What a brat is(n't)
Posted 07-14-2016 at 04:41 AM by AbusiveMaster
I know some brats. Hell, I know a LOT of brats. I own one and am the Dom of another. (there is a big difference in my relationships with Icy and with Sophia, which I might go into another time.) I would say that the majority of the people I have played with have been brats, to varying degrees. I actually enjoy a certain amount of brattiness.
But it seems to me there is a lot of confusion around as to what a brat is. Some people see it as a sign of a "bad submissive" that the brat is in some way less submissive, or a fake sub. This is frankly bullshit and speaks more about the accuser than the accused.
A brat is, in my opinion, a submissive who pushes the boundaries of respect and obedience. A brat dances along the line between acceptable and unaccepable, between playful and disrespectful. Do they do this because they are not submissive? No. Do they do this because of a lack of respect? Quite the opposite. The true brat is very aware of the boundaries, more aware than someone who behaves well. A brat has to know, to the inch, how much is too much.
And even that isn't always enough. The brat has an understanding that every now and then they will be called on it, even if they havent crossed the line. It is a part of the adventure, part of the thrill. Not only do they have to be oh so careful never to cross the line, they have to know that each and every little brattiness might result in them being smacked down. The brat loves that risk (though not always the consequences.) It is a danger game to be a brat.
Brattiness is actually a sign of affection, and oddly of respect. It is their way of saying "I like you." Even if the word they use happens to be Dollophead.
So, that leads me to what a brat is not. There are those who display all the features of a brat. They insult Dominants, however playfully. They show the adorable disrespect, they are obviously having fun.... until they are called on it. And then - nope. How DARE you try to hold me accountable for my actions. I am a brat and I am entitled to say and do as I like, but I refuse to take any consequences or comeback for that. You have no right to discipline me.
To me, this is not a brat, it is what I like to consider "a little shit." And while they are quite correct, nobody does have the right to pull them up on it, nor should they then have the right to taunt, tease and try to humiliate people, because the key point to being a brat is that EVERYONE has fun.
But it seems to me there is a lot of confusion around as to what a brat is. Some people see it as a sign of a "bad submissive" that the brat is in some way less submissive, or a fake sub. This is frankly bullshit and speaks more about the accuser than the accused.
A brat is, in my opinion, a submissive who pushes the boundaries of respect and obedience. A brat dances along the line between acceptable and unaccepable, between playful and disrespectful. Do they do this because they are not submissive? No. Do they do this because of a lack of respect? Quite the opposite. The true brat is very aware of the boundaries, more aware than someone who behaves well. A brat has to know, to the inch, how much is too much.
And even that isn't always enough. The brat has an understanding that every now and then they will be called on it, even if they havent crossed the line. It is a part of the adventure, part of the thrill. Not only do they have to be oh so careful never to cross the line, they have to know that each and every little brattiness might result in them being smacked down. The brat loves that risk (though not always the consequences.) It is a danger game to be a brat.
Brattiness is actually a sign of affection, and oddly of respect. It is their way of saying "I like you." Even if the word they use happens to be Dollophead.
So, that leads me to what a brat is not. There are those who display all the features of a brat. They insult Dominants, however playfully. They show the adorable disrespect, they are obviously having fun.... until they are called on it. And then - nope. How DARE you try to hold me accountable for my actions. I am a brat and I am entitled to say and do as I like, but I refuse to take any consequences or comeback for that. You have no right to discipline me.
To me, this is not a brat, it is what I like to consider "a little shit." And while they are quite correct, nobody does have the right to pull them up on it, nor should they then have the right to taunt, tease and try to humiliate people, because the key point to being a brat is that EVERYONE has fun.
Total Comments 8
Comments
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I have to say, this made me laugh.Quote:It is their way of saying "I like you." Even if the word they use happens to be Dollophead.
Good read, and thank you for showing the difference between the real brat, and the "brat". Might be handy for some people that don't know it!Posted 07-14-2016 at 06:29 AM by Unidentified 
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It likes your last sentence. That is the key.
And yep, you're toeing the line. (It is fun.) It's been called out on it by Sir, at times. But then again that's the risk. (And it's great because it knows he's also having fun.)
It's no fun if someone isn't having fun. Then you're right, that's just a little shit.
Yes, it is a sign of respect and "I like you". (Although it prefers it wants to gag you as saying that it likes you.)
The sign of respect in its eyes is that you're taking the risk/interacting with them knowing you could be called out on it at any moment, and you make a effort not to cross the line.
Taunts, teases, etc has that risk and figuring out the line is its weird way of showing respect.
Every relationship is different and this is just its POV.Posted 07-14-2016 at 06:34 AM by LitDarkness
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Thank you for this, you made the difference very clear.
