A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Jaro v. Gerbil: A comparison
Posted 03-13-2020 at 11:28 PM by Butterfly
I have recently acquired a new sub. It honestly came out of the blue and while Jaro was supportive, he was naturally interested in what the differences were in our dynamics. So I decided to write this blog ...
Kink Life
Jaro is relatively new to BDSM. I was his first Domme but before me he wasn’t sure if being a sub was really for him. He has dabbled in giving out tasks here and there and even discussed with a few people a D/s arrangement where he was in the D role, but I think he learned he likes the s role better.
Gerbil has been kinky since a young age. I was not his first Domme. He has had a few long term and serious relationships before me. Because of that, there is some emotional baggage that we are working through. Gerbil is also a switch and currently has a sub of his own (who, fun fact, lives near me).
Kinks
Both Jaro and Gerbil are big into control. I have quite an extensive list of rules for each of them. The things that I control for each of them are a bit different but some of the ones that are the same include orgasm control, exercise and food control. On top of that, I will sporadically choose other forms of control and assign tasks or temporary rules. As long as it isn’t in their limits, they obey my commands or there will be consequences or punishments.
Both men also love degradation and CBT. Both of these kinks are actually a bit difficult for me, but I am working on them. They also both just LOVE when I subject them to glitter tasks. They wish I would let them bathe in a tub of glitter every day (*This was sarcasm in case you didn’t catch it). Both also struggle with completing edges. Although Jaro struggles a bit more and will often ruin. Neither can do a large number.
Other than control, Jaro’s biggest kink is anal. He wants to be the Anal King! When he visited me this summer he almost took my entire fist in his ass. He has also worn his plug 5 days in a row (120 hours) only removing it for bathroom breaks. He has a huge foot fetish and so I try to reward him by taking photos of my feet when I get regular pedicures, and sometimes let him choose the color. Jaro also really likes messy tasks, and enjoys being nude as much as possible inside or in nude acceptable places like the nude beach.
Jaro also loves orgasm denial. Recently he begged me not to make him cum. One of his bucket list goals is to be in denial for an entire year. Jaro really enjoys being denied and loves the idea of his chastity cage, although we have been struggling with some of the logistics of that.
My Gerbil is just rediscovering anal. I have been calling him my butt slut because he has been realizing that he enjoys the anal tasks we have done together so far and this makes him very embrassed and slightly ashamed. As his Domme, I love to exploit that. Gerbil also really likes the physical side of things. We routinely talk about me being there in person and choking him, biting him or slapping him across the face.
Gerbil is much more similar to me when it comes to denial. He struggles with even two days of denial. I do enjoy getting him all worked up and then saying he can’t cum that day! It doesn’t take too much to get him horny and desperate which is a lot of fun.
Personal Life
Jaro is very much an introvert. He feels awkward in social situations and therefore he avoids them as much as possible. He has a few close friends who he makes plans with, but otherwise his regular schedule consists of going to work and then coming home.
Gerbil has a very busy personal life. He works. He has a family. He is actively involved in a local sporting club. As well as various other friends and family social obligations. He has very little private time which makes it a bit more difficult for us to have live play sessions or complete larger tasks.
Personality
Jaro has a dry sense of humour, but he makes me laugh. He is a very private person. We went almost 2 years before he sent me a photo with his face in it. He also can get a bit over cautious (he himself has labeled it as paranoid) sometimes. He also likes to overanalyze things. He is an introvert but is very open with me. Although he describes himself as boring, I would call him lowkey. I would also describe him as quirky and slightly crazy (he wakes up before 4 WILLINGLY!). He also would do anything at all to help support me (and others). For this reason, he is one of my best friends.
Gerbil is also funny but in a different way from Jaro. He is cheeky. I wouldn’t call him a brat, but he CAN be a brat at times. He is so amazing at being vulnerable, even when it is hard. I can see/feel him wanting to fight me at times, he is very strong willed, but he does such a great job of letting me tear down those walls, at least for a little while. He also likes to get pouty which I think is the most adorable thing ever. Gerbil has such a big heart. He regularly puts others needs above his own and I have to remind him to practice self care at times. He gives me butterflies.
