A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Feeling Clausterphobic
Posted 01-20-2018 at 02:22 PM by Butterfly
I am a social butterfly. Because of this, I am usually surrounded by people at all times, both online and in person.
I work as an office manager. Part of my job is to help people. I answer phones, deal with people who come through the front door, and answer emails. People commonly use me as a sounding board at work as well. My coworkers will come to me to complain about other employees, about computers that don't work or missing office supplies. On top of this, because of the field I work in, I sometimes act as a listener/counsellor role for people who come in and out of my office. And because of my position at work, I do not have a door ... I am in an open office where people come in and out freely.
When I leave work, I spend a lot of my free time talking with and/or helping friends and family. Most nights I don't go home after work, I usually have at least a few hours dealing with others.
When I do return home, I like to catch up on getDare. I try to keep in contact with the 5 people in our Rules Society, I like to chat with friends in the chat rooms and on Kik/Line/Skype/Discord/Hangouts, I answer PMs from people wanting my help as a mod, as well as respond to reports and do other moderating as needed.
Of course, I also keep in contact with my sub throughout most of the day.
I usually love this stuff!!!! It is not a burden to me. I love helping people, getting to know people, being friends with lots of people. I love socializing.
But sometimes it gets to be too much.
I am prone to panic or anxiety attacks. But this is different.
Thursday night, in the middle of a conversation with somebody, I received 5 different messages from people who needed me. I couldn't keep up and I just felt overwhelmed and I think clausterphobic is the right word.
I just needed space. I needed to be alone. To be in a bubble where nobody was demanding my time or attention. I just wanted to curl up into a ball inside a blanket fort with just Asslvr and nobody else.
And so I did ...
At first I felt guilty. I could see the messages piling up on my phone and in my inbox and I felt bad for not responding. When I received a distressing message from a friend on kik, I made the mistake of responding, but immediately I felt a sense of not being able to breathe and needing to run away. This made me feel even more guilty but I apologized to her and told her that I needed to put my mental health first.
See, I love to help people, but I can't help others if I don't help myself first. As hard as it has been, I have taken a step back for a few days. I have to admit, I couldn't step back completely, I have still been lurking a bit, dealing with a few mod things and responding to a few more urgent PMs, but not really corresponding with a lot of people.
I am starting to feel a bit better, but I think I just need another day or two before I am back to myself. Thank you to everybody who has been supportive and sorry to those who haven't received a response from me.
I work as an office manager. Part of my job is to help people. I answer phones, deal with people who come through the front door, and answer emails. People commonly use me as a sounding board at work as well. My coworkers will come to me to complain about other employees, about computers that don't work or missing office supplies. On top of this, because of the field I work in, I sometimes act as a listener/counsellor role for people who come in and out of my office. And because of my position at work, I do not have a door ... I am in an open office where people come in and out freely.
When I leave work, I spend a lot of my free time talking with and/or helping friends and family. Most nights I don't go home after work, I usually have at least a few hours dealing with others.
When I do return home, I like to catch up on getDare. I try to keep in contact with the 5 people in our Rules Society, I like to chat with friends in the chat rooms and on Kik/Line/Skype/Discord/Hangouts, I answer PMs from people wanting my help as a mod, as well as respond to reports and do other moderating as needed.
Of course, I also keep in contact with my sub throughout most of the day.
I usually love this stuff!!!! It is not a burden to me. I love helping people, getting to know people, being friends with lots of people. I love socializing.
But sometimes it gets to be too much.
I am prone to panic or anxiety attacks. But this is different.
Thursday night, in the middle of a conversation with somebody, I received 5 different messages from people who needed me. I couldn't keep up and I just felt overwhelmed and I think clausterphobic is the right word.
I just needed space. I needed to be alone. To be in a bubble where nobody was demanding my time or attention. I just wanted to curl up into a ball inside a blanket fort with just Asslvr and nobody else.
And so I did ...
At first I felt guilty. I could see the messages piling up on my phone and in my inbox and I felt bad for not responding. When I received a distressing message from a friend on kik, I made the mistake of responding, but immediately I felt a sense of not being able to breathe and needing to run away. This made me feel even more guilty but I apologized to her and told her that I needed to put my mental health first.
See, I love to help people, but I can't help others if I don't help myself first. As hard as it has been, I have taken a step back for a few days. I have to admit, I couldn't step back completely, I have still been lurking a bit, dealing with a few mod things and responding to a few more urgent PMs, but not really corresponding with a lot of people.
I am starting to feel a bit better, but I think I just need another day or two before I am back to myself. Thank you to everybody who has been supportive and sorry to those who haven't received a response from me.
Total Comments 6
Comments
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No need to be sorry. You must always tend to your needs. We can all wait, Ms Butterfly. You and Asslvr take as long as you need to recoup.
Hope you feel better soon. Don't take that as rushing. Take all the time you need. :-)Posted 01-20-2018 at 03:50 PM by Blue Fox 
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I would say, take your time to be yourself again.
The same feeling of wanting to retreat is something I also have experienced when I'm mentally drained.
Get well soonPosted 01-20-2018 at 04:26 PM by Pariahterror
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And I hope you respond to me that way over and over. I was steaming mad, not at you. I am glad you told me that and I hope others feel okay to say I need me time, because I had a friend who didn't respect that. Butterfly as long as you know I am here, that's all I care about.Posted 01-20-2018 at 04:43 PM by Wedgiebondagebabe
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Everyone who cares about you (which is everyone who is worth listening to/helping) will understand if you take a little time to yourself.
As an introvert, the thought of an open office with people constantly disturbing me for any amount of time would drive me mad
Understandable the pressure would that would build up even for the most social person. Hope you're feeling more like yourself soon!Posted 01-20-2018 at 06:12 PM by PrincessJessica
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This line is key:
It's exactly that. Even though I do miss you, I'd much rather have you take a few days off then you sticking around and getting yourself even more worked up and stressed.Quote:See, I love to help people, but I can't help others if I don't help myself first.
You are an amazing Butterfly, Princess, but I'd like you to stay amazing and for that you need to take care of yourself, like you are doing now.Posted 01-20-2018 at 07:30 PM by Jaro
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Jaro voiced my thoughts perfectly. I wouldn't want to see you suffer just to respond when you have too much going on. We will all be here when you are feeling better! We love you lots and lots <3 Thank you for being strong enough when to tell us stuff is too much. That's important <3
Posted 01-21-2018 at 04:54 AM by Evermore