I like to tease and challenge my owner as wel, and it's exactly because of that sense of playing with fire. The idea of maybe getting a punishment gives a thrill even if, as you say, the consequences might not be as nice. Sometimes I'm just so horny I'll use it to get his attention :-)
It's a playful way to discover exactly where the line is and I think if you're in a good relationship, the Dom will know the difference between playfulness and real disrespect. Just as the sub will know exactly when she/he went too far.Posted 07-14-2016 at 07:14 AM by little pet
Updated 07-14-2016 at 07:16 AM by little pet -
She already told you her views on Skype earlier so she just wants to say: You ARE a dollophead.Posted 07-14-2016 at 11:33 AM by IceMaiden
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I clicked on this blog almost by coincidence, I just wanted to say this is such a great entry
And I couldn't have expressed this point any better than you did:
"Brattiness is actually a sign of affection, and oddly of respect. It is their way of saying "I like you." Even if the word they use happens to be Dollophead."
Being a brat myself, I can only confirm that that's 100% true. Thank you for this wonderful post!Posted 07-14-2016 at 12:19 PM by Athanael
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Well,
I disagree
What you call "brat" i would call healthy
It's not about fighting words (that would be silly)
But if my pet would be super obediant, always saying "yes sir" i would feel like looking at a silent monkey in the corner of her cage in a zoo with all other monkeys happily playing. If such a thing happens in occasions i try to connect, talk, ask and find out what is worrying her.
Normally she behaves as you describe. Taunting a bit, searching for boundaries. Feeling happy, playing, sometimes crossing, just for the exciting feeling of thrill. Getting punished a little different than expected.
I don't call that bratty, i call that healthy ( hot, arrousing, exciting)
But it's not words that i am fighting. You indicate the "non brat" as being "not part of the game". Well i would consider them brat (but that's just a word), but certainly part of the game.
I had a brat like that for about 2 month. Domming such a brat is sure difficult but possible. I had to invest heavily in connection ( investing in connection is always key). At first she was crossing all lines one could think. But we discussed. I explained that she could cross as many lines that she wanted, but that such would not be compatible with submission. We had a lot of discussion. Did she want to cross lines? Or did she not want? Did she want to test me? Or was she looking for help? At the end the growing connection got her more and more in control.
The process is delicate. Connection is very important. I could help her to behave as she wanted. It is very important to distinguish between behave as she wants and behave as i want.
For those who wonder, the relation ended because she realized she was less into ds, it ended in a friendly way as equals.Posted 07-14-2016 at 12:28 PM by sir stefan
Updated 07-14-2016 at 01:22 PM by sir stefan -
My gosh, I love your blogs.
I think you just confirmed for me that I am definitely not a brat. This is something I have wondered about, because I do enjoy some banter and teasing, I can be wonderfully sarcastic (I think so, anyways), etc. But I appreciate how you've laid it out here: the awareness of the rules, the lines drawn, and toeing that line. I do not toe any line. I am the girl who wants to know precisely where the lines are so she can do a really good job of staying in them, because a) I want to please the lovely Dom who drew those lines and make him proud of me and b) it makes me feel safe (not in an I'm-afraid-of-punishment kind of way, but in that I know where I stand, what is expected of me, and how to please my Dom). I need those rules. I don't want to mess with them. I adore brats. I think they are brilliant and creative and have this fantastic way of reading people and knowing just how much to push, delighting in the reactions. But I am quite certain now that I am not one of them.
@sir stefan: See, I can play well within the lines and not be mindless, not be silent (not usually, anyways), not monotonous and unthinking and uncaring. I am obedient because I am thoughtful when it comes to my obedience and I choose to submit. And sometimes something doesn't work just then, and so we talk about it. But if a rule is set, you better belief I obey it. I relish getting to say 'Yes Papa'. I want so desperately to be able to get to the place where I can say that to every. single. command. my Dom can think up. I would love to be that deep into submission. And that is not unhealthy, not unless it is putting my physical, mental, or emotional health at risk, involves me denying or changing who I am at a fundamental level (which is damaging), or involves dishonesty. If someone has a particular preference for a submissive who engages more in such bratty behaviour, then wonderful; but it doesn't mean subs who are 'super obedient' are not engaging in healthy submission.Posted 07-14-2016 at 09:11 PM by naughtylittlegirl
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Well,Quote:Originally Posted by naughtylittlegirl
@sir stefan: See, I can play well within the lines and not be mindless, not be silent (not usually, anyways), not monotonous and unthinking and uncaring. I am obedient because I am thoughtful when it comes to my obedience and I choose to submit.........
When saying "unhealthy" I was certainly not having you in mind. You are very talkative. I was referring to "only saying yes sir, nothing more". And on the one hand i agree that everybody should have the relation they want, but if i would succeed to dominate with such force that my pet would only say "yes sir", and have no communication besides that, than i would feel bad. And i would get the feeling my pet would feel bad.Posted 07-15-2016 at 03:16 AM by sir stefan
