A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Have I made a difference?
Posted 04-17-2017 at 11:46 AM by Butterfly
Sorry if this is kind of dark and morbid. But it has been something on my mind recently and writing helps.
I recently watched '13 Reasons Why' on Netflix. For those that don't know, it is about a girl committing suicide. She records 13 tapes about the reasons why she killed herself. Each tape corresponds to a person who impacted her life in a negative way which ultimately led her to the decision to kill herself. Throughout the show, you see how her death, and her life affected the people around her, and how those same people impacted hers.
It is a tragic story.
But it has really made me contemplate how the things that I do and say impact the people around me. It is crazy how one conversation with somebody can change the course of their life. How many people have I impacted?
In chaos theory, it is said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wings, can impact the weather all the way across the world.
One thing I have always had on my bucket list was "to make a difference in somebody's life". I want to have a positive impact on somebody's life. I don't want to cause a typhoon. I want somebody, one person, to be better because they met me, interacted with me, got to know me and my story. It doesn't have to be a big impact, just a small but meaningful one.
This weekend I also watched "A Fault in your Stars". There is a part where one of the main characters is dying (not really a spoiler as both of the main characters have cancer) and he asks the other to write a eulogy for his funeral. They say that funerals are more for the living than for the dead, and I agree. This is the reason why, in the movie, they decide to have a funeral before the character dies. That way the eulogy gets to be heard by the person who it would touch the most. It is beautiful (and I bawled like a baby). I actually really like this idea.
However, there isn't always warning.
And it made me wonder, if I were to be hit by a bus tomorrow, how would people remember me? Will I be missed? Who would speak at my funeral? What would they say? Have I made a difference in anybody's life? Have I hurt people so bad they would consider suicide? Would anybody be glad, or indifferent to the fact that I have died? Have I made somebody a better person?
Last night I got a PM from a fellow getDare member. We had never really interacted before, but he mentioned that he had seen something I posted and he read some of my blogs. After reading what I had written, he felt better knowing that somebody had experienced some of the same feelings as him, and he was thankful. That is exactly the reason why I write about my struggles. I don't do it for attention, I don't do it to bum people out, I do it in the hope that somebody else might see it and it could help them to know they aren't alone.
This PM really touched me. I am not saying that I have changed his life, or made him a better person, but at least something I did had a positive impact on him, and that makes me happy. That is what I live for.
I am human. I have bad days. I can be mean and rude and bitchy and aggressive. I have learned not to take shit/abuse from anybody (or at least I have been trying), and it sometimes makes me skeptical and abrasive. But overall, I try to be a kind, caring person. I do try to be open and honest and willing to help anybody who needs it. I hope that makes a difference somewhere.
To somebody.
Just one person.
Total Comments 11
Comments
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Hello!
I almost never leave comments in blogs here, even
though there are a lot of good ones. But - this your
entry is really touching. It seems like trivia - but it
isn't, and thank you for reminding us all about this!Posted 04-17-2017 at 12:31 PM by wewhoare 
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I empathize with this blog entry as I have though the same thing many many times in the past. It comes up occasionally but not so much anymore but as knowing that you will be marrying the love of your life soon...I think it's pretty safe to say that you have made huge impacts in one person's life. And honestly, whole lot of people on this site have been impacted by you too.
Posted 04-17-2017 at 02:17 PM by Komodo Jones
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"The truth is, you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone - anyone - feel a little better. After that, it's all about the people that you've let into your life" - J.D. Scrubs 'My Finale'
Ok a quote from a TV show, doesn't make it less impactful. I think it's great to cut it down to something so simple like, have i made someone smile.
If i can make someone smile i've made a difference and i can smile, even if just for a minute. If i can do that often enough, then the time adds up and people are smiling a lot.
Sappy yes, but it's genuine. I've learnt this first hand how just a smile can make someones day. If i can make more difference than that, it's an incredible bonus.Posted 04-17-2017 at 02:50 PM by KHdominant
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Butterfly I have been a lurker on this site for a while now and your story truly inspired me. To hear where you have come from to where you are now is truly amazing and gives those of us that are struggling hope of happiness in our futures.
In short. Yes you have.
Princess xxPosted 04-17-2017 at 03:29 PM by Princess_91
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"Have I made a difference?"
A very good question, one that brings a couple of thoughts to mind.
First, I think this is just something that happens, and if you try to force it, then it doesn't work well. The things you say, and the examples you set, may just happen to come at a time when someone else is at the proverbial fork in the road and wondering which path to take. And they take your lead.
And second, you may never know someone else followed your example or took to heart what you have said. If they tell you, then yes, you know. But for various innocent reasons, maybe as simple as they do not know you, they may never tell you. So it's very possible you make a difference in some way to very specific people but you never, ever find out. One of those great mysteries of life that is never answered.
Well, that's my two thoughts.
Posted 04-17-2017 at 06:24 PM by DaVance
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Thank you ♡ I honestly don't feel like I impacted his life as much as he as completely changed mine.Quote:Originally Posted by Komodo Jones
I empathize with this blog entry as I have though the same thing many many times in the past. It comes up occasionally but not so much anymore but as knowing that you will be marrying the love of your life soon...I think it's pretty safe to say that you have made huge impacts in one person's life. And honestly, whole lot of people on this site have been impacted by you too.Posted 04-17-2017 at 09:28 PM by Butterfly
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This is very true. It can be the smallest things that make a difference. A smile, a compliment, a thank you or kind gesture. Your comment made me smile so thank you.Quote:Originally Posted by Hammarling
"The truth is, you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone - anyone - feel a little better. After that, it's all about the people that you've let into your life" - J.D. Scrubs 'My Finale'
Ok a quote from a TV show, doesn't make it less impactful. I think it's great to cut it down to something so simple like, have i made someone smile.
