A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
I want to submit
Posted 08-21-2018 at 10:35 AM by Butterfly
I crave submission. I crave giving up control.
When my life is crazy and chaotic, I need to submit in order to keep myself sane. It is my way to let go of everything and just be. To put my trust in somebody else to take care of me, to make me feel safe, to control me.
Lately I haven't had the opportunity to submit too often. Especially over the last month. We went on a two week trip which left us almost constantly surrounded by family (sleeping in my moms living room which left us NO privacy) and then just over two weeks with my 14 year old cousin visiting us.
We haven't been able to have sex in the last 3.5 weeks, never mind any kind of kinky playtime or rules.
I find it is so easy for me to take on the Domme roll. I do it with Jaro daily and Mr. Devious and I are starting a new dynamic where we are in control of pet monkey's edging. I also have a few other casual play partners who I will assign tasks or edges to as I feel like it. On top of that, I am a mod here which also puts me in a position of "power".
I am finding it harder to submit. Harder to find that submissive side of me, even though I want it so bad.
For some reason I seem to fight it. I seem to hold onto that control tighter than ever before. I get bratty and talk back, I complain, I push back ...
But all I want, no, what I NEED, is for somebody (this is not an invitation for just anybody) to come along and take that control back! I want them to demand things of me, not ask nicely. I want to melt into a puddle of subbyness.
I want to submit!
When my life is crazy and chaotic, I need to submit in order to keep myself sane. It is my way to let go of everything and just be. To put my trust in somebody else to take care of me, to make me feel safe, to control me.
Lately I haven't had the opportunity to submit too often. Especially over the last month. We went on a two week trip which left us almost constantly surrounded by family (sleeping in my moms living room which left us NO privacy) and then just over two weeks with my 14 year old cousin visiting us.
We haven't been able to have sex in the last 3.5 weeks, never mind any kind of kinky playtime or rules.
I find it is so easy for me to take on the Domme roll. I do it with Jaro daily and Mr. Devious and I are starting a new dynamic where we are in control of pet monkey's edging. I also have a few other casual play partners who I will assign tasks or edges to as I feel like it. On top of that, I am a mod here which also puts me in a position of "power".
I am finding it harder to submit. Harder to find that submissive side of me, even though I want it so bad.
For some reason I seem to fight it. I seem to hold onto that control tighter than ever before. I get bratty and talk back, I complain, I push back ...
But all I want, no, what I NEED, is for somebody (this is not an invitation for just anybody) to come along and take that control back! I want them to demand things of me, not ask nicely. I want to melt into a puddle of subbyness.
I want to submit!
Total Comments 3
Comments
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I gave you a free bump on your ad
I hope everything goes well *hug*Posted 08-21-2018 at 02:21 PM by Joan Sky 
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I empathize with you. I went through a spell of "I wish I had time to meet a partner" pouting just last night and it was a strange feeling to have. Different, but similar to a feeling of loneliness. I hope you get that somebody soon!Posted 08-21-2018 at 05:46 PM by amethyst353
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Yay, someone responded to your ad!Quote:Originally Posted by Joan Sky
I gave you a free bump on your ad
I hope everything goes well *hug*
Posted 08-22-2018 at 02:19 AM by Joan Sky
