A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Learning my limits: Custom Edge
Tags asslvr, butterfly, custom edge, limits
Congratulations to Jeff10145 who was the 80th poster on my ama.
The custom edge that he designed is as follows:
She will wear a short dress or skirt, get in her car and drive to a public area. She will roll down her windows and use her remote vibe to edge.
I was a bit nervous about this task when Sir talked to me about it, but we talked about it and agreed that it was something that I could handle. So he approved it.
I want to make the process clear for everybody. It is important, especially when it comes to this instance. Sir and I look at any tasks, dares or edges together, and we discuss each one, talk about any changes that we think need to be made, and how I feel about them, and then he will approve it.
If something goes wrong with a task, it is not the fault of the task giver, and I don't feel like it is the fault of my Sir either. I have a safeword; two actually. One that means slow down and one that means stop. It is my responsibility to communicate my feelings with Sir and use those safewords if needed. Therefore if a task were to go wrong, then it is my responsibility, not the taskgiver or Sirs.
That being said, here is my report:
I had decided that it would be best to do the task at night, but it was a cold night, so I spoke with Jeff and asked if he was willing to change the rules to allow me to wear pants. He agreed.
Before I got dressed, I used a bit of lube and put my remote vibe against my clit and tucked it inside my panties. I then put my jeans on and blushingly left my house.
Sir was on his way home from work, and I was instructed to drive to the park and wait for him. He would phone and stay on the line to help calm me down as I completed the task.
My heart was pounding as I drove in the dark to the park. When I arrived, I parked and realized the disadvantage of doing this task in the dark. Although it was dark enough for nobody to see me, it meant it was also too dark for me to see anything around me. The unknown, the darkness, and my proximity to a forest, already had me on edge when Sir called.
I was terrified. My voice was shaky and squeaky. My hands were shaking. My heart was pounding way to fast. I wanted to be at home in bed. I told Sir how scared I was, and he encouraged me to close my eyes and take deep breaths. Imagining him sitting in the car beside me, putting his hand on me to reassure me, made me calm down enough to be able to breath.
Then it was time to open the windows. I begged Sir to not make me roll them down, and he allowed me to roll mine down halfway and the passenger window a quarter of the way down. And then it was time for the vibrator.
You may have noticed from past reports, that it takes me a very short amount of time to edge with a vibrator. However, this time, when I turned it on low, I was so scared that I barely felt it. Sir has me slowly turn it up and I was starting to get turned on but still so scared. I was super aware of every noise or movement around me. Sir kept encouraging me, trying to get me to imagine him there with me, and what he would do to me.
After at least 10 minutes has passed, Sir said my trigger word. Admitedly, I don't think I was close enough to the edge for it to count, (When I have completed the other edges, I was so close to the edge, and Sir kept me there for awhile before making me stop) but I was close enough to the edge to cum when he said my trigger words. However, he could tell that I had had enough this time, and just allowed me to cum.
When I was done cumming, I immediately rolled up the windows to the car and started crying. I was just so relieved it was done. Sir told me over and over how proud he was of me to have completed the task, and how brave I was, but I just didn't feel like it.
I talked to Sir about my thoughts of using my pause safeword, and he reassured me that if I felt like using it, I should have done so. He assured me that he is always proud of me, and using my safeword would not have done anything to change that.
Sir felt bad for not stopping the task when he realized how scared I was, but I need to take full responsibility for this. I am the only person who can know what I am thinking and it is my responsibility to share those thoughts with Asslvr. I failed him. I did not tell him how I was feeling, and we both ended up feeling bad about it.
I may not have enjoyed this task, and I don't ever want to do it again (unless maybe Asslvr is with me), but it taught me two things:
1. I have a limit when it comes to semi-public/public tasks.
2. I should not hesitate to use my safeword.
For these reasons especially, I do want to thank Jeff. You put a lot of time and effort into designing a task which you thought was fun and challenging for me. I know you never meant for it to make me cry or be this difficult and I do not blame you in anyway. You are an amazing Dom and an incredible friend and I would do another task written by you anytime. And thank you for presenting the opportunity for me to learn these two things. It will only help me grow as a sub in the future.
Thank you Sir for being so encouraging and supportive and I am sorry that I failed you by not using my safeword when I really needed to. You need to trust that I will use it, and I let you down. I promise that in the future I will use it anytime I need to.
Thank you to everybody for reading this report. Stay tuned for my report once I complete the custom edge designed by Shadow.
The custom edge that he designed is as follows:
She will wear a short dress or skirt, get in her car and drive to a public area. She will roll down her windows and use her remote vibe to edge.
I was a bit nervous about this task when Sir talked to me about it, but we talked about it and agreed that it was something that I could handle. So he approved it.
I want to make the process clear for everybody. It is important, especially when it comes to this instance. Sir and I look at any tasks, dares or edges together, and we discuss each one, talk about any changes that we think need to be made, and how I feel about them, and then he will approve it.
If something goes wrong with a task, it is not the fault of the task giver, and I don't feel like it is the fault of my Sir either. I have a safeword; two actually. One that means slow down and one that means stop. It is my responsibility to communicate my feelings with Sir and use those safewords if needed. Therefore if a task were to go wrong, then it is my responsibility, not the taskgiver or Sirs.
That being said, here is my report:
I had decided that it would be best to do the task at night, but it was a cold night, so I spoke with Jeff and asked if he was willing to change the rules to allow me to wear pants. He agreed.
