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Financial control.

Posted 07-25-2018 at 03:04 AM by AbusiveMaster

I think sometimes terms get skewed, in D/s and in life. This is due to placing unrelated things under the same umbrella.

One of the many examples of this happens when it comes to financial play. FinDom is usually thought of as the submissive paying tribute to the submissive. Whether this takes the form of gifts or payment, the bottom line is... the bottom line. GetDare doesn't allow for FinDom activities of this nature, and that is something I personally approve of, there are plenty of places which do cater to this fetish. (That said, if anyone wants to throw wads of cash at me, my details are....)

Just because this is the most commonly considered definition of FinDom though, it is not the only one. I take a certain amount of control over the finances of both Icy and Hearty.

In Hearty's case, she has to ask permission to by any non-essential items - this includes but is not limited to, toys, clothes, makeup and luxuries.

Icy is more strictly controlled still. She has to provide me with written details of every penny she spends, and has to justify any expense when asked to. Aside from her day-to-day essentials, she has to ask me for each and every item purchased, and I am given the lik every month to her online grocery shop, so I can approve what she buys.

So why do I do this? There are several reasons.

One is that it does add an additional element of control into our relationships. I think that enjoying this control aspect may have contributed to Icy's decision to impose similar (but lesser) constraints on Jaro. This is a theory only, I am not particularly involved int hat triangle (though I am informed of anything i need to know.) It is very likely that, on reading this, Icy will turn round and deny this claim, but I suspect thats because she doesnt like to be told she is copying me.

Another reason is practicality. Neither Icy nor Hearty are particularly GOOD at managing their own finances. If left to their own devices, they overspend and regret it, being left short for things they need to buy, having wasted a lot on... frankly, junk.

While there is a satisfaction in this level of control, I couldnt honestly go so far as to call it pleasure. Sitting down after your own budget and finance to be presented with those of two other people ( to one extent or another) is hardly the sort of thing that makes you rub your hands together and insta-boner. It can be hard work, and it can also be difficult to say no when asked for permission for a particular purchase. It is, after all, their money.

But Hearty now, with my help and supervision, has managed to accumulate a small saivings account. (OK, she expected more access to her savings than she has got, but this is NOT for wasting on toys, it is for covering contingencies, such as when you needed those new tyres.)

Icy has, with my help and supervision, turned her finances around. I don't want to go into too many private details here - suffice to say that her finances were such a mess that it will take a while for us to entirely solve the problem, but she is on the right path and making ends meet... mostly.

I see this particular component of control as a part of my indelible responsibility to care for the people who have given me power over them. It is as important as the rules I impose on each regarding their health and wellbeing. Is it Financial Domination? Well yes. It is Dominating them with regard to their finances. Is it FinDom? No, not as you would think of the term.

(Addendum. Icy demands presents, unicorns and colouring books. I also choose to buy her World of Warcraft subscription every month as a present from Daddy. If anything I am stuck in a FinSub relationship - help!)
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  1. Old Comment
    IceMaiden's Avatar
    I think when done safely and with the person's best interests in mind, this type of control/play is perfectly okay. There is a huge difference between something like this and "give me all your money!" and a lot of people seem to forget that.

    Just like Butterfly and I don't deny Jaro things he needs to live comfortably, neither do you with me or Aimee. And if it came to something like I have to buy x thing for my child, or I randomly bought him something without asking first that is okay too because the aim of this isn't to collect all my money but to make sure I HAVE some, to spend on me or him or luxuries along with savings.

    Yes, I might be sulky if I ask for something and you say no - but even while I am I know that you're not saying no just because you can. You ALWAYS have my best interests in mind and are thinking about the future, something I am terrible with when it comes to financial matters.

    And I think that is the key difference here: You might control mine and Aimee's money to some extents, but you don't view it as yours. And as both of us agreed to it (with certain stipulations, for me, nothing that would affect my child.) I think it is perfectly acceptable.

    "Findom" is given a bad name because of the association with it that someone is demanding the sub's money. But that isn't ALL it can be. And I think more people need to be aware of the differences.

    P.S I expect a unicorn gift very soon!
    Posted 07-25-2018 at 05:36 AM by IceMaiden IceMaiden is offline
    Updated 07-25-2018 at 06:12 AM by IceMaiden
  2. Old Comment
    Sam~'s Avatar
    This is a helpful blog to understand more ways of financial control than just demanding "tributes".

    I have a bit different system with Matt, similar in that he has to ask me permission for non essential purchases, and I may demand (in certain circumstances) that he purchase something that I want him too.

    But he is very good with money, probably better than me lol so I get him to help me with my finances. Not in staying what I can and can't buy obviously, but if I want to buy something, I'll tell Matt and he will then find where I can get it cheapest. He also finds me the best deals for my utilities (gas, electricity, broadband etc..) , insurance, holidays, flights etc.. Saving me money (and time! I don't have the patience to look around!) so I can spend it on more fun things.
    Posted 07-25-2018 at 07:13 AM by Sam~ Sam~ is offline
  3. Old Comment
    IHeartFun's Avatar
    I think this rule causes me to get in the most trouble when I see deals I have the sudden urge to just spend....oops!
    Posted 07-25-2018 at 07:49 AM by IHeartFun IHeartFun is offline
  4. Old Comment
    iSpuds's Avatar
    UGH AM (hi by the way I'm back more or less ) I RELATE TO ALL OF THIS SO HARD.

    I control the finances in mine and Monkey's relationship for similar reasons, and again, it comes mostly from a place of care than a place of sexy Dommy control. It can be difficult to deny monkey the one thing he is prone to spending his money on (Lego) and yet they're so DAMN expensive! But also, the cuteness that I get to witness when I've straightened out his budget well enough to actually let him have a new set is to die for.

    I could probably make good money in the FinDom business yknow? It's not a taboo for me - it's merely sex work. But even as I live with Monkey, and even though he has the sole income, I don't benefit much beyond the basics and the fun things we decide to do together. I could spend his money as much as I wanted (I am now a cosigner on his bank account) and I do. On bills and, occasionally, indulging monkey's Lego hobby. Because it's about taking care of him (and now, us), not bleeding him dry.
    Posted 07-25-2018 at 08:39 AM by iSpuds iSpuds is offline

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