If i can make someone smile i've made a difference and i can smile, even if just for a minute. If i can do that often enough, then the time adds up and people are smiling a lot.
Sappy yes, but it's genuine. I've learnt this first hand how just a smile can make someones day. If i can make more difference than that, it's an incredible bonus.Posted 04-17-2017 at 09:30 PM by Butterfly
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Thank you so much for this ♡Quote:Originally Posted by Princess_91
Butterfly I have been a lurker on this site for a while now and your story truly inspired me. To hear where you have come from to where you are now is truly amazing and gives those of us that are struggling hope of happiness in our futures.
In short. Yes you have.
Princess xx
Hearing people say something like this makes every struggle I have been through worth it.Posted 04-17-2017 at 09:32 PM by Butterfly
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I agree. If people try to force it, than it probably won't work. However, I do think that people can try to the the best person they can be and treat others with respect and kindness.Quote:Originally Posted by DaVance
"Have I made a difference?"
A very good question, one that brings a couple of thoughts to mind.
First, I think this is just something that happens, and if you try to force it, then it doesn't work well. The things you say, and the examples you set, may just happen to come at a time when someone else is at the proverbial fork in the road and wondering which path to take. And they take your lead.
And second, you may never know someone else followed your example or took to heart what you have said. If they tell you, then yes, you know. But for various innocent reasons, maybe as simple as they do not know you, they may never tell you. So it's very possible you make a difference in some way to very specific people but you never, ever find out. One of those great mysteries of life that is never answered.
Well, that's my two thoughts.
I also agree that most people never find out if they have made a difference. Sometimes it is done in passing and you never get to realize the impact you had on somebody. Sometimes it isn't something that gets said. But it is still something I think about and wonder.
And I think it is important for people to continue to think about the way their actions and words affect people around them, both in a positive and negative way.Posted 04-17-2017 at 09:36 PM by Butterfly
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I haven't watched the show yet as I'm still trying to get through at least five others, but I did finish reading the book a couple of week ago.
Almost every chapter/tape had me questioning myself. "Did I ever do or say something so hurtful that there were far reaching consequences?" "Have I ever been able to help someone and chosen not to for whatever reason?" "Have I made a difference in anybody's life throughout the course of mine so far?"
It takes so little to be kind to others yet so few people are, and even fewer realize it. I wish more people would be kind and help those in need, but it isn't something I think I will see in my lifetime as the majority, not all, of people are selfish even if they don't mean to be/realize it. It's how we're conditioned from a young age, I don't think many parents raise their kids telling them to help others and reach out to people. Of course some will and I try to teach mine to be kind and helpful whenever he can, but it isn't something I see a lot of people doing.
You've made me laugh when I have been down, listened to me rant or vent when I have been angry and/or upset and just being there and listening stopped me from dealing with the anger in other less...healthy...ways. You've supported me through quitting alcohol and several times told me how proud you are of me or how brave you think I am. It all helps.
And that's only to me. That's not mentioning the group you created for self harm or the matchmaking service, or the various activities in day to day life you're a part of and help.
So in answer to your question: Yes, you have.
-Edit: I just found this short poem that was in my great grandma's book of poems. No clue if she wrote it or someone else did but thought it appropiate here:
A kindly little gesture
A thoughtful little deed
Will only take a moment
To help someone in need
Rewards are truly plentiful
If you can only say
''My time has not been wasted
For I helped someone today.''Posted 04-19-2017 at 11:17 AM by IceMaiden
Updated 04-19-2017 at 04:13 PM by IceMaiden -
Quote:Originally Posted by IceMaiden
I haven't watched the show yet as I'm still trying to get through at least five others, but I did finish reading the book a couple of week ago.
Almost every chapter/tape had me questioning myself. "Did I ever do or say something so hurtful that there were far reaching consequences?" "Have I ever been able to help someone and chosen not to for whatever reason?" "Have I made a difference in anybody's life throughout the course of mine so far?"
It takes so little to be kind to others yet so few people are, and even fewer realize it. I wish more people would be kind and help those in need, but it isn't something I think I will see in my lifetime as the majority, not all, of people are selfish even if they don't mean to be/realize it. It's how we're conditioned from a young age, I don't think many parents raise their kids telling them to help others and reach out to people. Of course some will and I try to teach mine to be kind and helpful whenever he can, but it isn't something I see a lot of people doing.
You've made me laugh when I have been down, listened to me rant or vent when I have been angry and/or upset and just being there and listening stopped me from dealing with the anger in other less...healthy...ways. You've supported me through quitting alcohol and several times told me how proud you are of me or how brave you think I am. It all helps.
And that's only to me. That's not mentioning the group you created for self harm or the matchmaking service, or the various activities in day to day life you're a part of and help.
So in answer to your question: Yes, you have.
-Edit: I just found this short poem that was in my great grandma's book of poems. No clue if she wrote it or someone else did but thought it appropiate here:
A kindly little gesture
A thoughtful little deed
Will only take a moment
To help someone in need
Rewards are truly plentiful
If you can only say
''My time has not been wasted
For I helped someone today.''
C is going to be an amazing man because of your influence.
Thank you for your response. I don't feel like doing those things for you: telling you how proud I am or how brave you are, is making a difference. I am not going out of my way to do those things, I am just telling you how I feel. I truly do feel/think those things about you. But I am glad that it has helped you.
That is a wonderful poem!Posted 05-17-2017 at 12:52 PM by Butterfly