Before I got dressed, I used a bit of lube and put my remote vibe against my clit and tucked it inside my panties. I then put my jeans on and blushingly left my house.
Sir was on his way home from work, and I was instructed to drive to the park and wait for him. He would phone and stay on the line to help calm me down as I completed the task.
My heart was pounding as I drove in the dark to the park. When I arrived, I parked and realized the disadvantage of doing this task in the dark. Although it was dark enough for nobody to see me, it meant it was also too dark for me to see anything around me. The unknown, the darkness, and my proximity to a forest, already had me on edge when Sir called.
I was terrified. My voice was shaky and squeaky. My hands were shaking. My heart was pounding way to fast. I wanted to be at home in bed. I told Sir how scared I was, and he encouraged me to close my eyes and take deep breaths. Imagining him sitting in the car beside me, putting his hand on me to reassure me, made me calm down enough to be able to breath.
Then it was time to open the windows. I begged Sir to not make me roll them down, and he allowed me to roll mine down halfway and the passenger window a quarter of the way down. And then it was time for the vibrator.
You may have noticed from past reports, that it takes me a very short amount of time to edge with a vibrator. However, this time, when I turned it on low, I was so scared that I barely felt it. Sir has me slowly turn it up and I was starting to get turned on but still so scared. I was super aware of every noise or movement around me. Sir kept encouraging me, trying to get me to imagine him there with me, and what he would do to me.
After at least 10 minutes has passed, Sir said my trigger word. Admitedly, I don't think I was close enough to the edge for it to count, (When I have completed the other edges, I was so close to the edge, and Sir kept me there for awhile before making me stop) but I was close enough to the edge to cum when he said my trigger words. However, he could tell that I had had enough this time, and just allowed me to cum.
When I was done cumming, I immediately rolled up the windows to the car and started crying. I was just so relieved it was done. Sir told me over and over how proud he was of me to have completed the task, and how brave I was, but I just didn't feel like it.
I talked to Sir about my thoughts of using my pause safeword, and he reassured me that if I felt like using it, I should have done so. He assured me that he is always proud of me, and using my safeword would not have done anything to change that.
Sir felt bad for not stopping the task when he realized how scared I was, but I need to take full responsibility for this. I am the only person who can know what I am thinking and it is my responsibility to share those thoughts with Asslvr. I failed him. I did not tell him how I was feeling, and we both ended up feeling bad about it.
I may not have enjoyed this task, and I don't ever want to do it again (unless maybe Asslvr is with me), but it taught me two things:
1. I have a limit when it comes to semi-public/public tasks.
2. I should not hesitate to use my safeword.
For these reasons especially, I do want to thank Jeff. You put a lot of time and effort into designing a task which you thought was fun and challenging for me. I know you never meant for it to make me cry or be this difficult and I do not blame you in anyway. You are an amazing Dom and an incredible friend and I would do another task written by you anytime. And thank you for presenting the opportunity for me to learn these two things. It will only help me grow as a sub in the future.
Thank you Sir for being so encouraging and supportive and I am sorry that I failed you by not using my safeword when I really needed to. You need to trust that I will use it, and I let you down. I promise that in the future I will use it anytime I need to.
Thank you to everybody for reading this report. Stay tuned for my report once I complete the custom edge designed by Shadow.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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This is something I am working on too, knowing when I ought to not be continuing with a task or a session, so you're not alone. I hope you're doing okay, I know the emotional impact of everything that hits me afterward can take a few days at least to shake. Sending you warm thoughts and hugs.Posted 11-01-2014 at 10:23 AM by naughtylittlegirl 
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Sweetie, this post makes me so proud of you for a few reasons.
First, the post itself, I know we talked about your approach to this report, and I admire your openness and honesty. I know it was difficult to admit your fear and the exact results of this task and I am soooo proud of you for doing so.
Second, your determination to push through even though you were terrified. Since that night, I have regretted not stopping the task, but, it did teach us both a valuable lesson in regards to your limits and both of our responsibilities to protect you physically and emotionally. You know how well I can read you and even though you have promised to always use your safe words, I promise to never push you in a situation like that again.
Third, your willingness to open up to me about your true feelings as a result of this task... In the end it has only made us stronger.
Sweetie, you are amazing and brave and really are the perfect, and only sub for me. ♡
Posted 11-02-2014 at 04:07 PM by Mr. Devious
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You have an amazing positive attitude.Posted 11-12-2014 at 12:12 AM by Mr-Lover-Lover
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@NLG - Thank you. I am finding that I am a bit nervous about completing the next custom edge that will be given to me, just because of what happened this time, but I truly do feel like I learned my lesson. I find that I trust Asslvr so much, that I almost second guess myself sometimes. I know that I am struggling, I am thinking about using the safe word, but I don't know if I truly can't do it, or if I am just afraid to try. I like to push myself, but I have to find that fine line between pushing hard and pushing too hard.
@Asslvr - Thank you Sir. I love making you proud of me. It was hard for me to be open and honest and admit the extent of my fear, but hopefully it is able to help comfort somebody else. Please don't even feel like it was your fault. I know you felt like you let me down, but ultimately it is my body, and my mind and only I can truly know when I have had enough, hence the safewords. Thank you again, and you really are the only Dom for me.
@Mr-Lover-Lover - Thank you. It is something I have been trying to do.Posted 11-24-2014 at 10:05 PM by Butterfly
