traumatic experiences.

6- have you ever treated a Sub in a way that you regretted later ?

Yes. I have sometimes over-estimated a sub's abilities to make certain changes and pushed their limits to points they weren't ready yet to push. In IRL relationships, this is easier to manage, but online relationships require better communication from both sides to avoid such situations.

7- do you ever try to "get a taste of your own medicine" (like trying the tortures that you expect the Sub to endure to know what it feels like) ?

No. I am not a switch. I enjoy domination and definitely wouldn't enjoy being dominated. As for torture, I am not a pure sadist, and the torture I inflict on subs is more focused on desperation, denial and sexually focused mental torture that is crafted specifically for each sub. Just paddling the arse for the heck of it doesn't appeal to me. So there is no way for me to experience what I inflict, other than through the sub.

PS: You could post this questionnaire in the Truth forum. You may get more responses there.

Posted 09-11-2022 at 01:10 AM by Runesmith Runesmith is offline

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluky

That last part sounds terrifying, it sounds like whatever you do to them you might just have to endure yourself / will be used against you haha

I am also more of a sadist than I am a masochist. But that is where communication comes into effect. Negotiation is key. I have a very clear list of kinks and limits that I share. I am also happy to use a safeword if needed.

Posted 09-11-2022 at 08:15 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

Quote:

1- would a Sub being sensitive (low pain threshold, cries a lot, ...) be a pro or a con to you ?

I have extensive experience with this in respect to low pain threshold (my own is much higher). It is a pro in that I can induce suffering very easily at times when I want to (yes, I admit I'm a sadist). But it is definitely a con when I want a more extended play session or want to fulfill some of my darker desires. On the balance I would rather a higher pain threshold. With regards to crying, this is not something I have much experience with; hypothetically if the sub "enjoyed" crying as part of sessions and it was within limits then this could be "fun" for me, but in the general sense of your question as a threshold it would likely be mildly frustrating to have to always tread lightly around this.

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2- do you ever dream about your Sub ?

Yes, but I won't comment further out of respect for their privacy.

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3- do you usually self stimulate while ordering your Sub around, or rather at a different time ?

Usually not as my focus is on her. I am usually more highly aroused either before while planning a session or after when remembering it than during the session itself. The exception to this is if the task of the sub is to perform for my entertainment or pleasure in some way.

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4- are there personality types that you prefer in a Sub (shy serious type, joyful and kind, confident and cocky, ...) ? Cause I've seen some cases where someone has a fetish for a type

Not specifically in a sub. Perhaps as part of general attraction - cocky, bitchy or combative is usually a turn off. In a sub, I'm not a fan of deliberate rule breaking for attention or punishment as some brats are inclined to, but I can certainly handle cheekiness and a strong personality in my sub. Shy has both pro's and con's, as it can take a lot of work but often the results are more rewarding. I also want to avoid "broken" or "crazy", it's just not worth it.

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5- would knowing that a Sub has any kind of mental health concerns (depression, past trauma, or other conditions that are under control) be a problem for you ? Would it be a turn off, or a reason to hold back too much ?

As I get older, I have begun to suspect that everyone has mental health concerns of one type or another. So no, this is not a problem provided it is "under control" as you put it. But then there is "broken" and "crazy" which is not under control. Some "doms" seem to be drawn to this either as white knights riding to the rescue or simply to exploit a victim while they can before dumping them - I'm not one of these.

Quote:

6- have you ever treated a Sub in a way that you regretted later ?

Absolutely, although I'm not going to go into details here. We all start out as newbies and despite the best of intentions some learning is done the hard way. I try my very best to minimize this and with experience comes wisdom (sometimes... I hope). Going slow and building up while enjoying the journey is now my preferred approach, rather than to push subs to their limit as fast as I can (yes, once I was immature).

Quote:

7- do you ever try to "get a taste of your own medicine" (like trying the tortures that you expect the Sub to endure to know what it feels like) ?

Absolutely, there is very little I have ever ordered as a dom that I haven't tested out or experienced in some way myself. I think it would be irresponsible to do otherwise. When I was first exploring kink 25+ years ago (thank you alt.sex.bondage) there were many recommendations for doms to start out with experience as subs first for this very reason. This never really fit with my personality, I've always fallen on the dom side of the spectrum, but I think the reasoning behind this advice had some merit.

The only exception to this is where biology prevents it. I'm male and straight, so sometimes I just don't have the body parts. How does a rubber band snap on a clit feel? The same as on the head of a penis? Worse? Or on the balls? I just don't know. But I try my best, and whenever I experiment with myself its always with the mindset of how can I use this tool to fuck with my sub's mind.

When it comes to the mental side, getting inside my sub's headspace to understand and enjoy how they are feeling is the number one thing I'm always trying to do.

Thank you for a great set of questions, and to those before me who have responded.

Posted 02-04-2023 at 03:14 AM by Azyliux Azyliux is offline

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