Time Zones
Jaro lives in the Netherlands. Which means that when he wakes up for the day (which is stupid early btw), it is about 8:30 pm for me. This gives us a bit of time to chat before he heads to work and I go to sleep. When I wake up, he is heading home from work and he usually gets home right around 9 am when I start work. Because of the type of work I do, I am relatively free to chat with him, give him tasks, or even play occasionally while I am at work. He goes to sleep around 2 pm my time.
Gerbil lives in Australia. I am super bad with timezones and Australia makes that even harder. I have a world clock on my phone, but I have pretty much just given up and ask Gerbil to convert the time for me. To make things even more difficult, half the year we have a 16 hour time difference. Then it goes to 17 hours when our time changes here in Canada and 18 once their time changes in April. STUPID AUSTRALIA! It is also confusing because he is almost a full day ahead of us. Gerbil wakes up about 11 am (or 1 pm) my time. He gets off work at 9:00 pm (or 11 pm) my time. And he goes to bed sometime after I do.
Both times zones actually work really well logistically for me. Although I struggle to connect with Jaro on the phone too often because of our schedules and time zones. But I do get a lot of time to talk to each of them while I am at work and it leaves me some time in the evenings to focus on my submission, Mr. Devious and other obligations.
Our Relationship
Jaro and I have cycled through many phases in our 3.5 years together. We started as a D/s relationship and progressed into more of a M/s relationship. For about a year we had a consensual blackmail arrangement with Icemaiden. Right now our relationship is definitely closer to the D/s side of things. Jaro has rules, a safeword and limits which are all respected. We are really focusing on rules related to Jaro’s personal goals right now. Each month we review his goals and I assign tasks and rules in order to help us get closer to his goals.
Jaro and I are really good friends. We have spoken pretty much everyday since we started to chat in November 2016. Our relationship is primarily online, but he visited me in August 2019 and is hopefully planning to come back soon. We care deeply about each other and we are more than just D/s. It is a true friendship.
Gerbil and I have only been together since January, but we have known each other for years. It is crazy to think how quickly things escalated considering up to January, we were just casually playing. However, on January 13, Gerbil asked to be mine and I asked to be his. I have since collared him. As we are still relatively new, we are still going slow with the amount of control that I take, but I think our mutual goal is for me to have as much control as is practical. Eventually his limits and safeword will be merely tools of communication, but I will make the final decision in all things.
As was the case when I found Jaro, I wasn’t looking for a sub when I started to play with Gerbil. I thought it was just another casual play partner. But there was something special about him and I just couldn’t ignore it. I made us wait a week before we decided to start an official dynamic. As I mentioned, there is something different about Gerbil. I have never had romantic feelings for a sub before, but with Gerbil, I have felt those feelings growing and we said the L word to each other recently.
Goals
Within each of our relationships we are working towards goals. Both men are working on health and fitness goals and thus have some rules surrounding those.
Jaro is specifically working towards some goals based around finding a hobby and also strengthening some social skills. His ultimate goals are to go on a date with a woman and to attend more kink related events. He also has an anal goal of taking a full fist.
Gerbil has decided that one of his goals should be to live a glitter free life, but that isn’t going to happen with me as his Domme. Instead we are focusing on increasing some anal play and we would also like to eventually try some hypnosis triggers.
Conclusion
Although there are some big differences in my subs personalities, kinks, and our dynamics, I can honestly say that they share the same size place in my heart. They are both loyal, devoted and they both put a smile on my face nearly everyday.
Kink Life
Jaro is relatively new to BDSM. I was his first Domme but before me he wasn’t sure if being a sub was really for him. He has dabbled in giving out tasks here and there and even discussed with a few people a D/s arrangement where he was in the D role, but I think he learned he likes the s role better.
Gerbil has been kinky since a young age. I was not his first Domme. He has had a few long term and serious relationships before me. Because of that, there is some emotional baggage that we are working through. Gerbil is also a switch and currently has a sub of his own (who, fun fact, lives near me).
