A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
The Evolution of Limits
Posted 06-11-2017 at 09:34 AM by Butterfly
Most people have limits, and so they should. Even if they are only basic things like: death! Everybody has limits. Limits are different from person to person. For one person it could be a limit to cause permanent damage, whereas another person could be open to body modifications. Limits are your own personal boundaries and only YOU can decide what your limits are.
Why a limit is a limit?
One of the first things people do when they join getDare is create a blog post with their likes and limits. When you are just starting out and don't have a lot of experience, a lot of things might end up in your limits. It could be because it is something that is scary, something that disgusts you, or something that you don't believe in. There are many different reasons why it might start in your limits.
Or you may put only the basics in your limits because you want to try a lot of new things and aren't sure what your limits are.
Some of my limits are because of psychological and emotional reactions. I was abused as a child and so things like spanking, corner time, and degradation were/are major limits! Others, like using gags are because they scare me. Or, pictures/videos are because of privacy reasons.
There are many different reasons why a limit may be a limit. Sometimes we don't know even know why a limit is a limit but that is ok! Limits do not need an explanation.
Limits can change!
Limits really are a personal thing. Just as our personality, food preferences, hobbies, etc. can change over time, so too can our limits. Limits are not written in stone. Many different things can influence us and may change our limits over time.
It is perfectly natural for things that once started as a limit, to slowly become something you are wanting to try or work on. Something you once found incredibly scary, or hard, might become easier when you meet the right play partner and build up trust.
Even if it is less common, it is also normal for something that once wasn't a limit to suddenly become a limit. Sometimes it happens because you didn't realize it was a limit. Sometimes it happens because you tried something and had such a bad experience you never want to do it again.
I was once playing with somebody and he asked me to use a wooden spoon. I didn't realize that it was a limit of mine until that very moment. I completely shut down and he had to stop the play session and calm me down before we were able to move on. That is ok!
Whatever the reason, if you seriously decide (I say seriously because as a brat, I will "decide" that things are limits often), even if in the middle of a play session, that something is a limit, that is ok! It should not be argued about or contradicted. However, if it does happen in a play session, it is always good to communicate with your partner. This is where a safeword comes in handy. But even still, just having a conversation about it will do wonders.
Limits should only change because of YOU. If a Dom is pressuring you into trying your limits or demanding that it no longer be a limit, or trying to punish you with your limits, or using your limits against you, RUN! Unless YOU decide to change or give up a limit (or all of them), then your limits will remain limits.
Different limits
It is also normal to have different limits for different people or situations.
I have a list of limits that are posted that apply to everybody except my husband. There are certain things on my list that don't apply to my husband/Dom. I trust him enough to take some of those limits off the table.
If I am playing with somebody else, some of my hard limits have the potential to become soft limits if sufficient trust and communication is built.
That is ok!
Conclusion
People change, limits change, but limits are limits. They should be respected at all times. Even if they change in the middle of a play session, or a week into a relationship, they are still limits. A good partner/Dom will respect your limits, and will respect you enough to communicate about your limits.
Why a limit is a limit?
One of the first things people do when they join getDare is create a blog post with their likes and limits. When you are just starting out and don't have a lot of experience, a lot of things might end up in your limits. It could be because it is something that is scary, something that disgusts you, or something that you don't believe in. There are many different reasons why it might start in your limits.
Or you may put only the basics in your limits because you want to try a lot of new things and aren't sure what your limits are.
Some of my limits are because of psychological and emotional reactions. I was abused as a child and so things like spanking, corner time, and degradation were/are major limits! Others, like using gags are because they scare me. Or, pictures/videos are because of privacy reasons.
There are many different reasons why a limit may be a limit. Sometimes we don't know even know why a limit is a limit but that is ok! Limits do not need an explanation.
Limits can change!
Limits really are a personal thing. Just as our personality, food preferences, hobbies, etc. can change over time, so too can our limits. Limits are not written in stone. Many different things can influence us and may change our limits over time.
It is perfectly natural for things that once started as a limit, to slowly become something you are wanting to try or work on. Something you once found incredibly scary, or hard, might become easier when you meet the right play partner and build up trust.
Even if it is less common, it is also normal for something that once wasn't a limit to suddenly become a limit. Sometimes it happens because you didn't realize it was a limit. Sometimes it happens because you tried something and had such a bad experience you never want to do it again.
I was once playing with somebody and he asked me to use a wooden spoon. I didn't realize that it was a limit of mine until that very moment. I completely shut down and he had to stop the play session and calm me down before we were able to move on. That is ok!
Whatever the reason, if you seriously decide (I say seriously because as a brat, I will "decide" that things are limits often), even if in the middle of a play session, that something is a limit, that is ok! It should not be argued about or contradicted. However, if it does happen in a play session, it is always good to communicate with your partner. This is where a safeword comes in handy. But even still, just having a conversation about it will do wonders.
Limits should only change because of YOU. If a Dom is pressuring you into trying your limits or demanding that it no longer be a limit, or trying to punish you with your limits, or using your limits against you, RUN! Unless YOU decide to change or give up a limit (or all of them), then your limits will remain limits.
Different limits
It is also normal to have different limits for different people or situations.
I have a list of limits that are posted that apply to everybody except my husband. There are certain things on my list that don't apply to my husband/Dom. I trust him enough to take some of those limits off the table.