Kinks
Both Jaro and Gerbil are big into control. I have quite an extensive list of rules for each of them. The things that I control for each of them are a bit different but some of the ones that are the same include orgasm control, exercise and food control. On top of that, I will sporadically choose other forms of control and assign tasks or temporary rules. As long as it isn’t in their limits, they obey my commands or there will be consequences or punishments.
Both men also love degradation and CBT. Both of these kinks are actually a bit difficult for me, but I am working on them. They also both just LOVE when I subject them to glitter tasks. They wish I would let them bathe in a tub of glitter every day (*This was sarcasm in case you didn’t catch it). Both also struggle with completing edges. Although Jaro struggles a bit more and will often ruin. Neither can do a large number.
Other than control, Jaro’s biggest kink is anal. He wants to be the Anal King! When he visited me this summer he almost took my entire fist in his ass. He has also worn his plug 5 days in a row (120 hours) only removing it for bathroom breaks. He has a huge foot fetish and so I try to reward him by taking photos of my feet when I get regular pedicures, and sometimes let him choose the color. Jaro also really likes messy tasks, and enjoys being nude as much as possible inside or in nude acceptable places like the nude beach.
Jaro also loves orgasm denial. Recently he begged me not to make him cum. One of his bucket list goals is to be in denial for an entire year. Jaro really enjoys being denied and loves the idea of his chastity cage, although we have been struggling with some of the logistics of that.
My Gerbil is just rediscovering anal. I have been calling him my butt slut because he has been realizing that he enjoys the anal tasks we have done together so far and this makes him very embrassed and slightly ashamed. As his Domme, I love to exploit that. Gerbil also really likes the physical side of things. We routinely talk about me being there in person and choking him, biting him or slapping him across the face.
Gerbil is much more similar to me when it comes to denial. He struggles with even two days of denial. I do enjoy getting him all worked up and then saying he can’t cum that day! It doesn’t take too much to get him horny and desperate which is a lot of fun.
Personal Life
Jaro is very much an introvert. He feels awkward in social situations and therefore he avoids them as much as possible. He has a few close friends who he makes plans with, but otherwise his regular schedule consists of going to work and then coming home.
Gerbil has a very busy personal life. He works. He has a family. He is actively involved in a local sporting club. As well as various other friends and family social obligations. He has very little private time which makes it a bit more difficult for us to have live play sessions or complete larger tasks.
Personality
Jaro has a dry sense of humour, but he makes me laugh. He is a very private person. We went almost 2 years before he sent me a photo with his face in it. He also can get a bit over cautious (he himself has labeled it as paranoid) sometimes. He also likes to overanalyze things. He is an introvert but is very open with me. Although he describes himself as boring, I would call him lowkey. I would also describe him as quirky and slightly crazy (he wakes up before 4 WILLINGLY!). He also would do anything at all to help support me (and others). For this reason, he is one of my best friends.
Gerbil is also funny but in a different way from Jaro. He is cheeky. I wouldn’t call him a brat, but he CAN be a brat at times. He is so amazing at being vulnerable, even when it is hard. I can see/feel him wanting to fight me at times, he is very strong willed, but he does such a great job of letting me tear down those walls, at least for a little while. He also likes to get pouty which I think is the most adorable thing ever. Gerbil has such a big heart. He regularly puts others needs above his own and I have to remind him to practice self care at times. He gives me butterflies.
Time Zones
Jaro lives in the Netherlands. Which means that when he wakes up for the day (which is stupid early btw), it is about 8:30 pm for me. This gives us a bit of time to chat before he heads to work and I go to sleep. When I wake up, he is heading home from work and he usually gets home right around 9 am when I start work. Because of the type of work I do, I am relatively free to chat with him, give him tasks, or even play occasionally while I am at work. He goes to sleep around 2 pm my time.