If I am playing with somebody else, some of my hard limits have the potential to become soft limits if sufficient trust and communication is built.
That is ok!
Conclusion
People change, limits change, but limits are limits. They should be respected at all times. Even if they change in the middle of a play session, or a week into a relationship, they are still limits. A good partner/Dom will respect your limits, and will respect you enough to communicate about your limits.
Total Comments 10
Comments
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Since there's no likes or +1s, let me say that I like this post a lot!Posted 06-11-2017 at 10:43 AM by 321tt 
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Beautifully put! Completely agree with everything you said! I've had limits come and go and they still do all the time (Despite the name NoLimitz lol).
In fact you helped me think of a new limit, name calling. It sounds petty I know but like you said about psycological responses (I'm so sorry to hear you were abused as a kid) It just takes me back to being 10 in the playground. That feeling of worthlessness and loneliness, It all comes flooding back. (I was the fat kid) Now I'm not, but still that word grates on me!
We all deserve the chance to test our limits safely, with people we trust and care about. And If they stay limits, they stay limits!
Thanks for this, it really spoke to me
Posted 06-11-2017 at 12:12 PM by NoLimitz
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That was perfect!
I just wish more people would read this. I always get the feeling on these kind of blogs that the people who need it the most will just ignore it...
Hey, just stop here! Please! Just as Butterfly said, a limit is a limit, it must be respected no matter the reason. It is not petty, no matter the reasoning behind it, whether it makes you feel bad, uncomfortable, afraid, sad or it is just something you don't want to do.Quote:Originally Posted by NoLimitz
In fact you helped me think of a new limit, name calling. It sounds petty I know [...]Posted 06-11-2017 at 12:23 PM by qmu
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It is not petty at all. You do not have to explain or apologize for your limits. They are what they are and only you get to decide that.Quote:Originally Posted by NoLimitz
In fact you helped me think of a new limit, name calling. It sounds petty I know but like you said about psycological responses (I'm so sorry to hear you were abused as a kid) It just takes me back to being 10 in the playground. That feeling of worthlessness and loneliness, It all comes flooding back. (I was the fat kid) Now I'm not, but still that word grates on me!
We all deserve the chance to test our limits safely, with people we trust and care about. And If they stay limits, they stay limits!
Thanks for this, it really spoke to mePosted 06-11-2017 at 01:14 PM by Butterfly
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The people who most need to read this probably never will, but I hope that it is read by somebody who is just starting to think about their limits and it will help them realize that they do not need to apologize or be pressured by anybody. Even if it just helps one person, I will be happy.Quote:Originally Posted by qmu
That was perfect!
I just wish more people would read this. I always get the feeling on these kind of blogs that the people who need it the most will just ignore it...Posted 06-11-2017 at 01:18 PM by Butterfly
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One person right hereQuote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
The people who most need to read this probably never will, but I hope that it is read by somebody who is just starting to think about their limits and it will help them realize that they do not need to apologize or be pressured by anybody. Even if it just helps one person, I will be happy.
Posted 06-11-2017 at 01:24 PM by NoLimitz
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Communicating your limits is so important! Especially if they are/have changed, you have to tell that to your Dom.
I've had it before where a Sub didn't tell me a limit. I thought i knew them, had a good sized list written down. Set a task and suddenly the Sub was freaking out about Limits and i was so confused. She had just forgotten to tell it to me, but took it was a break of trust. It was a horrible experience, for both of us i'm sure.
So communicate your limits! You cannot expect someone else to just know them, because everyone's limits are unique.Posted 06-11-2017 at 01:27 PM by KHdominant
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I agree that communication is so important. One of the first things you should discuss with a potential play partner is your limits.Quote:Originally Posted by Hammarling
Communicating your limits is so important! Especially if they are/have changed, you have to tell that to your Dom.
I've had it before where a Sub didn't tell me a limit. I thought i knew them, had a good sized list written down. Set a task and suddenly the Sub was freaking out about Limits and i was so confused. She had just forgotten to tell it to me, but took it was a break of trust. It was a horrible experience, for both of us i'm sure.
So communicate your limits! You cannot expect someone else to just know them, because everyone's limits are unique.
However there always is a chance that during a play session or a task you may realize that something you never even considered is actually a limit. In that case communication is so important. And no blame should be given by either party because it was something that neither of you could have predicted or planned for.Posted 06-11-2017 at 01:42 PM by Butterfly
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I've got a blog planned on the experience, but it really hammered home the lessons of: clear communication, and learning each other pre-session. And how Limits for some people are very serious and can cause them serious problems if pushed or broken.Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
I agree that communication is so important. One of the first things you should discuss with a potential play partner is your limits.
However there always is a chance that during a play session or a task you may realize that something you never even considered is actually a limit. In that case communication is so important. And no blame should be given by either party because it was something that neither of you could have predicted or planned for.Posted 06-11-2017 at 01:56 PM by KHdominant
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Looking forward to reading it.Quote:Originally Posted by Hammarling
I've got a blog planned on the experience, but it really hammered home the lessons of: clear communication, and learning each other pre-session. And how Limits for some people are very serious and can cause them serious problems if pushed or broken.
Posted 06-11-2017 at 02:34 PM by Butterfly