Gerbil lives in Australia. I am super bad with timezones and Australia makes that even harder. I have a world clock on my phone, but I have pretty much just given up and ask Gerbil to convert the time for me. To make things even more difficult, half the year we have a 16 hour time difference. Then it goes to 17 hours when our time changes here in Canada and 18 once their time changes in April. STUPID AUSTRALIA! It is also confusing because he is almost a full day ahead of us. Gerbil wakes up about 11 am (or 1 pm) my time. He gets off work at 9:00 pm (or 11 pm) my time. And he goes to bed sometime after I do.
Both times zones actually work really well logistically for me. Although I struggle to connect with Jaro on the phone too often because of our schedules and time zones. But I do get a lot of time to talk to each of them while I am at work and it leaves me some time in the evenings to focus on my submission, Mr. Devious and other obligations.
Our Relationship
Jaro and I have cycled through many phases in our 3.5 years together. We started as a D/s relationship and progressed into more of a M/s relationship. For about a year we had a consensual blackmail arrangement with Icemaiden. Right now our relationship is definitely closer to the D/s side of things. Jaro has rules, a safeword and limits which are all respected. We are really focusing on rules related to Jaro’s personal goals right now. Each month we review his goals and I assign tasks and rules in order to help us get closer to his goals.
Jaro and I are really good friends. We have spoken pretty much everyday since we started to chat in November 2016. Our relationship is primarily online, but he visited me in August 2019 and is hopefully planning to come back soon. We care deeply about each other and we are more than just D/s. It is a true friendship.
Gerbil and I have only been together since January, but we have known each other for years. It is crazy to think how quickly things escalated considering up to January, we were just casually playing. However, on January 13, Gerbil asked to be mine and I asked to be his. I have since collared him. As we are still relatively new, we are still going slow with the amount of control that I take, but I think our mutual goal is for me to have as much control as is practical. Eventually his limits and safeword will be merely tools of communication, but I will make the final decision in all things.
As was the case when I found Jaro, I wasn’t looking for a sub when I started to play with Gerbil. I thought it was just another casual play partner. But there was something special about him and I just couldn’t ignore it. I made us wait a week before we decided to start an official dynamic. As I mentioned, there is something different about Gerbil. I have never had romantic feelings for a sub before, but with Gerbil, I have felt those feelings growing and we said the L word to each other recently.
Goals
Within each of our relationships we are working towards goals. Both men are working on health and fitness goals and thus have some rules surrounding those.
Jaro is specifically working towards some goals based around finding a hobby and also strengthening some social skills. His ultimate goals are to go on a date with a woman and to attend more kink related events. He also has an anal goal of taking a full fist.
Gerbil has decided that one of his goals should be to live a glitter free life, but that isn’t going to happen with me as his Domme. Instead we are focusing on increasing some anal play and we would also like to eventually try some hypnosis triggers.
Conclusion
Although there are some big differences in my subs personalities, kinks, and our dynamics, I can honestly say that they share the same size place in my heart. They are both loyal, devoted and they both put a smile on my face nearly everyday.
Total Comments 5
Comments
-
Many thanks for all the inside, Butterfly. I think this is a great example for everyone to see how much needs to go into a relationship compared to a casual play, and how much you get out of it in return.
Posted 03-14-2020 at 04:42 AM by CSasha 
-
We are much more different than I thought we were.
What a lovely blog Miss!
And I should definitely add a glitter free life to my goals too! Thank you for reminding me of that.Posted 03-14-2020 at 11:54 AM by Jaro
-
and I will happily scratch that one off your list as well. Goals are supposed to be simple and attainable. That goal is just impossible.Quote:Originally Posted by Jaro
And I should definitely add a glitter free life to my goals too! Thank you for reminding me of that.Posted 03-14-2020 at 03:00 PM by Butterfly
-
I think we misunderstood Jaro. He probably wanted to set the goal of owning a set of glitter-mixed lipstick of different colors.
I am pretty sure he deserves some touching time after applying such a glitter lipstick heavily on his little worm. Posted 03-14-2020 at 03:04 PM by CSasha
-
This analysis is a delight to read. Honestly, I love reading entries that show just how much depth and tailoring goes into each relationship.Posted 03-20-2020 at 07:29 PM by Sexyplant
